Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[RaNDM G]

Tox and I walk towards an open elevator shaft, only to find it without an elevator. I push the call button, and a husk of burning shrapnel comes screaming down crashing into the floor below.

RaN: "Great. Any other ideas?"

Looking around, Tox finds what appears to be a hatch with a missing handle.

Tox: "I think we can open this hatch if we had something to act like a handle. RaN, I need you to find a horseshoe, a lighter, and something we can melt into glue."

RaN: "I got a better idea. Can I see your shotgun?"

Tox: "Uh... Okay."

Tox hands me his shotgun.

Tox: "I don't see how you can use tha-"

*bang!* I shoot a hole through the hatch.

RaN: "Thanks."

I jump through the hatch and land near the entrance of a morgue. Tox falls in behind me. I toss his shotgun back and draw my handgun.

RaN: "You think there's another way down from here?"

Tox cycles his weapon.

Tox: "Only one way to find out."

We kick open the door of the morgue.

 

[RaNDM G]

RaN: "Are you alright?"

Tox: "What do you mean?"

RaN: "You just shot a dead body. It wasn't even a zombie."

Tox: "Oh... I guess I'm going a little crazy."

RaN: "It's alright. We all go crazy sometimes."

We continue exploring the morgue, Tox firing his weapon at imaginary skeletons and me ducking my head to keep it from getting blown off. I find a note tucked in the hands of a dead man lain to rest on a hospital gurney.

This corpse...

The rest is blurred and ineligible, but I catch a trail of blood through the corner of my eye. It leads into a deep pit.

RaN: "Into this hole?"

Tox: "What are you looking at?"

RaN: "Found another pit."

Tox: "You wanna see where it leads?"

RaN: "Yeah, but it looks pretty-"

Tox jumps in before I can finish my sentence.

RaN: "... deep. Well, so much for caution."

I jump in after him.

 

[Knife-28]

I respawn, and, upon finding an iPod with safari open, begin to write; Suddenly, the corpses come alive, and start attacking Tox and RaN.

 

[RaNDM G]

I land on a pile of corpses.

RaN: "I get the worst feeling something bad is going to happen."

After twenty seconds of waiting, nothing happens.

RaN: "Guess not."

Tox and I walk down a long corridor, coming across a single door at the end. I open the door and step into the room, only to fall down another dark pit.

RaN, surprised: "SHIT!"

I land painfully on my back. Tox shouts to me.

Tox: "RaN, you okay?"

I climb back onto my feet. My back is still smarting.

RaN, shouting back: "Yeah, I'm fine! I think I see a pole you can slide down from! Look to your right!"

I hear Tox beginning to slide down the pipe. He appears in front of me ten seconds later.

Tox: "Shit, I can't see five feet in front of me."

RaN: "Don't worry, I got a flashlight."

I snap my fingers, creating a little ball of fire that illuminates the room. In front of us is an old, dilapidated service elevator.

RaN: "Is this what you had in mind?"

Tox: "Better than nothing."

We step inside the elevator. Tox pushes the button for sub-basement 3621.

RaN: "It's going to be a long ride."

[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]

It is once again nighttime, and most of the ponies have left for the night. The only two left in the library are Twilight and Fluttershy. I decide to check up on the soldiers.

RaN: "How are they doing?"

Twilight: "Well, they're certainly lucky you brought them in when you did."

Twilight walks over to the one wearing the balaclava.

Twilight: "This one was hurt badly in his gut. We managed to stop the internal bleeding, but I don't know for sure if he's going to make it. I'm going to research more powerful healing spells and try to help him again in the morning."

RaN: "What about the other one?"

Twilight: "He's fine, actually. He was hurt in the shoulder, but Rarity sewed him back together. He's been awake for a few hours now. Do you want to talk with him?"

RaN: "Sure. He isn't freaking out over being in Ponyville, is he?"

Twilight: "He was a little nervous at first, but I think he's starting to accept it."

RaN: "Alright. Thanks, Twilight."

I walk over and sit on the soldier's bed. Fluttershy is feeding him soup.

Fluttershy: "Do you need any privacy?"

RaN: "That would be fine, thanks."

Fluttershy: "All right then. I think it's about time I went to sleep anyway. Good night."

RaN: "Good night, Fluttershy."

I turn my attention back to the soldier.

RaN: "How you holding up?"

Soldier: "Alright, I guess. I didn't expect to end up here, but then again I didn't expect to live through my execution. Thanks for your help, by the way."

The soldier shakes my hand.

Soldier: "You can call me Roach."

 

[ERROR989]

I encounter a bunch of rakes. 'Oh, Crap.' I say. I eat my lollypop.


I run through the rakes, insta-killing them.

You got 3112 exp!
Level Up!
Level Up!
Level Up!
Level Up!

HP: 65
ATK: 41
DEF:36

Status:
Invincibility: 5 turns

Inventory:
Ice Cream
Envelope (x10)
Orange Candy Bar

 

[Connor Lonske]

Connor, still looking for a cool sword to use, hears a strange noise behind him, sounds... LIKE A RAKE! he thinks as he turns around, now seeing that the rake is smashing on the door. "Hey, you guys work for sister?"

"AGSGSDGSDGS"

"OK, guess not." And then Connor takes out his .223 revolver, aims it at the Rakes head, fires. No crit. Fires again. Miss. Fires one last time. HEADSHOT, CRITICAL HIT, OVER 9000. The Rake explodes due to the awesomeness, however this also breaks the supports on the walls and the sword shop starts to collapses.

Connor quickly runs out of the store, barely keeping his life. "Aw darn, I didn't even get a sword," and then a sword appears out of nowhere on the ground, "How convenient!" He takes the sword and tries to find someone, or something, to kill.

 

[Connor Lonske]

"Oh, players." Says the Auditor. He spawns two TMP Sub-Machineguns and using his unhuman accuracy, fires on the incoming players, filling him with bullets. The player falls to the ground, dead.

The Auditor, realizing that repairing this control room is unsafe, he leaves the previously destroyed control room and heads for the Teleportation ship, that could be misinterpreted as a Spaceship. He reaches the ship, the door opens for him. He finds a note on the wall of the ship "For use of Sister(or for who accepted her Crag's List posting) and minions only, if you have found your way into this ship and you are not any of these thing, than enjoyed your trip to the moon! HA HA HA! Also, this ship has a load up speed of 30 minuets, so before you can teleport, you must wait said time before start up. THANKS! -Sis"

 

[RaNDM G]

Having been separated from Tox in the fog, I continue to wander through the sub-basement. I eventually recognize an old friend of mine from my time spent in Hell.

RaN: "Clarence, it's been a long time! How are things with you?"

Clarence: "Is that you, your Majesty? What are you doing here on Earth?"

RaN: "I'm retired."

Clarence laughs.

RaN: "I'm serious. What about you? I've tried contacting you before when I heard you moved up closer to the surface world, but no person I've spoken with has ever heard of you."

Clarence: "That's understandable. No one calls me Clarence in this domain. Up here I am called 'Slenderman'."

RaN: "That's a stupid name."

Clarence: "I know, right?"

We both share a good laugh.

RaN: "Listen, I have a friend on this level that I lost in the fog. Have you seen him around?"

Clarence: "I may have accidentally... eviscerated him. It was hard to tell what was happening with the gunfire earlier today."

RaN: "Gunfire? That must mean there is another force at work here. Well, don't worry about it. He's probably respawned by now anyway. How are you enjoying the solar eclipse?"

Clarence: "It was lovely at first, but it's doing a terrible number on my lilies."

RaN: "That's a shame. I should get back to searching for my friend. Would you care to join me?"

Clarence: "Of course. It would give us more time to catch up."

With Clarence in tow, I continue my search for Tox and the ship.

 

[ERROR989]

I proceed to go through the area, and find Tox.

'You again? What is going on here?'

 

[Connor Lonske]

The Auditor hears someone coming. He is not pleased. Not one bit. "FIVE MINUETS UNTIL FULL CHARGE" says the ship. He opens the door and drops his TMPs and spawns a large battle Ax, he then goes completely silent. No breathing, no heat, just silence. "There." He says as he raises his ax and throws it at Jim,"OH SHIT!" yells Jim as he gets cut in half, the two pieces his body on the ground, now visible. He raises the the uper-half of the dieing body and says "Who sent you?"

---

Connor, killing one or two rakes, finds a elevator, or at least it's shaft. He then raffles down, "With take five minuets to reach the bottom, I hope," he thinks as he goes down.

 

[Connor Lonske]

The Audtor Crushes the dead body's neck, throws it onto the ground, and checks the timer inside the ship. 12 minuets. He continues to wait.

 

[RaNDM G]

I continue walking through the fog.

"Wait a minute, why didn't I think of this before?"

I snap my fingers, creating a ball of fire that clears away the fog. Turning around I discover the ship was right behind me the whole time.

Clarence: "Well, that's convenient."

RaN: "Yeah, now we just have to find Tox, or Jim, or whoever he is now."

Clarence: "You still have to explain to me how he does that."

RaN: "Ever played Killer 7?"

Clarence: "Oh. Okay, I get it now."

We walk back towards the elevator shaft. Code Monkey is there.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I magically disappear.

Spoiler: OOC

I shall be AFK for a while. Don't miss me to much.

 

[ERROR989]

"Well,see,there's a solar eclipse that happened,causing permanent darkness in the mall,also infesting it with rakes,so me and RaN went to this place to find a space ship and blow up the moon. Now tell me,how the hell did you know I was here?" (Me/S)

'Lucky guess? I don't know' I say.

 

[Knife-28]

I type into the iPod; /tp Martintox and I am magically teleported to him.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Connor get close to the bottom of the elevator shaft, he hears RaN at the bottom, and jumps on top of his head, crushing his body unto itself. Then I see 7 different players including Knives. "Shit." Connor says as they beat him to dead.

He respawns at a cool looking space ship on the same floor, and says "Cool." He knocks on the door of the ship, and it opens to show a dark, red eyed, human like figure with tentacles coming out of his back, his entire body fully black.

"Oh, minions."

"Sorry, do I know you, uuuuuhhhh, cool guy?"

"I am a replacement for sister, you belong to me, now you must defend this ship at all cost."

"Why should I trust you?"

He grabs Connor's neck.

"Because if you don't then I will downgrade your luck skill, making you useless."

"Fine *cough* OK." He lets go.

"TIME LEFT TO FULL CHARGE, EIGHT MINUETS."

"You have that much time to defend me, you understand!"

"OK then cool guy."

The door closes, and Connor takes out his .223 revolver (in his inventory when he died) and loads his last three 5.56 NATO Explosive rounds, with the first two rounds being .223.

 

[Connor Lonske]

"I don't think so." Connor says as he fires one shot into Tox's leg, another into Jim's weapon arm, both limbs now crippled. The next three shot being explosive, he fire them into the crowd, exploding everyone, except him and Knives. With Jim and Tox crippled on the ground, and the rest of his summoned friend dead, the only who could have a chance was Knives. Connor examines the gun to find it finally broken, he throws it on the ground and raises his sword. "Six to one, your move."

 

[Knife-28]

"Wait a second", I say, looking at Code Monkey, "Your that Hobo from the sewers!" At that moment all he'll breaks loose, and I find myself facing Conner. "Well shit.....um....parley?"

 

[Connor Lonske]

"Why are you taking to that dead body!" Tox says as Connor raises his sword on Knives and chops off his head.

"Well, off to the food court." Connor says as he commits Seppuku and respwans in the food court. Then remember that he had to use the bathroom, find that he is almost crapping his pants, so he runs to food court bathroom and takes a big dump for about 2 hours.

Spoiler: OCC

ITS CONNOR, C O N N O R!

 

[Knife-28]

Spoiler: @ Conner

Sorry, quick fire posts+ me on an iPod is a bad combo