Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[Connor Lonske]

By the time Connor got close to the Dalcks, the ship was now completely in the Desert, life support functions failing, the air conditioning went off and the temperature rises to 105 F. Waffles not caring, she continued killing everything she came across, and was starting to run out of pray.

Meanwhile at the mall, Connor saw the Dalck about 100 feet away, with an army of none stop Knives robot clones coming to them, dieing and getting back up constantly.

Connor tries to remember these guys.

"Hey cool guy, good show-" And then SMASH! Connor with out teeth.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Connor screamed as he ran into the fray, bass guitar in hand, chiptune blasting, and with a Damage Resistance at 40 (thanks to Dalck enhancement and Connor's innate ability of nerd rage). He began his hunt.

Two to the left, smash smash. One with a crow bar, reversal, decapitation. One coming from behind, elbow, back hand. Three coming, Kick, punch, smash.

Eventual, he made it to the small Dalck squad, taking one hit too the for head (25 damage, all absorbed) and one to the ass (10 damage, absorbed)

"CONNOR HAS SAVED US!"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHhHhhhhhhhhh... Oh, did I kill them all?" Connor said, look around to find six layers of dead bodies all around them. "OK, where is everyone else?"

"THEY ARE AT THE ROOF, CALLING FOR A SECOND SHIP, THEY SHOULD BE DONE BY NO-" The Dalck was cut off by the sound of an even bigger Dalck ship, Six miles wide and even taller than it's width, entering the lower atmosphere directly above the mall, blocking out the windows on the roof. "WE MUST HURRY TO THE SHIP, IF WE ARE TOO LEAVE."

"You don't need to tell me twice! Let go!"

And they ran to the roof, slowly fighting though the waves of Knife robot clones. Eventaly, they made it to the roof, got into the "raisie-liftie beam" as Connor cried it was as the ran into to and made it one the ship, now safe, the ship entered the higher atmosphere to aviode contact with anyone on the mall as they planed for how to solve their current problems and for the General to link up with his higher commander. However, the battle at the mall still rages, down below.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I got insanely bored.
I sigh, jump, and was transported through the Fusion Core.
I land on the roof of the Mall and look up at the ascending Dalek ship.
"

Exterminate.

", I say quietly to myself. I point on finger to the ship and beam blasts out.

Meanwhile, on the Dalek ship
Alphonse looks around confused, "

BROTHER!?

"
The ship shook.
"

WARNING! LEFT ENGINE OUT!

", screamed a voice on the P.A.

Meanwhile, on the roof of the Mall
I smile, maliciously, "

May you die peacefully.

" I say.

Spoiler: OOC

Two things, mate. One: I am not nor have I ever been a girl. Two: Dalek is spelled with an E, not a C.

 

[Connor Lonske]

"DANGER! DANGER! PLEASE EVACUATE EMINENTLY, HIGH SECURITY PERSONAL PLEASE TAKE CONTROL ROOM ESCAPE POD TRANSPORTER!"

"Sir, what is the cause of this?"

"..."

"Cool guy?"

"WAFFLES..."

"What, but she was in another universe?!"

"IT'S A HE, YOU IDIOT! NOW YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP HE-I MEAN HIM!"

"But he kicked my ass several times before."

"DON'T YOU GET IT, YOU HAVE THE SAME POWERS AS HIM! YOU ARE HIS EQUAL NOW! NOW GO!"

"I-Oh yeah I do, don't I." An Explosion goes off near us

"GO!"

And with that Connor runs to the escape pod, forcing Alphonse and the others in the control room to stay and accept there faith, the pilots steering the ship away from the mall as Connor's Pod makes it out of the sky, racing past the speed of sound, with not even a very angry Dalek/Human Hybrid could stop before it reached the ground.

The Pod crashed right next to the other pod from before, at the entrance.

End quest, Kung-Fu Daleks, new quest, Homos sucks II.

*LEVEL UP*

All points in speech, now at 100.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I look down upon the second pod and Connor exiting from it.
"

Howdy.

", I say, as if I have planned this battle out 12 times already.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Connor looks up as she drop down. "Hey." We side step adjacent to each other. "[Speech 70]Look, I know I have been an asshole to you, and it's my fault the Daleks disrespect you, but you can still redeem yourself in their eyes. Don't tell me your unemotional now, you are emotional. Daleks, and humans may both be evil bastards, but I would lie if we didn't have a basic sense of feeling."

Waffles raises his hand, evenly pointing his palm at him. We continue strafing.

"[Speech 100]Look, I am sorry for calling you a girl that many times. It's partly because I didn't even know you were a Dalek/Human hybrid, but now that I am one I don't even know what I am anymore, all these feeling of hate and want for power are filling me, but despite being an asshole, I don't want that. That is why I hung out with your Daleks in the first place, cause they were cool, they love music, they were avid shoppers, because both of our peoples aren't just angry, violent, killing machines, like you, like me, like the Dalck, even those fools in the Mall fighting each for all eternity. I don't see the point of the fighting. I hope that you don't. But, however, in case you do, then I won't respawn if I die fighting you. Maybe this will just give you more purpose to kill me, but I hope you can listen to reason and stop this senseless violence, for both of our people"

 

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE GARAGE![/HEADING]

Ren: "RaN, take a look at this!"

After Ren and I have finished mopping the floor with the Knife cyborgs, the machines begin to retreat en masse. Ren points out a dark fusion portal that has opened near the other side of the mall.

RaNDM: "What do you think started that, Ren?"

Ren: "I dunno. I skipped Quantum Physics in Doctor School."

Looking at the crowd, I manage to spot the leader of the cyborgs veering away from the rest.

RaNDM: "There! Don't let him get away!"

We rush to cut the leader off at the portal entrance.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Before Waffles could make his response, space time was starting to bend around the ever expanding portal. Connor looked behind him, "OH SHIT!" He turns to the door to find Ren and RaN running to the entrance, with more Knive robot clones. "Aw, come on!"

With space time slowly bending, the Knives clones approaching, and Waffles mad as hell, it looked like the end for Connor, when suddenly Another escape pod crashes, and out comes Dalek 332-D-FB with a Boombox, playing this song.


And everyone, and the mall, is sucked in to the portal, into the Desert...

 

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=2]AT THE PORTAL![/HEADING]

Meanwhile, Ren and I reach the portal in time to see the leader appear. He stares at us oblivious to his fate.

Cyborg Knife: "Did I miss something?"

RaNDM: "You missed ME you fucker!"

I punch the cyborg through the abdomen, pulling out the glowing device in his stomach and crushing it in my hand. I then rev my chainsaw and hack him to pieces.

RaNDM: "That takes care of him."

As I look over the crowd, I see that most, but not all of the cyborgs are beginning to malfunction. Within seconds they explode, launching debris in every direction. A steel bar flies at my head and through one of my eyes.

I die.

[HEADING=2]IN THE DESERT![/HEADING]

I respawn in the desert facing the sun. Sister is standing over me. To my left I can see Knife lying on the floor, bound and unconscious.

Sister: "Holy shit. For a minute there I didn't think you would pull that off."

RaNDM: "So now it's just Bryghtside left? Where is he?"

I hear a voice from behind say, "Right here."

I look behind me and see Bryghtside sitting at a table, sipping tea and reading a newspaper.

RaNDM: "I don't understand."

Sister: "It's simple really. I needed you to gather the souls of three different heroes to open the portal permanently. Then my cyborg army can finally take over this dreadful planet for me. It was all Bryghtside's idea actually."

RaNDM: "So the story about the universe ending if there were more than one of you was a lie?"

Sister: "No, but I already solved that problem the moment I captured Knife. You were just insurance."

Sister walks over and pinches Knife on the cheek: "He's been a darling little hostage, and his body type was perfect for creating machine replicates."

RaNDM: "Well, it looks like you've still got a problem. You said you needed three souls to keep the portal open. I've only killed two."

Sister: "But you did bring three. Can you take a guess whose I want?"

RaNDM: "Aw shit."

Sister sticks her thumbs in my eye sockets, draining the blood from my head. I collapse.

[HEADING=2]BACK AT THE PORTAL![/HEADING]

I respawn next to Ren.

Ren: "What the Hell happened to you?"

RaNDM: "No time for details. You need to go through that portal and kill Sister."

Ren: "She's still alive!?"

RaNDM: "Yes, now GO! I'll hold them off."

Ren hesitates, then jumps through the portal. I stay behind and face the legion of cyborgs on my own.

As Ren jumps through, the entire universe of the mall is crushed by the sheer amount of dark matter used in generating the portal. Everyone respawns in the desert...

... Except for me.

 

[Knife-28]

[HEADING=2]Meanwhile, in the desert![/HEADING]

"Well, I guess those fools think they can defeat me in my own domain". Sister says, looking at the portal in the distance. "Looks like I'll have to get creative". Sister looks down at my body, and removes my bonds. Her form flickers for a few seconds, then vanishes and my eyes shoot open.

 

[Connor Lonske]

"D-FB? D-FB!? D-FB!!!" Connor yelled as he was digging in the dry sand. "Come on, play something!" In the distance he herd a song, and ran to it. There he found a lot of different little pieces of metal and a boom box playing 'The End of The World As We Know It'

Connor fell on his knees and yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" at the top of is lungs.

"Hey 'cool' guy."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-What?" Connor says as he turns around.

"[Black Widow]Oh, you don't know me, I am the girl who made all those cyborgs that you beat the crap out of."

"Ah, so, let me guess, you want revenge, right?"

"Oh, quite the contrary, I want to hire you."

"...Why should I join you?"

"[Speech 55]Well, your leader is dead, your best friend is dead, and their is a psychopath looking to kill you."

"Ah, how do you know all that?"

"Just cause, now, will you join me or not?"

"...Fine, just don't go shooting me in the back sister."

"I wouldn't dream of it." She said as she put her hand into his chest, giving Connor powers greater than he could imagine.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Connor awakes next to a table and some chairs with Sister sitting down, drink some tea, with a man in the distance walking too the source of the portal, the dark fusion reactor of the Dalck ship.

"Ugggggh. What happened?"

"Oh," sister told Connor, "You were knocked out by the awesome powers I gave you, so I snapped my little fingers, we got here, and I told one of my other henchmen to go solve the portal situation."

"Ah, so, portal, still open I see."

"Yeah, pretty nice of your ex-leader to create it for me unknowingly."

"Wait, you want it to stay open?!"

"[Black Widow]Well yes," she came closer to his and starts to walk around Connor as if she were seducing him, yet demonically in a way, "You have been in that portal, it destroys everything it touches. It's the best way to destroy your ex-universe. So, I'm am going to keep it open forever, and ever, and ever, and all you need to do is too kill of the remaining members of the mall's universe, and what few Daleks are left, and we will be able to create an entire new world. Doesn't that just sound great!"

"Yeah... I guess."

"...Goooooood. Now, your first order mission is to kill Waffles'N'Bacon, not saying he is a major threat compared to you anymore, I just thought it would be nice to get him out of the way, don't you."

"Consider it done."

---

Connor was walking though the desert, playing this song on his chiptune brainchip while searching for Waffles. He was hell bent, not only on vengeance, but on a an evil coursing though him that he could control, and a lust that was changing the face of his very soul. The more he walked in search of Waffles, the more hateful of Waffles he got, and the only thing he could think to say if he found him was "COME AT ME BRO!"

 

[Ren3004]

While I'm travelling through the portal, a thing suddenly comes out of nowhere and hits me, knocking me off course. Part of me exits the portal and the rest of me stays behind, causing the space-time continuum to bend around itself trying to keep him in it[footnote]Yes, I have put a lot of thought into this.[/footnote]. As I desperately try to keep myself from being killed in the middle of as dark matter portal, I see things that have been, things that are, and things that have yet to be...

 

[RaNDM G]

As I float through the ether of time and space, I begin to hallucinate.

"Dad, I'm in space."

"I am proud of you son."

"Dad, are you space?"

"Yes. Now we are a family again."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

As I begin to die from asphyxiation, a police booth flies at me. I am knocked away at terminal velocity into another universe.

An unknown planet appears in the distance...

 

[Knife-28]

I finaly give in, and slump to the ground in fustration.

"Sister, answer me this, where am I?"

"Well, isn't it obvious?" She relpies, "We're in your mind."

"Wait, how does that even make sense?!"

"Well you see, being a ghost, there's a few things I've never tryed, namely, possesion."

"So, what your saying is, you've possesed my body, and trapped me in my mind?"

"Not you per-say, I've trapped your soul, and left your body an empty husk, perfict for me to move right in."

"Your mad, you know that?"

"Oh, of course, it wouldn't be any fun otherwise!"

 

[Ren3004]

The space-time continuum around me grows increasingly unstable, and I am thrown into a time loop, passing through previous moments of my life.

"Okay, only one way to get rid of this..."

As I pass through a lightsabre battle between me and Bryghtside, I reach out of the timestream and touch myself[footnote]*Giggle*[/footnote].

 

[Connor Lonske]

Unable to find Waffles after an hour, still just as determined, more so even. I look back at the portal, and I find it has increased by about 10 miles in in circumference. "Meh" I said as I kept searching for Waffles, unsuspecting of the 15 mile high Dalek ship coming out of the portal just as I looked away.

---

"COME IN, CONNOR."

Silence.

"REPEAT, COME IN CONNOR."

Silence.

"IS ANYONE THERE?"

"AFFIRMATIVE, THIS IS DALEK 332-D-FB, CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?"

"YES, THIS IS THE GENERAL, WERE IS CONNOR."

"I DON'T KNOW, WE ALL FELL INTO THE PORTAL AS I TRIED TO INFORM HIM OF THE SURVIBAL OF THE SHIP, ARE REPAIRS COMPLETE?"

"YES, WE ENTERED THE PORTAL JUST NOW, BUT MANY SYSTEMS ARE OFFLINE. I HAVE A MISSION FOR YOU, FIND CONNOR.

"AFFIRMATIVE, I WILL BEGIN SEARCH IMMEDIATELY!"

"END TRANSMISSION"

---

"ATTENTION CREW, WE ARE TO ASCEND TO A HIGH ALTITUDE UNTIL WORD THAT CONNOR HAS BEEN LOCATED, THEN WE WILL DEFEAT SISTER AND GO BACK TO STATION. ALPHONSE OUT."

The ship than entered the stratosphere, waiting for the go code from Connor or Dalek 332-D-FB.

---

"Weeeeeelll, look what we got here," Said the part of Sister that was located in the desert as she saw the ascending Dalek ship, viewable for miles, "Lets see how loyal Connor really is."

 

[Ren3004]

Touching myself[footnote]*Giggle*[/footnote], I create a time paradox. Everyone, everywhere is back at the mall, except there is no gravity.

 

[RaNDM G]

As I breach the planet's atmosphere, I begin to convulse heavily. A part of my soul splits away from my body and returns to the Mall universe. The other half remains.

My soul is split between two dimensions, creating two separate RaNDMs.

[HEADING=1]MEANWHILE, AT THE MALL![/HEADING]

I respawn in the park next to my Justin Bieber corpse, and waste no time in grabbing my handgun and flashlight. I watch as Ren and Sister battle in a zero-gravity lightsaber duel only a few feet away.

"I'm getting the sickest sense of déjà vu."

An empty golf cart flies toward me at full speed.

"OH SHIT!"

I roll out of the way as it crashes into Sister. Ren floats away back into the Mall.

[HEADING=1]IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE![/HEADING]

I land in the middle of one of the planet's oceans. The impact of the landing knocks me unconscious as the current carries me away.

 

[Ren3004]

I move around the gravity-less mall like I'm swimming and grab a handrail. Pulling myself up, I go in the rocket launcher store.

 

[Knife-28]

There is blackness, only broken by the screen, showing Sister, using my body, attacking Tox.