Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[Knife-28]

Deciding I need somthing to eat I leap out of the hole and walk over to the pie shop and buy a pie. I bite down on it and my teeth meet somthing hard. I swear and seperate the pie. Amazingly, the piw contained another Talisman.
"Chad Warrden, Power of Balance. When halved, it also splits the user's positive and negative halves (Yin and Yang) into two separate beings, each holding a half of the talisman. Can also be used to find the "other half" of a broken object. The two beings rejoin when they reunite the broken talisman."
While listening to the Ipad, I place the Talisman on my gauntlet, along side Caption Falcon, The King of Hyrule and Random Japanese Game-Show Host.

 

[Stone Wera]

While I pound on the walls, I notice a talisman sticking from one jammed brick. I find it to be the Dr. Rabbit Talisman. You don't have to be a genius to figure out that rabbit equals speedy. I run backwards fast enough to make the world turn backwards, like in Superman! Unfortunatly, the plan doesn't work, and the clocks just get set back an hour. Maybe because time and the progression of events are seperate? Hah, balls no. Nonstandard space/time isn't allowed here.

 

[Stone Wera]

The walls get closer and closer as I see my life flash before my eyes.
"Oh dear, not prom night again!"
The walls sandwich me, crushing my bones and killing me. This is the end of the extremely sexy and talented Stone Wera! Oh wait, I forgot, we have a respawn system. I respawn in the pie store with Knife-28.
"How ya doin', Knifey?"

 

[Stone Wera]

How ya doin', toxy? Oh, by the way, thanks for letting me die."
I flash my respawn watch, using my left hand so martintox can see the 3/5.

 

[Knife-28]

"No, I don't give handouts."
I waltz over to the dutch clock shop, waltz inside, take the Dramatic Gopher talisman and waltz out again.
I then laser Wera and create an explosion that sends Tox flying into the 'Sharp And Pointy Things' store.
I then go to Dr Octagonapus's corpse and take the Talisman from around his neck. I turn invisible and hide in a secret place.

 

[Knife-28]

A dark shape appears behind Tox. He turns around in horror and sees a figure of nightmares.
"HHHHHAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!" The figure screams and Tox is hit in the head by a moniter.

 

[Stone Wera]

I respawn inside the Void Store.
"Is this the thing?"
I place the blingy blunderbuss on the table, stepping back, near the exit.
"Um, I gotta go, I just need to go out for a bit."
I exit the store, going into the fountain and hiding the Dr. Rabbit Talsiman among the many coins and assorted petrified bubblegum.
"Now to hide the other."
I turn to see the corpse of HitlerStalin, emanciated and haggard.
"Wuh--"
Zrofgvuk comes up from behind, grabbing me by the shoulder and spinning me around before stabbing me in the chest with the Dagger of Hrfyulgh. As he stabs me, the evil in the blade is pumped into me, returning Hfyulgh to it's original size. He pulls the blade from me and kicks me out of the fountain. I stir a bit before pulling the WeeGee talisman from my suit, he had missed his mark and hit the talisman instead.
"Heh, looks like you've lost your aim."
"Oh, mother gtrylf..."
I see that the talisman is pulsing with evil, glowing red and smoking, however, it remains cold to the touch.
"That's not good is it?"
The talisman rumbles and I drop it to the ground, running behind a bench. It explodes in a blast of evil, knocking Zrofgvuk off his feet and shattering the talisman into a million and one pieces.
"Well that wasn't so bad."
I say before the mall begins to creak and shake, the bench in front of me begins to writhe, as if alive.
"You have no idea."
The mall is alvie with evil, it's been watching the players and knows their weaknesses, looks like Gryfulthyuth will have to wait, bigger problems are rearing their heads.
"Temporary truce, Zrof?"
"Truce... Temporarily."
"Let me guess, we need to go the heart of the mall and kill it?"
"No, this blade can drain the evil and life from it, if I let the mall be destroyed, I'd have undone all my hard work."
I shake Zrofgvuk's hand, I just hope we can stop the mall before things get too crazy.

 

[Stone Wera]

The mall shuts the door in front of martintox, trapping him in Basement 13. The lights dim and Vorhees's shadow seems to loom from all directions. The PA system goes on and Mall's androdgenous voice declares...
"Martintox, I've got special plans for you."

 

[Stone Wera]

Spoiler: OOC

What's with the extreme character control? And martintox has the Heavy Talisman. And the WeeGee was destroyed... Do you need a recap?

 

[Stone Wera]

Spoiler: OOC

I don't hate you, it's just that you should start catching up before posting, seeing as there's a plot cooking up. And you might want to keep a close eye on the insane-o meters, seeing as I'm the chef.

 

[Stone Wera]

"So where's the heart of the mall?"
"Deep underground."
"Deeper than the sewers?"
"Much."
"How much?"
Zrofgvuk picks up a nearby carton of eggs, taking out one and throwing the rest away.
"Let's say this egg represents the mall. Have you been to the basements?"
"Yes... All the way to the 9001st one."
"You haven't even gotten all the way through the shell. We need to be at the yolk in a matter of hours."
"This mall is driving me nucking futs."
"I'd say the sewers would be a good place to start."
"Not there again, I'm done with sewers."
"Well then, how do you suppose we get to the yolk?"
I grab Zrofgvuk and turn him around, pointing out the Jackhammer Emporium. We enter the store, an assortment of drills, land submarines, and jackhammers greet us. I stay in front, examining the wares, while Zrofgvuk goes to the back room.

 

[Knife-28]

"Hello Wera." I say as I appear behind him. "What's cooking?"

 

[Stone Wera]

"Not much, we're trying to drill to the heart of the mall to drain the life/evil from it before it kills us all."
In the next aisle over, the jackhammers start up, pummeling through the rack and going straight for Knife-28's throat.

 

[Knife-28]

The jackhammer suddenly halts in mid-air, turns, and is lunched through the window.
"Ahh, thank you Sab."
"I thought I told you not to call me that."
"Oh, sorry, my bad.
I look at Wera, who has a mixture of surprise and confuse painted on his face.

 

[Stone Wera]

OOC: I'm sorry, was the dark red text already taken? Because that was the voice/color I was using for the mysterious villian.

A second jackhammer comes at Knife, this one I manage to grab and throw out of the window.
"I'll ask questions later, right now help me with these jackhammers."
A large land sub breaches from the fountain, destroying it. The mall screams and writhes in agony, the entire building shaking. Zrofgvuk sticks his head out of the window, motioning for Knife-28 and I to get in.

 

[Stone Wera]

As martintox jumps through to the 9001st basement, the hole behind him heals up. Not only repairing, but making itself stronger as well.
"The closer you get to my heart, the greater my power becomes."
Several ? bricks come flying at martintox, one hitting him in the gut, winding him.
"The deeper you go, you dig your own grave."
After the volley of ? bricks had passed, a zerg rush came straight for martintox.
"This is not a fraction of the power I possess. This basement will be your tomb."

 

[Stone Wera]

Spoiler: OOC

I asked if you needed a recap, and I certainly didn't bar you from the story. If you want, I could make the Keanu Reeves statue come to life and attack you.

 

[Knife-28]

"Um, Wera, who's this guy." I say pointing to Zrofgvuk.
"Yea, I don't trust him."

 

[Stone Wera]

"He's cool, we have temporary truce."
I grab Knife-28 and pull him into the land sub, Zrofgvuk makes a U-turn and goes deep underground.
"Knife-28, meet Zrofgvuk."
Zrofgvuk turns around to face Knife-28.
"Hiya, Knifey!"