Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[Sam G]

"Hmmmmm..." I ponder, staring at the computer. This has been my objective the whole time, but now that I'm there I'm not really sure what I should do with it. Is there some complex code of digits I have to type in to disable it? Some... "off-switch", perhaps? This is all rather beyond my thinking abilities, and I'm about to retire in defeat when inspirations strikes me.

"Aha! That should do it!" I declare, then summon a baseball bat out of thin air and smash the computer into a pile of hissing circuitry.

 

[Connor Lonske]

[HEADING=1]Elsewhere[/HEADING]

"Shit." says the Auditor as he watches Sam beat the shit out of the computer.

>Infect_player_Sam G
y/n?
>y
loading...

[HEADING=1]Back at Sam.[/HEADING]

As he smashes the computer, he is starting to feel very sick, like his stomach is full of blood. He throws up a reddish green liquid on the floor and his bat.

 

[Sam G]

"Oh, blugh. That ain't fun..." I mumble. I don't appear to have that much time. I'd best skip the scenic route, then.

I drag my body over to the window at the far side of the room and throw myself out. I catch myself before I hit the ground with my Jesus-powers and right myself into a position to land on my feet, but find that it isn't that easy to support my own weight and I crumple into a heap when I land.

"No, can't die yet; there's still stuff to do..." I mumble through bloodied lips. I force myself to stand, summoning a spear to support myself with, and hobble towards the Auditor's base. "Business time, you bastard," I mutter.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Connection destroyed
Drive still active

After 20 minuets, Sam makes it to the two floored building. He finds it's easier to lift his body using the keystone's powers than to walk, and can easily rip apart enemy with powers of matter manipulation despite the sickness.

He enters the door, and finds a few 1337 agents armed with handguns, they open fire.

25/40 1337 agents killed
15/20 ATP agents killed

 

[Sam G]

"Oh, here we go again," I mumble. I pick up the flooring on either side of the largest group of enemies, level it with them and slam the two sides together, smushing them to wee bits. I soar towards the stragglers and grab one by the throat, crush it between my fingers, then beat a few more to death with his cadaver before it finally falls apart. The remaining two agents come at me with knives, and I "d'aaaaw" at their naivety before grabbing both knives by the blade, crushing them into twisted metal and cracking the agent on the left's skull with a headbutt.

The single remaining agent drops his knife and turns to run, but trips over a corpse I left earlier and makes easy pickin's. I'd love to have fun with this one, but stomach pangs remind me I don't have the time, so I simply walk over and kick his head off.

"Alright, you're next!" I cry, adressing the Auditor, then cross my arms over my head and shoot up through the ceiling of the room I'm in, plowing past floors of the building and ending up on the top floor where I'd hoped the Auditor would be.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Before he makes it too the latter leading to the Auditor's room, a large Mag Agent drops from a hidden room holding a very big handgun. He aims it at Sam and fires one very, very, big bullet.

 

[Sam G]

I catch the bullet in one hand, drop it on the ground and punch the Mag Agent in the balls.

Right in the balls.

Then I shuffle around him and scale the ladder.

"Alright, let's you an' me fight," I say to the shadowy bastard waiting at the far side of the room.

 

[Connor Lonske]

The light switch comes on, this isn't the Auditor's room, its a hotdog stand.

"Please don't kill me!" yells the vender, partially hiding behind his friers.

 

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]IN THE BINARY ZONE![/HEADING]
NaR looks on in confusion as Waffles still plays with his Rubix Cube.

NaR: "Can someone tell me what just happened?"

Waffles: "Tox disappeared into a random series of 1s and 0s. Obviously."

NaR: "I know that! Where the Hell did he go?!"

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I throw a Rubix Cube on the ground, in anger, after not being able to solve it, "I'm fucking bored, man!", I look at the Fourth Wall, "And boredom is the first step on the road to relapse."


I pretend if I'm putting on makeup, "Would you fuck me?", I ask the Fourth Wall, "I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me hard.", I dance sensually.

"Its best not to question it, NaR, just shut up and dance is what I say.", I say.

 

[RaNDM G]

NaR: "Aw Hell naw!"

NaR walks back to the break room.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"NaR!", I run after him, "We can change the song if that's the problem!"

 

[RaNDM G]

NaR: "That's not it. I'm going back to the Mall."

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"You can't leave!", I say, "No, seriously, you can't leave, its sorta impossible without someone pulling you out."

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"He transported somewhere.", I say with a shrug.

 

[RaNDM G]

The entire party is transported away from the Binary Zone.

[HEADING=1]ON A PERFECT REPLICA OF EARTH![/HEADING]

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I pause, "How the hell are we here?!"

 

[RaNDM G]

NaR: "Best not to question it Waffles. Just shut up and go with it."

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I roll my eyes and feel the ground, "This is Earth, huh?"

 

[RaNDM G]

NaR: "Feels more like a perfect replica of Earth if you ask me."