Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)
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John Raymond Knister (27 May 1899 - 29 Aug 1932) was a Canadian poet, novelist, story writer, columnist, and reviewer, "known primarily for his realistic narratives set in rural Canada.... Knister was a highly respected member of the Canadian literary community during the 1920s and early 1930s, and recent criticism has acknowledged him as a pioneer in establishing a distinctively modern voice in Canadian literature.
Thank you, Wikipedia.
Thank you, Wikipedia.
As Ren jabs a knife into Knife's popliteal artery, I notice a small blinking light.
RaNDM: "Keep him pinned down. I want to check something."
[Medicine 100] I reach my hand into the wound. Feeling around I manage to get a hold on what feels like a small device.
Knister, screaming: "NO, DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
I grab Ren's knife and cut it out.
RaNDM: "A transmitter?"
RaNDM: "Alright. Let me see if I can track the receiver and..."
*click*
"Well that was easy. This way."
The group travels below the Mall's service tunnels following the signal's source.
[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]
After an hour's walk, Applejack has led me back to Ponyville. Walking through the town I receive plenty of curious and fearful stares from the pony citizens.
RaNDM: "What's wrong with everyone? Haven't they seen a human before?"
AJ: "Obviously not. Hurry along now, we're almost at the library. I have some friends there who might be able to help you more than I can."
We arrive at the library's doorstep.
AJ: "I'm sure Twilight must know something about people like you. She does spend most of her time reading those books of hers."
RaNDM: "Only one way to find out."
AJ walks in first.
AJ: "Hi, y'all."
I hear Twilight's voice from inside.
Twilight: "Hello Applejack! I didn't expect you to stop by today."
AJ: "Well, I seem to have gotten myself caught up in a complicated situation."
Twilight: "I'd love to help! What's wrong?"
I step inside and address the unicorn.
RaNDM: "Hello, are you Twilight Sparkle?"
Twilight responds the way any normal pony would when addressed by an unknown talking animal for the first time. By screaming.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
*click*
"Well that was easy. This way."
The group travels below the Mall's service tunnels following the signal's source.
[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]
After an hour's walk, Applejack has led me back to Ponyville. Walking through the town I receive plenty of curious and fearful stares from the pony citizens.
RaNDM: "What's wrong with everyone? Haven't they seen a human before?"
AJ: "Obviously not. Hurry along now, we're almost at the library. I have some friends there who might be able to help you more than I can."
We arrive at the library's doorstep.
AJ: "I'm sure Twilight must know something about people like you. She does spend most of her time reading those books of hers."
RaNDM: "Only one way to find out."
AJ walks in first.
AJ: "Hi, y'all."
I hear Twilight's voice from inside.
Twilight: "Hello Applejack! I didn't expect you to stop by today."
AJ: "Well, I seem to have gotten myself caught up in a complicated situation."
Twilight: "I'd love to help! What's wrong?"
I step inside and address the unicorn.
RaNDM: "Hello, are you Twilight Sparkle?"
Twilight responds the way any normal pony would when addressed by an unknown talking animal for the first time. By screaming.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
In the darkness, it waits, waits for the group of creatures to stray into it's lair, so that it may feed.
[HEADING=1]In Equestria![/HEADING]
The door of the libary opens, and a light grey coloured colt comes in. "Say Twilight, did that copy of 'Myths And Mys..ter...ys" Computer Jack stops as he sees RaNDM. "Oh. My. God."
[HEADING=1]In Equestria![/HEADING]
The door of the libary opens, and a light grey coloured colt comes in. "Say Twilight, did that copy of 'Myths And Mys..ter...ys" Computer Jack stops as he sees RaNDM. "Oh. My. God."
See, I can run with the Equestria subplot too! I even have a pony, see?
Yes, that is Computer Jack, and yes, that was the best name I could come up with.
Yes, that is Computer Jack, and yes, that was the best name I could come up with.
[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]
Applejack quickly nudges Computer Jack outside.
AJ: "I'm sorry sugarcube, but I'm afraid this is something we have to keep quiet for now."
CJ: "No kidding. I'll just come back later..."
After CJ leaves, AJ shuts and locks the door.
AJ: "It's bad enough half of Ponyville knows you're here. The last thing we need is someone like him spreading the news to Canterlot."
RaNDM: "That's why we need to make this quick. Twilight, is there any magic you know that can take me back where I came from?"
Twilight: "I can try, but my helper Spike has been out for a while. It'll take some time for me to find the right spell amongst all these books."
RaNDM: "You can't just look under 'T' for teleport?"
Twilight: "Fine, be a smart alec. See if that helps!"
Yep, it's going to be a long day.
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
Sounds of scurrying are heard as we travel through the service tunnels.
Saber: "You guys get the feeling that we're being watched?"
Ren: "No, the only things down here are us and a couple of mice."
RaNDM: *gulp* "M-m-mice?"
Waffles: "Don't tell me you're afraid of a few rodents."
RaNDM: "No. But I am afraid of catching rabies."
Waffles: "Oh, here we go."
Applejack quickly nudges Computer Jack outside.
AJ: "I'm sorry sugarcube, but I'm afraid this is something we have to keep quiet for now."
CJ: "No kidding. I'll just come back later..."
After CJ leaves, AJ shuts and locks the door.
AJ: "It's bad enough half of Ponyville knows you're here. The last thing we need is someone like him spreading the news to Canterlot."
RaNDM: "That's why we need to make this quick. Twilight, is there any magic you know that can take me back where I came from?"
Twilight: "I can try, but my helper Spike has been out for a while. It'll take some time for me to find the right spell amongst all these books."
RaNDM: "You can't just look under 'T' for teleport?"
Twilight: "Fine, be a smart alec. See if that helps!"
Yep, it's going to be a long day.
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
Sounds of scurrying are heard as we travel through the service tunnels.
Saber: "You guys get the feeling that we're being watched?"
Ren: "No, the only things down here are us and a couple of mice."
RaNDM: *gulp* "M-m-mice?"
Waffles: "Don't tell me you're afraid of a few rodents."
RaNDM: "No. But I am afraid of catching rabies."
Waffles: "Oh, here we go."
"Oh please, given what's happened to this mall, mice are the least of our problems."
[HEADING=1]In Equestria[/HEADING]
'Oh my god.'Computer Jack thinks, before regaining his composure and speeding off towards his house, 'A Human, a real, breathing, Human!' Jack bairly slows down as he crashes through his front door. "Ah, where is it, where is it...." He mumbles to himself, searching through the bookcase dominating one wall. "Ah, here it is!" He says, picking off a large, heavy tomb. He sets it on the the table and blows the dust off the cover, revaling the title Creatures and Caverns, Third Edition.
[HEADING=1]In Equestria[/HEADING]
'Oh my god.'Computer Jack thinks, before regaining his composure and speeding off towards his house, 'A Human, a real, breathing, Human!' Jack bairly slows down as he crashes through his front door. "Ah, where is it, where is it...." He mumbles to himself, searching through the bookcase dominating one wall. "Ah, here it is!" He says, picking off a large, heavy tomb. He sets it on the the table and blows the dust off the cover, revaling the title Creatures and Caverns, Third Edition.
Ok, just, see where I'm going with this, ok?
[HEADING=1]BACK AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
RaNDM: "Oh really? Then explain THAT!"
I point at a group of several monstrosities that appear to look like insane, zombified versions of Mickey Mouse. Each of them wield bladed weapons and each of them know of our position.
They begin to slowly walk towards us, laughing that annoying laugh.
RaNDM: "Shit, what do we do!?"
Ren: "Get a hold of yourself, RaN! They're just rats. Grab that MG42 and lay down suppressive fire."
Ren and I set up our weapons and lay down a field of fire. Within two minutes, the rodents are dead on the ground.
Saber: "Glad that's taken care of... OH SHIT!"
Saber turns around and sees a massive horde of Mickey Mice poised to attack. She is immediately swarmed by the horde.
RaNDM: "That's it! I'm getting out of here!"
I rush down the tunnel, following the signal.
RaNDM: "Oh really? Then explain THAT!"
I point at a group of several monstrosities that appear to look like insane, zombified versions of Mickey Mouse. Each of them wield bladed weapons and each of them know of our position.
They begin to slowly walk towards us, laughing that annoying laugh.
RaNDM: "Shit, what do we do!?"
Ren: "Get a hold of yourself, RaN! They're just rats. Grab that MG42 and lay down suppressive fire."
Ren and I set up our weapons and lay down a field of fire. Within two minutes, the rodents are dead on the ground.
Saber: "Glad that's taken care of... OH SHIT!"
Saber turns around and sees a massive horde of Mickey Mice poised to attack. She is immediately swarmed by the horde.
RaNDM: "That's it! I'm getting out of here!"
I rush down the tunnel, following the signal.
I then slowly stop running, "Wait...Why am I running?
" Multiple
beams converge on numerous Mickey Mice, skillfully missing Saber, none live.
I run toward Saber, "
"
Code:
I'm part Dalek!
Code:
EXTERMINATIONI run toward Saber, "
Code:
You ok?After being separated from Waffles and Ren, I find myself on a catwalk over the Mall's sewer. I check the transmitter's radio frequency. The signal seems to be coming from just a few feet in front of me.
I hop down onto a platform to find Tox, playing Left 4 Dead on a laptop. Beside him on a desk is a PC with an improvised antenna box on the back. If I'm right, I can knock out Sister's connection to Knife by jamming this signal.
I hack into the computer's mainframe in an attempt to access the antenna's maintenance files, but I am quickly interrupted by a video of Sister which appears in full screen.
Sister: "Hello there. If you're watching this, then you probably know that I've possessed one of your friends using a wireless signal. If that is the case, then my plan has been compromised."
"However, that doesn't mean I have left this system unprotected without a contingency plan. If you look behind the system, you will notice a fragmentation grenade which will detonate the moment anyone attempts to leave the platform you are situated on. When it goes off, the antenna will be destroyed and your friend's body will stay under my control forever."
"Of course, I am willing to give you a fair shot at survival. To deactivate the signal and save your friend, all you have to do is run the program that appears on the screen once this video ends. Once you reach the end of this "game", you will be allowed to command a full system shut down. Good luck. You're going to need it."
The video cuts out. A new window appears on the screen, showing a single file. The description reads Luna Game.avi.
RaN: "Well, this can't be too bad."
[HEADING=2]TWO MINUTES LATER![/HEADING]
After surviving that catastrophe, the screen cuts to a new window showing a single file.
luna 2.avi
[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]
Twilight finds the book she's been looking for.
Twilight: "Well, I'm sure the spell you need is in here somewhere. Ah, trans-dimensional teleportation. Just give me a minute to concentrate."
Applejack, to me: "You've only been here for a few hours, but I feel like I'm going to miss you Sugarcube."
RaNDM: "I'd love to stay longer, but I'm sure my friends back home need me."
Twilight, to me: "Are you ready to go?"
RaNDM: "I'm ready."
Twilight reads the incantation from the book. I see the library begin to fade away, phasing into what appears to be a city.
I take a look around. The city is in ruins, with entire buildings collapsed. The thunder of guns can be heard from a distance.
Suddenly, I hear what sounds like a chainsaw revving behind me. I turn around in time to catch a Locust trying to bury his Lancer bayonet into my chest. I am able to hold him off for a few seconds, but the environment we are in begins to phase back into the library. I hear Twilight and AJ shouting in the background.
Twilight: "Oh no! I don't have enough power for the spell to work!"
AJ: "What does that mean?"
Twilight: "Either he was sent to the wrong dimension or... OH NO!"
I reappear in the library with the Locust, both of us disoriented and on the ground. As the Locust is distracted by the change in scenery, he notices my pony friends. He revs his chainsaw and quickly moves to kill them. I manage to throw myself in front of him in time, blood spraying from my chest as the Locust's chainsaw scrapes against my rib cage. I grab the pistol in the Locust's holster and drill a bullet through his head, killing him. I then collapse on the floor in agony.
AJ: "What in Sam Hill is going on!?"
Twilight: "I dunno, but we need to get him to a hospital right now!"
Just then, Rainbow Dash enters through the window.
Dash: "Hey guys, I just wanted to stop by and say-"
Twilight: "We can't talk now, Rainbow Dash! We need a doctor!"
Dash takes a look at my soon to be dead body and quickly rushes out into town. As I begin to lose consciousness, I hear Applejack's voice.
"Don't worry. You're going to be okay..."
I blackout.
I hop down onto a platform to find Tox, playing Left 4 Dead on a laptop. Beside him on a desk is a PC with an improvised antenna box on the back. If I'm right, I can knock out Sister's connection to Knife by jamming this signal.
I hack into the computer's mainframe in an attempt to access the antenna's maintenance files, but I am quickly interrupted by a video of Sister which appears in full screen.
Sister: "Hello there. If you're watching this, then you probably know that I've possessed one of your friends using a wireless signal. If that is the case, then my plan has been compromised."
"However, that doesn't mean I have left this system unprotected without a contingency plan. If you look behind the system, you will notice a fragmentation grenade which will detonate the moment anyone attempts to leave the platform you are situated on. When it goes off, the antenna will be destroyed and your friend's body will stay under my control forever."
"Of course, I am willing to give you a fair shot at survival. To deactivate the signal and save your friend, all you have to do is run the program that appears on the screen once this video ends. Once you reach the end of this "game", you will be allowed to command a full system shut down. Good luck. You're going to need it."
The video cuts out. A new window appears on the screen, showing a single file. The description reads Luna Game.avi.
RaN: "Well, this can't be too bad."
[HEADING=2]TWO MINUTES LATER![/HEADING]
After surviving that catastrophe, the screen cuts to a new window showing a single file.
luna 2.avi
[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]
Twilight finds the book she's been looking for.
Twilight: "Well, I'm sure the spell you need is in here somewhere. Ah, trans-dimensional teleportation. Just give me a minute to concentrate."
Applejack, to me: "You've only been here for a few hours, but I feel like I'm going to miss you Sugarcube."
RaNDM: "I'd love to stay longer, but I'm sure my friends back home need me."
Twilight, to me: "Are you ready to go?"
RaNDM: "I'm ready."
Twilight reads the incantation from the book. I see the library begin to fade away, phasing into what appears to be a city.
I take a look around. The city is in ruins, with entire buildings collapsed. The thunder of guns can be heard from a distance.
Suddenly, I hear what sounds like a chainsaw revving behind me. I turn around in time to catch a Locust trying to bury his Lancer bayonet into my chest. I am able to hold him off for a few seconds, but the environment we are in begins to phase back into the library. I hear Twilight and AJ shouting in the background.
Twilight: "Oh no! I don't have enough power for the spell to work!"
AJ: "What does that mean?"
Twilight: "Either he was sent to the wrong dimension or... OH NO!"
I reappear in the library with the Locust, both of us disoriented and on the ground. As the Locust is distracted by the change in scenery, he notices my pony friends. He revs his chainsaw and quickly moves to kill them. I manage to throw myself in front of him in time, blood spraying from my chest as the Locust's chainsaw scrapes against my rib cage. I grab the pistol in the Locust's holster and drill a bullet through his head, killing him. I then collapse on the floor in agony.
AJ: "What in Sam Hill is going on!?"
Twilight: "I dunno, but we need to get him to a hospital right now!"
Just then, Rainbow Dash enters through the window.
Dash: "Hey guys, I just wanted to stop by and say-"
Twilight: "We can't talk now, Rainbow Dash! We need a doctor!"
Dash takes a look at my soon to be dead body and quickly rushes out into town. As I begin to lose consciousness, I hear Applejack's voice.
"Don't worry. You're going to be okay..."
I blackout.
"Guys?" I say, the sewers echoing me, "Anyone?!"
Silence.
I play some music and pretend I'm in an 8-Bit Turn-based RPG.
Shit is awesome now.
Silence.
I play some music and pretend I'm in an 8-Bit Turn-based RPG.
Shit is awesome now.
Player WAFFLES walks in on TOX and RAN.
"Guys...What're you doing?" I ask concerned.
Code:
[i]What should I say...?[/i]
Code:
"Hey guys! What's up?"
>"Guys...What're you doing?"
"Ok, what the hell are you fucktards doing?"
Ignore them and turn back.A fantastic idea comes to mind.
RaN: "Hi Waffles. I'm having a tough time getting past this level. You want to try?"
Waffles: "Sure. What game is it?"
RaN: "It's not that mainstream, I'm sure you've never heard of it. It's called Luna 2."
Waffles: "I WANNA PLAY!"
Waffles knocks me off my chair and starts to play Luna 2.
RaN: "Hi Waffles. I'm having a tough time getting past this level. You want to try?"
Waffles: "Sure. What game is it?"
RaN: "It's not that mainstream, I'm sure you've never heard of it. It's called Luna 2."
Waffles: "I WANNA PLAY!"
Waffles knocks me off my chair and starts to play Luna 2.