Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]IN OTHERWORLD![/HEADING]

Tox and Connor continue to sleep. Frustrated at my inability to wake them, I begin searching for the closest player I can find. I come across that other guy I saw walking with them. I turn on the PA.

[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]

RaN: Hey you.

NaR looks around, confused.

RaN: Yeah, you. The one looking around like an idiot.

NaR points to himself.

RaN: That's right. Listen, I got two guys sitting on the other side of the mall sleeping on the job. Go wake them up, will you?

NaR: "Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?"

RaN: Guess I should have broken the ice first. What's your name?

NaR: "NaR."

RaN: *chuckles* What the Hell kind of name is that?

NaR: "Hey, I like my name! What do they call you?"

RaN: It's RaNDM.

NaR: "And you thought my name was stupid? Who the Hell calls himself Randumb?"

RaN: It's RaNDM you little hard case. Now are you going to help me out or not?

NaR: "... Fuck it. I don't got anything better to do."

NaR walks down the hallway to try and wake up Connor and Tox.

[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]

Roach: "You've gone and done it now."

After saving the filly's life, Roach, Ghost, and I have been incarcerated in a mental asylum for dangerous criminals.

Ghost: "Got any bright ideas?"

RaN: "Well, we could try sweet talking our way past the guards."

Roach: "Like that'll work."

RaN: "Hey, I'm open to suggestions here."

A guard approaches the cell and bangs on the door.

Guard: "No talking!"

Ghost: "Who are you to tell us what to-AAAAAAAARGH GOD!"

The guard activates the collar around Ghost's neck, choking and electrocuting him.

Guard: "No backtalk! Next time one of you opens your damn mouth, the whole lot of you gets choked!"

The guard releases the restraint, allowing Ghost to breath.

Guard: "Do I make myself clear?"

Roach opens his mouth to speak, but shuts it before he can say anything.

Guard: "Good. I'm glad we understand each other."

The guard shuts out the lights before walking out of the cell.

RaN: "This day couldn't get any worse."

 

[Connor Lonske]

Behind RaN in the "Other world" is a dark feminine figure, who say "First of all, yes, it has. Second of all, waking Tox and Connor isn't going to work. Not until they wake up themselves, that is."

RaN turns around and tries to punch her, with no avail.

"You think one of the three heros wouldn't be so stupid." says Sister.

[HEADING=1]Meanwhile, in Tox's and Connor's combined subconscious[/HEADING]

"Wait, how can I be in all these places at once! Unless!"

Everything shatters, Connor is again at the three way intersection. "Tox, listen to me!" he yells, "We aren't in the mall, we aren't even near Sister! We are in a dream!"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" yells Tox, become insane.

"Look, you can stay if you want, but I am getting out of here!" And with that Connor spawns a Desert Eagle thanks to it being a dream and fires it at his head, and he falls.

 

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]IN OTHERWORLD![/HEADING]

Sister vanishes before the hit connects.

RaN: "I'm on to your stupid game! Come out and fight me."

Sister: "My dear little RaNDM. We have a sort of checkered past, have we not? You've been awfully busy while I was gone."

RaN: "WHERE ARE YOU!?"

Sister: "Here."

Sister spawns to my left. I draw my handgun and fire, but she leans out of the way and vanishes again.

Sister: "Still thinking with your gun instead of your head? You've always been quick to temper. Even so, I found your rise to power as a king of Hell to be... inspiring."

RaN: "That's why you wouldn't leave me alone? I almost lost the city twice thanks to you!"

Sister: "I was merely gauging your strength then. I had no idea you would gain so much power in so little a time."

Sister whispers into my right ear.

Sister: "I think it's sexy..."

RaN, disgusted: "Aw, sick."

I throw a right backhand, but Sister catches my arm and breaks it at the radius.

RaN: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

I kick her abdomen, sending her spinning face down to the floor. I jump onto her and grab the back of her head with my left hand.

Sister: "This the way you treat all the girls back home?"

SHUT UP!

I bash her head against the floor.

SHUT UP!

I bash her head again.

SHUT UP!

I bash her head again. Sister elbows me in the jaw, blood streaming from my mouth. She kicks me in the junk. I crash down onto the floor as she vanishes.

Sister: "You know you always wanted me, but not as much as I want you."

RaN: "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

Sister: "But toying with you is just so much fun."

I clamber back up to my feet, looking around the room in confusion.

Sister: "You look like such an idiot, you know that?"

RaN: "Leave me alone..."

Sister spawns in front of me.

Sister: "Never."

Sister throws a right hook, but I phase through the floor before she can hit me. As I fall down the twelve-story tower, I draw my handgun and fire six rounds into the room above me. I crash into the floor on my back.

RaN: "Ow."

I lose consciousness.

[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]

NaR approaches Connor and Tox.

NaR: "Alright, let's see what we got here."

NaR tries shaking them awake without much effect.

NaR: "Hmm..."

As NaR tries checking for a pulse on Connor, he discovers a transmitter lodged into the back of his head.

NaR: "What the heck is this?"

NaR pulls the transmitter out. Connor wakes up screaming from the pain.

Connor: "OH MY GOD THAT HURTS!"

NaR, surprised: "Holy shit!"

 

[Connor Lonske]

"What the fuck guy?" Connor says, disoriented, "Man, sister is crazy! She plants these ideas in my damn head, makes me think about a past I never had! FUCK!"

Connor then gets up, jumps up and down in anger, much to the fear of NaR. He finally stops yelling and screaming and sits back down. "OK, now, what has been going on since I fell asleep."

 

[RaNDM G]

Spoiler: OOC

Never mind then RaN.

Sorry. I'm not used to others posting this late at night and I wanted to get my part of the story told. Also, the Equestria sub-plot is an unrelated storyline that I'll wrap up when I think the time is right. It's a completely different RaNDM.

NaR: "Nothing much really, I just got here. Some guy called RaNDM sent me over."

 

[Connor Lonske]

"Oh yeah, that asshole," Connor say to NaR, "So, if you came to wake me up, don't try it on Tox, he is in la la land and has lost his mind."

 

[RaNDM G]

NaR: "Speaking of sleep, what time is it?"

Connor checks his watch.

Connor: "About 9:30 Pacific time. Why'd you ask?"

Connor looks up to find NaR sleeping on a bench.

Connor: "Figures."

Spoiler: OOC

That's my cue to stop for the night. See you tomorrow.

 

[Connor Lonske]

"Wait, why did I read Pacific time, I'm a New Yorker!" Ponders Connor.

He gets off the ground, and looks at the bench to see it is covered in folders and papers. "Damn, Sister really is trying to fuck with me, isn't she." Connor walks away with out even toughing the papers, and realizes that Tox has a lot of cool stuff on his body.

He walks back to find the two sleeping men, one on the grass, one on the bench. Connor takes the gun Tox was using and then, feeling tired, takes of his jacket and puts it over himself as he sleeps on the pavement. He can finally rest peacefully, with out crazy dreams and fake memories. He closes his eyes, and knocks out.

 

[Knife-28]

I respawn in the park, and see everyone is asleep. "Awww, thats no fun..."I say, before walking off to the storage locker store, where I open storages locker 42 and retreve my meme talismans. "Well, I might as well see if these things still work while I wait for the the others to wake up." I fire the full blast of my talismans, (That is: The Random Japanese Game-Show Host, The King of Hyrule, Captain Falcon, Chad Warrden, Dramatic Gopher, Doctor Octagonapus talismans)
on the nearest store I see, the SpaceShip Parts Store. Unfortulently, inside the store are several prototype improboblilty drives, and, due to the destructive nature of the talismans, the resulting explosion causes reality to go screwy. One of the first things that happens is that the talismans beguin to glow a dull red, and float upwards, pulling me with them. I look across the park and see the same things happening to Tox's as well. All the talismans across the mall float upwards to a point above the fountain, my own ones dragging me along with them. The talismans meet in a blinding explosion of light, and when the light has disapated, there is no trace of me or the talismans.

 

[Ren3004]

I jump from behind Tox and stab him in the heart, then I take his gun and shoot Connor.


Then I sit around, singing lullabies.

 

[Connor Lonske]

"AHHHHHHHH-Oh," yells Connor, "Man, that guy couldn't have the curtsy to shoot me in the head, could he?"

Connor gets up, "Man, that dream was crazy, Sister really wants to fuck with us," he says, "So, how do we stop her again?"

 

[Connor Lonske]

(OCC=This plays during your first part Tox)


A Dalek ship teleports over both malls.

Cops enter the front of the old mall.

The Clown comes out of hell's elevator with a warning sign.

---

They all converge on the park, Daleks beeping, Cops shooting, Clown banishing.

They assemble around the indoor park, armed, loaded, EXTERMINATION ready, and fucking insane.

"Fuck." says all the 5 personalities and the 2 players.

 

[Connor Lonske]

"Ah, True to Ceaser!" says a Legionary.

"Fuck off." Connor says as he walks back to the elevator.

---

"lol, OMG dis is COolS!" happily says The Clown.

"Shut up." says the Auditor, not giving a shit.

---

"Mr NCR Ranger, will you stand up, please!"

The ranger stand up and gets shot in the head.

"That is not how you not be seen, thank you Mr. NCR Rangers!"

---

"Uhhhh, this is a very special album, with war sounds in the back. And it's, a collector's item, so it must be treasured. It's "So Sad About Us" and it is one of the very rare recording of Pete Townsend, alone, uncombined, by himself and his guitar.


---

Connor and Tox make it to the elevator.

"So, what floor?"

 

[Connor Lonske]

"Here's a song from out last album! It goes a like this!"


---

The song playing on the PA system, including the elevator.

 

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]IN OTHERWORLD![/HEADING]

I wake up on the floor beneath the clock tower, discovering my arm has repaired itself and all of my wounds have been healed.

"There's no way I should have survived that."

LEVEL UP

Level: ?

Max HP: 999... /999

Attack: 255

Defense: 255

Magic Attack: 800

Magic Defense: 800

New Perk: ... It can never die.

Your seemingly low attack and defense is offset by the fact that you are freakin' immortal.

"Oh. That explains it."

I draw my handgun and walk outside, discovering a crowd of rakes and other vile creatures have been resurrected.

"Dammit. Why doesn't anything around here just stay dead?"

As I combat the crowd of freaks, Lovecraft plays in the background:


[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]

NaR hides from the ensuing chaos.

NaR: "Stupid fourth wall."

[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]

Sitting in the dark, I hear a girl's voice call out to me.

???: "Hello?"

RaN: "Hey!"

???: "Wow, I didn't think they would put anyone else in here. It's been six months since I've been able to talk to someone. I've counted every single day!"

RaN: "Are you the only other person in here?"

???: "Uh huh. In fact, the only reason they built this place was because of something they thought I did."

Roach: "Oh really? And what was that?"

???: "Well, there was this huge misunderstanding over what I baked my cupcakes with."

RaN: "Oh no..."

[HEADING=1]IN OTHERWORLD![/HEADING]

I have finished slaying the demons.

"Well, that was easy."

I walk back to my room in the clocktower and fall on the couch. Before I fall asleep, something on the monitor catches my eye. Taking a closer look, I notice that chaos has erupted in the mall.

*facepalm*

"Stupid fourth wall."

 

[Connor Lonske]

"Subsec not contained, anti-citizen status approved."

---

Connor throws a knife at a Stormtrooper above him and he falls into a pit. Then, all these people from different retro movies and show show up and Connor and Sam shoot them, and they all make the Wihelm Scream.

 

[Connor Lonske]

"Hey, spawn me a Katina to fight these Ninjas with!" yells Connor, and Xox does so.

Connor then goes ageist the Foot Clan "Mitsurugi" like, and start yelling Japanese War Crys as he fights them.

Then Link shows up, and the fight goes like this.

OCC=Relvent part of the video ends at 2:05

Half way though the fight Link almost kills Connor, but thanks to his "Dead Yet, Tough Guy" perk, he is still alive. Tox then heals Connor and Connor kicks Links ass and throws him into the pit.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Connor jumps in front of the Cell Phone taking the picture and cuts a Stormtrooper in half while he flies though the air, the photo is taken.

 

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]IN OTHERWORLD![/HEADING]

I turn on the PA system.

[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]

RaN: Hey you! NaR!

NaR: "Aw fuck. What do you want now?"

RaN: Go find Tox and Connor and Gibbs-slap them for me.

NaR: "Fine..."

NaR walks up behind Tox and Connor and smacks them both in the back of the head.

Tox: "The fuck was that for?"

NaR: "You broke the fourth wall."

Connor: "But why'd you hit me?"

NaR: "I felt like it."

 

[RaNDM G]

NaR escapes the army of Foot Ninjas after being Dick Cheney'd by Tox.

NaR: "That guy's next on my shitlist."

[HEADING=1]IN OTHERWORLD![/HEADING]

I watch NaR's epic fail on the monitor.

*double facepalm*