Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[Ren3004]

I keep fighting Sister, doing my best to keep her distracted from her surroundings.

"You can't win, Ren! HAHAHAHA! Embrace your death!" she said as she brought her chainsaw down over my head.

I barely manage to block her before getting cut in half. I throw Sister a piercing stare and utter only one word...

"No."

I kick Sister, knocking her right in front of RaNDM's golf cart's path.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"I do not believe it, Ren may have turned this battle around, folks!" I say surprised, "What's this!? Bryght has entered the fray!"

 

[Ren3004]

I try to melt the bullets with my lightsabre, but Bryghtside hits me. I fall to the ground, struggling to breathe, and see that Sister was hit by the golf cart and is fallen in the ground, writhing in pain. Before I die, I manage to utter one last sentence.

"RaNDM... finish her..."

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"This announcer hopes Ren realizes nobody really dies here..." I say, thinking out loud.

 

[Knife-28]

I slink away from the battle, into a nearby bookstore.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"And Knife forgets I see everything!" I say, "I recommend Hitchhiker's Guide!"

 

[Ren3004]

I die and respawn in an unfamiliar place. I can see trees all around me. I get up and see that I was lying down on grass. Looking behind me, I can see the distant shape of the mall.

"I... I'm free? AHAH! I'M FREE!!! AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

I run around jumping and shouting, until I feel a force pulling me backwards.

"What the...?"

I fall down to the ground and get dragged over the grass in the mall's direction.

"No! No, no, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"3...4...5...6..." I say, counting the seconds till Ren gets back.

 

[Knife-28]

While slinking backwards, I crash into a bookshelf, and am covered in books.

 

[Ren3004]

Back at the mall, I try to find my way back to the battle. On my way there, I pick up a "Gentleman's magazine".

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"And Knife fails..." I say, disappointed.
"And Ren is back in 10 seconds! A new record!"

 

[Ren3004]

Suddenly, the floor behind me seems to shift place. I get thrown down to the lowest floor and see GLaDOS building itself.

"Oh, it's you." she says in Sister's voice.

"No! Sir, what have you done?"

"Look, we've got a lot to talk about. For science."

"Sure, let me start. This sentence is false."

 

[RaNDM G]

I wake up, slowly crawling towards my Justin Bieber corpse. I pick up my handgun and stumble down into the reactor core.

"BRYGHTSIDE!!!!!!!"

Bryghtside turns to me in horror.

"BAM, SAID THE LADY!"

*bang*

Bryghtside falls dead to the floor. I grab his Portal gun and shoot a portal at the moon. Sister is helpless to stop me.

Sister: "What the Hell do you think you're doing?"

RaNDM: "I saw this in a videogame once."

I shoot a portal under the Sister/Rebecca Black/GLaDOS hybrid. The entire mall is sucked into the void of space.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"And in a shocking development Bryght has turned the Mall into Aperture Science, I must say-Man, fuck this shit." I say in disgust, "I'm bored with!" I then jump down from my Food Fort blast Potato-Sis and Bryght with my shotgun.

 

[Knife-28]

As I work my way out of the pile of books, I see a small, faded green notepad. Peeking my couriosity, I pick it up and read the title;
'The Compleat Atlas of The Mall and Surrounding Environs'. "Hmmmm, this could come in handy". I slip The Atlas into my pocket and continue to dig myself out from under the books.

 

[Ren3004]

"Nooooooo-" My scream gets cut off as I reach the vacuum of space. All of us burst because of the absence of pressure.

 

[RaNDM G]

The mall respawns in the middle of the Sahara desert with everyone inside.

Me: "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!?"


Meanwhile in Space

As she drifts through space, Sister begins to hallucinate.

"Dad, I'm in space."

"I am proud of you son."

"Dad, are you space?"

"Yes. Now we are a family again."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!"

Sister drifts into the sun, never to be seen or heard from again.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I get sucked in the vacuum of space, "With my final breathe, I curse Zoidberg AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!". My head explodes in the vacuum of space and I die.

[hr]

"

WELCOME BACK!

" A familiar robotic voice says.
I open my eyes to see I am surrounded by Daleks...AGAIN!

 

[Knife-28]

"Space, the final frontier, these are the voyages of the starshi-" Unfortulently, the combined mass of The Mall is too much for the starship Enterprise and it is crushed underneath it.

 

[Ren3004]

It seems that we are both in the Sahara desert and in space, creating a time-space paradox. As a result, a wormhole appears and transports the mall back to our reality.