Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE![/HEADING]

I awaken at night in the middle of a storm. Lightning flashes across the sky, illuminating the water's surface. There is an island in the distance. I swim as far as I can to the shore, but a wave crashes over me. I lose consciousness.


[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]

I watch as some guy I've never seen or heard of flies around the mall riding a unicorn. I don't have much to say about that actually.

As I maneuver around the mall, I spot Knife kicking the ass of some other guy I've never seen or heard of. I run over to see if I can resolve the situation.

Knife: "Oh hello, RaNDM!"

Knife speaks to me, but not in his voice. It doesn't take long for me to know who I'm really talking to.

RaNDM: "Hello Sister. Looks like Ren really threw a wrench in your plans, didn't he?"

Sister: *sigh* "So it would seem. But I still have a few tricks up my sleeve."

Sister now speaks to Tox: "It's been fun. See you around."

She teleports away.

 

[RaNDM G]

[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]

Tox: "Could somebody please explain to me what the flying f*ck is going on?!"

RaNDM: "I'm guessing you have been here before but just haven't respawned in a while. To make a long story short:

- Bryghtside has been working with Sister to take over the world.

- Ren and I managed to kill Sister by sucking the entire mall into the vacuum of space using a Portal gun.

- A paradox occured in which two malls spawned, one in its original spot and one in the middle of the Sahara desert.

- The former mall was quickly invaded and destroyed by an army of Daleks led by Waffles. I haven't seen him in a while actually.

- Some guy called Connor showed up, but I don't have a clue what he's up to.

- Sister and Bryghtside made the Sahara mall their base of operations and tricked me into gathering three souls to open a permanent portal between both malls.

- Sister kidnapped Knife, creating an evil cybernetic army of pony clones which she planned to take over the world with.

- Ren created another time paradox, sending us all back to before everything I described actually happened.

"So technically, you didn't really miss much."

[HEADING=1]IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE![/HEADING]

I awaken washed up on the shore. As I open my eyes, I am immediately blinded by the planet's star.

"Where the Hell am I?"

I take a good look at my surroundings. I've landed on a seemingly deserted temperate island. The storm has already passed.

After finding the mouth of a river, I follow it into the forest in search of freshwater and civilization. After a day's walk, I fall asleep by the river's edge

[HEADING=1]AT THE LLAM![/HEADING]

As Selffaw and MDNaR continue to follow the Dalek, Selffaw realizes something.

Selffaw: "Where is everyone? I haven't seen Xotnitram in a while."

NaR: "Who?"

Sellfaw: "Xotnitram."

NaR: "... Doesn't ring a bell."

Selffaw: "You don't know who Xotnitram is?"

NaR: "Dude, I just showed up fifteen minutes ago. I don't know who the Hell anyone is!"

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I respawn back in the Mall, feet on the ceiling, "

Well this won't do...

", I say in oddly calm voice as if...As if I've seen Hell tenfold and now nothing can strike fear into me or surprise me.
Without pondering my calmness, I walk on the ceiling in search of the gravity control.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Connor sees the mall, still in intact from the fall though the portal, and goes to it in search of Waffles as the Dalek ship stays stationary over the portal 10 miles behind me, 50 miles above it.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I enter a small maintenance room, "

Mops, Drano, plungers...

", I say as I search for the gravity switch, "

Here it is.

" I flip the switch and land safely on the ground.
"

Step two...

", I look at my clothes ripped and tattered from a several impromptu dimensional flings, "

New duds.

", I walk to the nearest clothe store whisting a cheery song.

 

[Connor Lonske]

As I enter the mall, I play a different song on my chiptune player directly into my brain, with out anyone hearing it.


I sneak, now with sisters ghost powers, I am untraceable by anyone unless they actually saw me in the edge of the mall in the dark. With the sun setting out in the darkening desert outside, I make my way to the clothing store in search of Waffles, looking though the widow. Nothing. As I get closer to the opened door, I hear a happy whistle inside.


I go inside, sneaking all the way, I hear the whistle in the male changing room. I get close to the door, and as the whistle reaches it's climax, I raise my hand to the door and calmly say "Exterminate."

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I hit giant with the

EXTERMINATION

Ver. WNB, "

Next time,

", I say, putting on the black suit jacket, matching my black suit pants and red dress shirt, "

When you approach your prey, be silent.

" I leave whistling a tune. I wave to Tox and Xot, "

Salutations, you two! Long time no see!

"

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I watch as Tox spazzes out, "

I should help...

". But I don't.

 

[RaNDM G]

[Medicine 100] RaNDM used Buffout on Martintox.

It's super effective! Martintox gains +1 Strength, +1 Endurance.

 

[Connor Lonske]

Connor awakes to the sound of sister's voice.

"Connor, if you don't talk I'll have to find you myself."

"Uggggggh, hello?" Connor opens his eyes to find that he is lying in the desert outside the mall, with a hole in the wall going as fall back as the clothing store, sister nowhere in sight.

"Oh, good. Did you defeat Waffles yet?"

"No, but I know his location."

"Good, were is he?"

"In the mall, about 10 miles away from the portal."

"That far, well, can you see the portal."

"I am just about to," Connor says walks to the side of the mall, "I am the-Dear god!"

"Ah, you just noticed."

Connor is amazed at the resistance of the Daleks. "But how?"

"I am not sure, I want you to find out. I am enabling your Dalek radio, you are to inform them of your location, tell them that everyone on the ground is dead, get on the ship, and destroy it."

"Destroy it?!"

"Don't you remember, you work for me now, you don't want to know what will happen if you change your mind about that."

"But-"

"No buts, just do this, you will like the reward."

"...OK."

"Good, now, I am enabling your radio, have fun."

Damn, I don't know what to god damn do. Connor though. He pressed the button for the radio, and said "Hello, this is Connor, can any Daleks hear me?"

"COOL GUY, YOUR AL-" The message was interrupted with sister's voice. "Oh, sorry, new plan, walk to the ship and fire another extermination ray at it, that should be good enough for now."

"COOL GUY, I FOUND YOU LOCATION, I'M COMING!" said D-FB on the radio.

"Connor, ignore that voice, it's a trick, from Waffles!"

"Wh-What! D-FB," Connor exclaimed, "Your Alive!"

Sister, having none of that, used her powers over Connor body to destroy the speaker on his chest.

"OW, what the hell!"

"Connor, Waffles knows your still alive, you have to get back here, now!"

"What!? But D-FB is still alive!"

"That is just a trick, now get back here."

"Fine, but if he is alive, I will kill you myself!"

"Ha, don't ever joke like that. Now get over here."

"Fine..."

And with that, Connor made his way back to the area under the portal.

 

[Knife-28]

Sister, still in my body, rubs my temples, before reaching back on knocking on my head. "Minions are such a hassle, aren't they Knifey old pal?" There's silence for a few moments before Sister pipes in again, "Oh, that's right, you can't answer!" She laughs at her own little joke, before walking over to a strange looking device, and, after pressing a few buttons, disappers in a flash of light, only to reappear behing Tox and Waffles. "Well, hello again boys, long time, no see".

 

[Ren3004]

As Waffles turns on the gravity controls, I grab a pipe in the ceiling. After a few minutes, I can't hold on any longer. I fall down right in front of Waffles, Martin, Xot and RaN.

 

[RaNDM G]

"Hi Ren! Didn't expect you to... drop in."

 

[Ren3004]

I get up. "Hey guys. Wanna go catch a movie?"

 

[RaNDM G]

"Sure, I think Hangover II is playing right now."

 

[Ren3004]

"Oh, cool. Hangover seems fine, though I'd also like to see Pirates of the Caribbean and X-Men First Class."

 

[Ren3004]

"But isn't this a magic place?"

 

[Ren3004]

"- lollipop." said Futox.
"Well, that's reassuring."

 

[Ren3004]

"Well, they're goners..." I say, having wisely stayed behind. I then close the portal by shooting a rocket at it.

 

[Ren3004]

I go to the cinema and watch Hungover Pirate Class.