Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[WafflesandBacon]

"

Hello~?

", I say in a sing-song voice, "

Knife~? Sister~?

" I then catches Ren's punch, "

Too slow.

"

 

[RaNDM G]

I walk towards Ren as Waffles catches his punch. Ren takes another swing, but Waffles evades and teleports away. Ren is left swinging in the air.

"Ow!"

Ren just punched me in the face.

"That's it. You're dead now!"

[Unarmed 70] I strike Ren in his right clavicle with a Paralyzing Palm. He falls to the floor paralyzed and with a broken shoulder.

I grab a guitar and proceed to break as many bones in his body as I can.

 

[Ren3004]

"Ah! That's exactly what I wanted!"
My bones release toxic fumes in the air and kill RaN.

 

[RaNDM G]

"How can you speak when you're completely paralyzed?"

Regardless of reason, I suffocate and die.

I awaken inside a nearby store and watch as Ren painfully dies from inhaling his own toxic fumes. The fumes begin to filter through the entire mall.

"This isn't looking good."

I grab a nearby gas mask and put it on. I grab three more in case anyone else needs them.

I then walk out of the store, grab my guitar, and walk back to the Mall's PA system. I play this song over the intercom:

 

[Ren3004]

I respawn in the WWII store and put on a gas mask. I then get in a Panzer and go out of the store and start blasting things.

 

[RaNDM G]

Within minutes, the Macy's section of the mall has been leveled.

"Oh well. I never liked that store anyway."

Ren approaches a record store next.

"Aw HELL Naw!"

I step into the Security Room's armory and grab a missile launcher. Thunderstruck is still playing in the background.


[HEADING=1]IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE![/HEADING]

After ten seconds of continuous screaming, I stop to catch my breath. I have failed to notice that my screaming has disturbed the pegasus, who is now hiding and quivering in fear behind a tree.

The one with the hat scolds me: "Well, I hope you're proud of yourself. You've gone and scared poor Fluttershy!"

RaNDM: "Fluttershy?"

I take a good look at the two fillies and watch as the pony tries to comfort the pegasus.

Cowgirl pony: "There, there Fluttershy. I'm sure he didn't mean to scare you."

I walk over to the pegasus.

RaNDM: "Your name is Fluttershy? I'm sorry for screaming and scaring you like that. You gave me quite the scare yourself."

Fluttershy, sniffling her nose: "Oh, I'm sorry for that."

RaNDM: "That's okay. I'm sure you didn't mean it."

I turn to the other pony, "That makes you Applejack then?"

Applejack: "How do you know my name? I've never met you, and you're obviously not from around these parts."

RaNDM: "Where I'm from, the two of you are quite popular. Can you tell me where this place is?"

Applejack: "Well if you know us, then you should know where you are. We're in the Everfree Forest... In the land of Equestria?"

RaNDM, muttering: "Damn. I must have traveled a long way. How am I going to get back home?"

[HEADING=1]AT THE LLAM![/HEADING]

Bored out of his mind, NaR tells Sellfaw a joke.

"So Jim walks into a bar at night with his Collie, wearing a pair of sunglasses. The bartender immediately barks at him.

Bartender: 'Hey, can't you read the sign? No dogs allowed!'

Jim quickly thinks of a good excuse.

Jim: 'I'm sorry, I just had surgery and my eyes haven't adjusted yet. This is my seeing eye dog. If you want, I can just go.'

Bartender: 'Oh, I didn't know you were blind. What'll you have?'

Jim: 'I'll take a pint of Noble Pils.'

Jim thanks the bartender and takes his lager outside. Ten minutes later he sees another man with sunglasses walk up to the bar with a dog.

Jim: 'Hey buddy, the bartender is a little uptight letting dogs in. You should tell him it's your seeing eye dog.'

The man thanks Jim and walks inside with his dog. The bartender immediately barks at him.

Bartender: 'Hey, can't you read the sign? No dogs allowed!'

Man: 'I'm sorry, I'm blind. This is my seeing eye dog.'

The bartender takes a good look at the dog.

Bartender: 'Naw, I don't think they use Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs.'

'THEY GAVE ME A FUCKING CHIHUAHUA!', the blind man replies."

[HEADING=3]/joke[/HEADING]

Selffaw thinks to himself for a few seconds before telling NaR what he thinks.

Selffaw: "I don't get it."

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I ascend to my near omnipotent Food Fort and watch the fireworks.

 

[Ren3004]

Fooling RaN, I had left the tank on autopilot and left it. I sneak up behind him and point the tank's machine gun to his neck.

"Thunderstrike THIS!" I say before I kill him.

 

[Knife-28]

Sister, still in my body, watches Ren and RaNDM fight. "Ah, decisions decisions, do I break up Rens little tusslea, then kill him, or do I just watch, and kill him later anyway." Before she can decide, however, she senses someone behind her. She turns around, only to face someone, who looks like a female version of myself.
"My my, who is this?" Sister asks, bemused.
"My names Saber, now, I'm going to ask once." Saber pauses, and draws her, well, sabers. "Step away from the idiot."

 

[Ren3004]

As RaN's body falls to the ground, I see Knife being threatened by a girl.

"Well, ain't this spiffy?" I think to myself.

I then shoot Knife.

 

[Knife-28]

Sister ignores the shot, and replies to Saber, "I'm sorry darling, but this 'Idiot' is still quite useful to me." With that, Sister draws her chainsaw, and stikes.

 

[Ren3004]

"Well, fuck..."

I pick up RaN's rocket launcher and aim it at Knife. I fire.

 

[Knife-28]

"Damn it Ren!" Saber yells, looking at the smoking crater that my body occupied a few moments ago, "What the hell was that!"

 

[Ren3004]

"Okay, who the hell are you, how do you know my name, and why are you threatening Knife?"

 

[Knife-28]

"I'm Saber, don't you remember me?" When she see's Ren wearing a look of confusion, she sighs. "You know, the Land Subs?"
"Nope"
"Zorfgvuk?"
"Nada"
"The first crossover to the Llam?"

 

[WafflesandBacon]

I take up a Turkey leg from my fort and start nomming.

 

[Ren3004]

"I was out at the time..."

 

[RaNDM G]

I respawn in the tank.

RaNDM: "Fuck yeah!"

Not wanting to destroy the nearby record store, I hop into a machine gun turret.

RaNDM: "Hey Ren!"

Ren: "Aww, fuck."

I cut Ren down into tiny pieces with a burst of 7.92 mm. I then notice Tox and some chick who looks vaguely similar to Knife.

RaNDM: "Hey guys. Did I miss something?"

I hop down, grab my missile launcher and walk to them.

"Here," I say as I hand them the gas masks I've been saving.

Saber: "What are these for?"

RaNDM: "In case Ren starts spewing toxic gas again."

I then draw my handgun and destroy Ren's tank with it. Kind of like this:

[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]

After helping Fluttershy onto her feet, Applejack speaks to me.

AJ: "Y'know, the guards of the forest don't take kindly to strangers. Y'all best come with us back to Ponyville."

RaNDM: "That seems like a good idea." I watch Fluttershy fly off and ask AJ if she'll be okay.

AJ: "She's tough. She's been through worse."

AJ leads us back to a trail.

AJ: "Y'know, you never told us what your name was."

RaNDM: "It's RaNDM."

AJ: "R-r-ran-dumb?"

Ugh, it's going to be a long day.

 

[Knife-28]

"Yea, Hi To-" Sabre stops, and turns to Tox, "Wait, you said 'Hi Knife', why?"
"Because it would have been rude if he didn't." Sister says, impailing Tox with a chainsaw.

 

[Ren3004]

I respawn over Sister and drop down, pinning her to the floor. I jam a knife between her ribs.