Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[Stone Wera]

Zrofgvuk enters a large store filled with all manners of torture devices. He goes to the cashier, her back is turned to him.
"Wait one minute sir, I'll be with you in a moment."
She turns to look at him, when she sees the horns she freezes instantly, dropping the antique vase she was polishing. It shattered on the ground, the eel inside of it flopping sround on the floor.
"You're back."
"Of course... You didn't think I could hatch a plot as evil as this without any help, did you?"
"No... But why'd you come back here."
"Because there's one person here more evil than I... I talk of course, of THE EX."
"She's in the back, taking a smoke break."
"Excellent."
He enters the back room, much cursing and breaking of ceramics is heard before Zrofgvuk exits the room, a gash on his forehead and an axe in his back.
"*****."
An Irish highland claymore flew out of the room, barely missing Zrofgvuk.
[HEADING=3]MEANWHILE...[/HEADING]
Stone Wera spawns in the Void store, at a table with the Chaos Gods.
"So... Let's shoot the breeze, I've got a proposition for you."
"PROCEED, PUNY MORTAL."
"You ever hear of that Zrofgvuk fellow?"

 

[Stone Wera]

"He's trying to kill of all the players in order to prevent the upcoming Grfulthyuth."
He took a nonchalant sip of his coffee, pretending to enjoy it less than he did.
"The Grfulthyuth is a Mall ritual where one player is selected to destroy all of this mall. Zrofgvuk is one of this mall, which is why he's determined to stop this century's Grfulthyuth. The mall and those of this mall have been destroyed before, outside of Grfulthyuth. But this is different. Everything, the stores, the people, everything is wiped off the face of the Earth. You see, this was a normal mall once, long ago, perhaps 500 years. Then the players showed up. Their actions shaped the face of the mall, the stains of war and bloodshed tainted the mall, it became a hellish realm of pain. One player by the name of Kfvahgth decided that the damages were irreperable. He destroyed everything, the players and the mall. He knew full well a new mall would rise from the ashes, as would new players. He took his own life shortly after, warning that this cycle would repeat itself. Thus began the centurial ritual of Grfulthyuth."

 

[Knife-28]

Deciding to explore The Mall,I wander over to the antique store and look inside. I see a section called, "Priceless Weapons and Armor" and decide to take a gander. Inside I see a Golden Shield inside a glass case.
"Ooo, Shiny."
I break the case and pick up the shield. As I loft it over my head a talisman with of a Random Japanese Game-Show Host on it falls on my head. I pick it up of the ground and, for the heck of it, put it on. I immediately feel lighter and I notice that I'm floating.
"Wow, kickass."
I decider to float around the mall looking for more talismans.

 

[Stone Wera]

I shake Tzeentch's hand.
"Deal. So where is this deamonic artifact of yours?"
I might need to travel through three continents, slay the dragon and rescue the damsel, but I can take comfort in knowing that things won't change in the least... Things will go on in the same way as they have for centuries... Good thing Tzeetch, the God of change, has absolutely no problem with that... None in the least.

 

[Stone Wera]

Zrofgvuk was walking through the mall, talking with his master employer on his iPhone.
"I couldn't get her to cooperate."
Now you know what it was like when we were dating."
"Yeah, yeah, who else do we need?"
"There's always Jack."
"Of blades? We've got four game related characters already in this mall, we don't need another."
Then what do you propose?
"I could try to make a character compatable respawner for HitlerStalin."
"If such a thing were possible, would we need to stop Grfulthyuth?
"True, true... Well I'll think of something, I was a player before, I know their weaknesses."
"Well you better think fast, you got a second chance, 'Zrofgvuk'. Don't eff this up, or I'll send you back to your grave."
"Yes, sir."
He hung up. His boss could be a real pain-in-the-ass sometimes, but Zrofgvuk was still thankful. He was still going to stab him in the back, but he'd thank him first.

 

[Stone Wera]

Zrofgvuk passed a water park. He sensed a god-modder about, the greatest evil imaginable.
"Hey, you! I'll give you a sandwich if you help my murder everyone!"

 

[Knife-28]

As I float over the fountain I see another talisman whth the The King of Hyrule's gob on it. As I slip it on next to he Random Japanese Game-Show Host talisman a booming voice calls out fron every dirction."The King of Hyrule gives the power of Shapeshifting, change shape of oneself or others into different animals and possible to turning oneself into non-living object."

I go to the 'Fancy Dress store' and pick out a plain black suit and tie. I walk out of the store and go to the 'Book Warehouse' next door. Nodding to the store owner, I open a door marked 'Danger, No Entry' and walk inside. I turn on the lights, illuminating row after row of boxes.
"Looks like I've got some work to do."

 

[Stone Wera]

Zrofgvuk sits down at the fountain.
"Why do I even keep trying?"
The goop in the fountain that was HitlerStalin began to bubble and take shape, reforming.
"KILL!"
Zrofgvuk turned to see HitlerStalin emerging from the fountain.
"HitlerStalin, old friend, how have you been?"
"GOOP."
"I see... How'd you like to help me kill all the players?"
"KILL!"
"Fantastic... Just get down on the bench over there."
"OH, KAY."
He lies down on the bench, ignorant as to what's about to happen to him.
"Now put this blindfold on."
"UH, KAY."
He put it on, lying perfectly still as Zrogvuk drew an evil looking dagger from his cloak and raised it above his head, bringing it down on HitlerStalin's chest. HitlerStalin convulsed, the evil being sucked from his body and into the dagger. The blade began to grow in size and wickedness, it pulsed and writhed, seemingly alive with pure malice. HitlerStalin was left a mere skeleton, all of his will, life, and evil being trapped in the dagger, which had grown into a sword of great size and eviltude.
"Perfect... Everything's coming together excellent."

[HEADING=1]MEANWHILE, IN THE SEWERS...[/HEADING]

"Friggin' Chaos Gods... They didn't even tell me what the artifact looks like, not even a map, just a post-it note with a penis drawn on it and the words "KHORNE ROOLZ!" written in crayon."
He came across a long and rickety looking bridge ahead, over a deep canyon were the sewage shelved off. The water falls of used toilet water gave off the least pleasant smell in the world, the stench of rotting corpses and the mold covered wood of the bridge made him want to lose his lunch. He cautiosly took the first step onto the ricketey bridge, letting out a sigh of relief as the bridge managed to remain intact.
"Well that's a--"
The ropes snapped and the bridge gave way, Stone Wera plummeted into the stinky darkness below.

 

[Stone Wera]

I wake up at the bottom of the pit, floating in the sewage. I climb to the nearest land mass, a small sand bar near the wall.
"Phew, how convienent I survived."
I notice a hidden wall open, as martintox shows up through a vault 13-esque door.
"Say, haven't I seen you before somewhere?"
I look around in an attempt to figure out where I am.
"You're in the Saiyan Basement, where #%@& gets screwy and different games collide."
Tzeentch informs me through the guild seal he'd left where my wallet used to be.
"Am I in the right place?"
"Eh, probably."
"That's not very helpful."
"YOUR HEALTH IS LOW! DO YOU HAVE ANY POTIONS? OR FRUIT?"
"I've killed people for saying that."
"I sense martintox is there with you. You should work with him, lessen your chances of dying."
"I'll try to get him to come with me."
"HERO, YOUR WILL ENERGY IS LOW!"
I huck the guild seal into the sewage.
"So, martintox... Just you and me... Want to help me kill a bad guy? I pay with cookies!"

 

[Stone Wera]

"Fantastic! Now just come with me, we might encounter some weird stuff, and I need to count on you to watch my back."
I lead him by the hand using the Touch System.
"Wow... They have things from games that haven't even been realesed yet!"
I look up to spot a floating brick with a question mark on it.
"Neat!"
I jump up and headbutt the brick, fracturing my skull and releasing the contents of the brick. A Meme Talisman.
"Wow... What does this do again?"

 

[Stone Wera]

"Well hey, give me one! I've wanted superpowers since I was a boy!"
I grab one of the talismans, the WeeGee Talisman.
"What's this one do? I've never seen these things before."

 

[Knife-28]

I step out of the 'Book Warehouse' laiden with gadgets and set off in serch of Meme talismans, a grand plan forming in my head."But first" I say as I walk over to the hole the manager made 26 pages ago, "I need an IPad."

Spoiler: OOC

Aww, come on guys, at least find the talasmans where SamG said they'ld be.

 

[Stone Wera]

"And we have the Team Fortress 2 Talisman... I can take a wild guess at what that does."
I shake the WeeGee Talisman around, in an attempt to make it work. It glows violently and begins rumbling.
"Gah! Witchcraft!"
I dive behind a fallen ? brick as the talisman rises in the air and flashes brightly before falling to the ground.
"What was that?"
"I dunno."
The ? brick I was hiding behind came to life, rising in the air and floating out of the Saiyan Basement.
"So long, jerkwads! Have fun rotting in this hole!"
"You didn't mention that it turned inanimate objects into douche bags."

 

[Stone Wera]

Spoiler: OOC

But those talismans were all found. Wouldn't they be hidden in new spots?

 

[Knife-28]

I drop sdown into the hole and, after looking around, I find THE IPAD OF POWER! I dust it off and activate the 'Find Meme Talisman' application. The App beeps rapidly and I notice an airvent laying at nearby. I walk over to it and, low and behold, I find a Talisman.
"Captain Falcon," The Ipad chirps, " Allows explosive energy to be discharged from the talisman. Also grants the person holding the Talisman immunity to explosives and fire."

Spoiler: OOC

Gaaahhh, quickfire posts, My one weakness!
Also Wera, you make a good point.

 

[Stone Wera]

"Oooh, shiny!"
I step through the portal, being teleported to a trash compactor.
"Well that's anti-climactic."
I see something sticking out of the pile of empty ? bricks. I pick it up, this object doesn't seem to be from any game... It must be the artifact. It's a large and diamond encrusted faux blunderbuss. When I pick it up, the portal closes and the trash compactor walls begin closing in on me.
"Martintox, help!"

 

[Stone Wera]

OOC: You're forgiven.