Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)
- Thread starter Claymorez
- Start date
Recommended Videos
"POWER LEVELS AT FULL CHARGE, TELEPORT READY" and with that the Auditor set the ship to teleport on top of his control base. "ACTIVATED, THANK YOU FOR USING THIS *static* TELEPORT SHIP. TELEPORTING IN THREE. TWO. ONE." and then the ship was 100 miles above the mall, inside the Auditors base.
[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
I awaken on the floor of the sub-basement, opening my eyes in time to watch the Auditor's ship teleport. Fortunately, Clarence is still by my side.
RaN: "What the fuck just happened?"
Clarence: "A young fellow by the name of Connor stopped by and killed your friends. He didn't seem to take much interest in me for some reason."
RaN: "Fuck, I didn't know he was still here."
Suddenly, Sam G's ship launches off into space.
RaN: "Sorry Clarence, but this looks like goodbye for now."
Clarence: "I understand. Goodbye, your Majesty."
Not wasting time, I clasp my hands and open a portal back to the surface. Stepping through, I notice that the mall is still inhabited by rakes, although they are more preoccupied with observing the eclipse rather than attempting to skewer my insides. Taking advantage of this respite, I begin tracking Connor down.
[HEADING=1]MEANWHILE, AT THE LLAM![/HEADING]
Xandus: "Wait, the Llam is on the moon?!"
"Of course it is, dipshit. Where the fuck else were you thinking?"
Xandus turns around to find MDNaR standing alone in the valley before him.
Xandus: "You dare speak down to me?"
MDNaR: "You really gotta stop asking questions, Xandus. It makes you sound like the worthless, stuck-up prick you are. Now, are we gonna fight or are you just gonna stand there on that worthless junk heap you call a tower?"
Xandus, thinking to himself: "This mortal is familiar. I've seen him before, but where? Ah yes, he must be the opposite of the man that claimed to be King of Hell. He doesn't appear to be much of a threat, but I shall be careful regardless."
Xandus shouts back to MDNaR.
Xandus: "No. Fighting you was not what I had in store for today's main event. But while you're here, please, sit back and enjoy the show."
Xandus reveals a massive MAC cannon that rises up the steel tower. Using a laser-targeting system, he fires the weapon at a seemingly insignificant part of the Earth.
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
The entire mall is destroyed.
[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]
I continue my conversation with Roach, who has just told me his codename.
RaN: "I assume that makes your partner Ghost. You're both part of Task Force 141."
Roach: "That's classified information. How'd you figure it out?"
RaN: "It's pretty complicated."
I explain to Roach his origins as a videogame character. He seems to be taking the news quite well and listens with intent.
RaN: "You're surprisingly calm. For a minute there, I was expecting you to flip out and call me psychotic."
Roach: "Back in Georgia, I probably would have. But we're sittin' in flippin' Ponyville. I guess anything's possible now."
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
I climb out of the rubble, in shock but alive. I take a good hard look at my surroundings. The structure has already begun to repair itself, but the rebuilding process would take days before the mall begins to resemble its old self again.
I pull out my communicator and attempt to contact my friends, but receive no answer. I look back up toward the moon.
"Shit just got real."
I awaken on the floor of the sub-basement, opening my eyes in time to watch the Auditor's ship teleport. Fortunately, Clarence is still by my side.
RaN: "What the fuck just happened?"
Clarence: "A young fellow by the name of Connor stopped by and killed your friends. He didn't seem to take much interest in me for some reason."
RaN: "Fuck, I didn't know he was still here."
Suddenly, Sam G's ship launches off into space.
RaN: "Sorry Clarence, but this looks like goodbye for now."
Clarence: "I understand. Goodbye, your Majesty."
Not wasting time, I clasp my hands and open a portal back to the surface. Stepping through, I notice that the mall is still inhabited by rakes, although they are more preoccupied with observing the eclipse rather than attempting to skewer my insides. Taking advantage of this respite, I begin tracking Connor down.
[HEADING=1]MEANWHILE, AT THE LLAM![/HEADING]
Xandus: "Wait, the Llam is on the moon?!"
"Of course it is, dipshit. Where the fuck else were you thinking?"
Xandus turns around to find MDNaR standing alone in the valley before him.
Xandus: "You dare speak down to me?"
MDNaR: "You really gotta stop asking questions, Xandus. It makes you sound like the worthless, stuck-up prick you are. Now, are we gonna fight or are you just gonna stand there on that worthless junk heap you call a tower?"
Xandus, thinking to himself: "This mortal is familiar. I've seen him before, but where? Ah yes, he must be the opposite of the man that claimed to be King of Hell. He doesn't appear to be much of a threat, but I shall be careful regardless."
Xandus shouts back to MDNaR.
Xandus: "No. Fighting you was not what I had in store for today's main event. But while you're here, please, sit back and enjoy the show."
Xandus reveals a massive MAC cannon that rises up the steel tower. Using a laser-targeting system, he fires the weapon at a seemingly insignificant part of the Earth.
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
The entire mall is destroyed.
[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]
I continue my conversation with Roach, who has just told me his codename.
RaN: "I assume that makes your partner Ghost. You're both part of Task Force 141."
Roach: "That's classified information. How'd you figure it out?"
RaN: "It's pretty complicated."
I explain to Roach his origins as a videogame character. He seems to be taking the news quite well and listens with intent.
RaN: "You're surprisingly calm. For a minute there, I was expecting you to flip out and call me psychotic."
Roach: "Back in Georgia, I probably would have. But we're sittin' in flippin' Ponyville. I guess anything's possible now."
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
I climb out of the rubble, in shock but alive. I take a good hard look at my surroundings. The structure has already begun to repair itself, but the rebuilding process would take days before the mall begins to resemble its old self again.
I pull out my communicator and attempt to contact my friends, but receive no answer. I look back up toward the moon.
"Shit just got real."
[HEADING=1]Meanwhile, on the moon![/HEADING]
I spawn, and, after realizing I'm not choaking to death, realize that I an in an abandoned city seemingly carved out of the earth(so to speak). "Hello, is anyone there?" I yell.
"Yes, and I'ld like to know how you got here." I hear.
I spawn, and, after realizing I'm not choaking to death, realize that I an in an abandoned city seemingly carved out of the earth(so to speak). "Hello, is anyone there?" I yell.
"Yes, and I'ld like to know how you got here." I hear.
[HEADING=1]Meanwhile at the Auditor's base[/HEADING]
A large sound is heard. A large explosion is made. A higher power is very pissed off.
He has one last resort, one final weapon that can change reality for good. He walks over to the improbability drive. He presses the button. Than he finds that he is in a large beach in the Caribbean next to a demonic woman sipping on a Screwdriver, "Back already eh?"
[HEADING=1]Meanwhile at the mall[/HEADING]
Due to the improbability nature of the world when the improbability drive is activated, many strange things can happen. In this case, the mall has now come back to it's original state, the way it was when the fighting first started. However, all the players are still around, but now are wearing "I'm with stupid" T-Shirts and are wearing removable fat suits. Also, in replacement of the Audtior's base, there is now a McDonald's levitating 100 miles above the mall, containing the improbability drive and Knives' Clone wearing a McDonald's uniform and the Controlled Probability Drive now in the form of a Electronic Cash Register. Improbability factor of one million two hundred eighty thousand to one, dropping slowly.
A large sound is heard. A large explosion is made. A higher power is very pissed off.
He has one last resort, one final weapon that can change reality for good. He walks over to the improbability drive. He presses the button. Than he finds that he is in a large beach in the Caribbean next to a demonic woman sipping on a Screwdriver, "Back already eh?"
[HEADING=1]Meanwhile at the mall[/HEADING]
Due to the improbability nature of the world when the improbability drive is activated, many strange things can happen. In this case, the mall has now come back to it's original state, the way it was when the fighting first started. However, all the players are still around, but now are wearing "I'm with stupid" T-Shirts and are wearing removable fat suits. Also, in replacement of the Audtior's base, there is now a McDonald's levitating 100 miles above the mall, containing the improbability drive and Knives' Clone wearing a McDonald's uniform and the Controlled Probability Drive now in the form of a Electronic Cash Register. Improbability factor of one million two hundred eighty thousand to one, dropping slowly.
[HEADING=1]Meanwhile, at the Mall[/HEADING]
"Awwww man, I look even fatter now," Connor says in reaction to his new clothing. He then proceeds to take off his fat suit to find that he has his regular clothing under it. "Thank god for that. OK, now what?"
A portal appears out of nowhere. "Well, that's convenient, I guess." And with that Connor goes though the portal.
[HEADING=1]Meanwhile, at the LLAM[/HEADING]
A portal opens up at the bathroom and Connor steps out. "Oh, this place is cool. Hey, is that a armory?!"
He enters the Armory, to find a WidowMaker .50 sniper rifle and a ass load of Match ammo for it. "OMG." he picks up the sniper, "OMG!" he fires it "OMG! OMG! OMG!"
He leaves the armory and sees the Tox and his resurrected summons about 500 feet away. He raises his sniper and aims it at Code Monkey's head, lazer sight hitting his eye, he covers his face in pain.
"Awwww man, I look even fatter now," Connor says in reaction to his new clothing. He then proceeds to take off his fat suit to find that he has his regular clothing under it. "Thank god for that. OK, now what?"
A portal appears out of nowhere. "Well, that's convenient, I guess." And with that Connor goes though the portal.
[HEADING=1]Meanwhile, at the LLAM[/HEADING]
A portal opens up at the bathroom and Connor steps out. "Oh, this place is cool. Hey, is that a armory?!"
He enters the Armory, to find a WidowMaker .50 sniper rifle and a ass load of Match ammo for it. "OMG." he picks up the sniper, "OMG!" he fires it "OMG! OMG! OMG!"
He leaves the armory and sees the Tox and his resurrected summons about 500 feet away. He raises his sniper and aims it at Code Monkey's head, lazer sight hitting his eye, he covers his face in pain.
Connor sees Jim in his scope, he aims, and fires at his fore head, killing him. Connor then puts the rifle on his back, and runs over to were they are seeing them prepping the bombs. Thankfully, Connor brought a grenade with him, and throws it at them before they notice his presence. The grenade explodes, and the bomb thankfully covered by Tox's dead body, however. Everyone except Sam were still alive, unharmed. "BOMB ARMED! TIME LEFT, TWO MINUETS."
"Oh shit!" they both yell as Sam reaches for the spell book, Connor running up to her and knocks it away with the butt of his gun. Connor jumps back and aims his long rifle at her head "OK, cool guy-I MEAN GIRL! Tell me why you want to blow up the moon!"
"Oh shit!" they both yell as Sam reaches for the spell book, Connor running up to her and knocks it away with the butt of his gun. Connor jumps back and aims his long rifle at her head "OK, cool guy-I MEAN GIRL! Tell me why you want to blow up the moon!"
"FUCK!" Connor yells, aims his gun at Sam and shoots her in the ****, the resulting power of the .50 caliber Match ammo blasting her 100 feet away and reaching a height into the sky of 200 feet. Connor, covering his bloody face, gets up and wonders Wait, they were trying to stop those asshole rake things, man, I feel really stupid now. I wonder what will happen when the bomb goes-- and then the bomb went off.
I will let Tox chose the fate of LLAM and the moon, but lets just say everyone dies and respawns in the mall, OK?
*Quest Failed: Don't turn out the light*
"Well fuck," says Connor after he respawns in the food court again. "At least I get to keep the Sniper."
*Quest Added: Restoring Improbability*
*Go find the Improbability drive, activate it or destroy it*
"How the fuck am I supposed to do that?"
[HEADING=1]Meanwhile at the beach[/HEADING]
"So what your saying is that you want a refund."
"Yes."
"Well screw you, now that you fucked up my world I don't want it back, I am too happy here at the beach."
"You have got to be kidding me."
"Sorry, not taking it back." Sister put on her shades, finishes here screwdriver, and spawns another one.
"Fine, tell me how to get back."
"Don't worry, your already back"
[HEADING=1]At the 100 mile high McDonald's[/HEADING]
"What?!" said the Auditor as he teleported in a McDonald's. "Hummmmm." He went to the cash register to find it was his controlled probability drive. He opens the camera to see the mall was back to normal. "Oh, good." he moves the camera to see Connor, writing down a note. Connor puts the note on the wall and walks off. I quit-Connor
The Auditor squints his eyes in rage, and then looks for the Knives clone. He finds him cooking burgers while wearing a McDonald's uniform. He then raises his hand, and a beam of dark energy come onto the Mindless clone, changing him into Nega Knives. "Destroy Connor, convert him to our cause, and kill anyone you may see."
Knives then goes though the portal to the mall, and sees Tox in the distance, his first prey.
"Well fuck," says Connor after he respawns in the food court again. "At least I get to keep the Sniper."
*Quest Added: Restoring Improbability*
*Go find the Improbability drive, activate it or destroy it*
"How the fuck am I supposed to do that?"
[HEADING=1]Meanwhile at the beach[/HEADING]
"So what your saying is that you want a refund."
"Yes."
"Well screw you, now that you fucked up my world I don't want it back, I am too happy here at the beach."
"You have got to be kidding me."
"Sorry, not taking it back." Sister put on her shades, finishes here screwdriver, and spawns another one.
"Fine, tell me how to get back."
"Don't worry, your already back"
[HEADING=1]At the 100 mile high McDonald's[/HEADING]
"What?!" said the Auditor as he teleported in a McDonald's. "Hummmmm." He went to the cash register to find it was his controlled probability drive. He opens the camera to see the mall was back to normal. "Oh, good." he moves the camera to see Connor, writing down a note. Connor puts the note on the wall and walks off. I quit-Connor
The Auditor squints his eyes in rage, and then looks for the Knives clone. He finds him cooking burgers while wearing a McDonald's uniform. He then raises his hand, and a beam of dark energy come onto the Mindless clone, changing him into Nega Knives. "Destroy Connor, convert him to our cause, and kill anyone you may see."
Knives then goes though the portal to the mall, and sees Tox in the distance, his first prey.
You guys may remember when there were like a million Knive's clones in the mall, well this one is like that, only evil and can corrupt players also into Nega players making them under The Auditor's control if he defeat you. If you want to control Nega Knives then go ahead.
Edit: OH yeah, like the Auditor, the only attacks he is susceptible to are electric. All physical attacks just pass right though him.
Edit: OH yeah, like the Auditor, the only attacks he is susceptible to are electric. All physical attacks just pass right though him.
Yummy ramen is yummy. Connor thinks as he eats is ramen at the food court. OK, to do list, quit working for sister and that other guy, check. Tell them I quit, check. Eat ramen, YES VERY CHECK. Turn off improbability drive, not check. Well, I'll figure that one out after I finish eating.
Tox runs past me. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFES!"
"Why," says Connor, but it was too late, he was gone. "Oh well, I just keep eating my ramen."
---
Nega Knives gets up, undauntedly go searching for Tox, and be stuck with an int of 1, he can't only think of doing that until he is finished. He continues his search for Tox.
Tox runs past me. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFES!"
"Why," says Connor, but it was too late, he was gone. "Oh well, I just keep eating my ramen."
---
Nega Knives gets up, undauntedly go searching for Tox, and be stuck with an int of 1, he can't only think of doing that until he is finished. He continues his search for Tox.
"Well after you told me what you were doing I felt stupid, so I let the moon blow up to make up for killing you. Also, like I care if some guy is coming after me, I HAVE RAMEN! Oh yeah, I shot you because of the heat of the moment."
But behind Connor was Nega Knives, now armed with a Katana, coming to kill Tox.
But behind Connor was Nega Knives, now armed with a Katana, coming to kill Tox.
"Connor," Continues to eat Ramen, stops, "So, you know how the mall came back to life and and I got to the moon with out any logical explanation."
"Hey, so anyways, all these recent strange events are caused by a improbability drive owned by some guy named Ted or something. Apparently he works for Sister and has control of the mall. I decided to stop his improbability drive as a big fuck you to sister for brain washing me into fighting the my allies. However, I need a ship that can transport me to his base about 100 miles above the ground, you guys got any ideas on how to get that?"
"She is the an evil demonic ***** who corrupts people and is the main antagonist. I have no idea were she is, maybe she's dead," Connor says "Lets go to that basement!"
And they went off to the elevator shaft. "You first." says Connor.
And they went off to the elevator shaft. "You first." says Connor.
When Tox finishes his decent, Connor shoots his arm down to the bottom like in JustCause 2, and pulls himself down, somehow not getting harmed when he reaches the bottom, why? JUST 'CAUSE!
Yeah, so they make their way to the hanger bay. "I will go right, you go left. Tell me if you see a airplane or something.
Yeah, so they make their way to the hanger bay. "I will go right, you go left. Tell me if you see a airplane or something.
Connor walks over to the right, putting on his scouter. Then a funny idea pops in his head. "HEY, TOX!" Connor lightly yells into his mic.
"WHAT IS THE SCOUTER'S- OH GOD! OMG OMG OMG," Connor yells into his mic. "It's... beautiful!"
"It's the coolest thing I have ever seen! It's the real Bat Copter from the Adam West Batman TV movie! Quick, come over here and get in shotgun!" Connor happily yelled into the mic.