Mall Fight!

[Ren3004]

I take one of the golf clubs out of my skull and start making my way towards the center of the mall. Apparently running around with a hole in your head isn't a very good idea and I fall dead on the floor.

 

[LordGarbageMan]

Meanwhile I am in the toys section playing with a jarjarbinks doll.

 

[Ren3004]

I respawn inside the toy shop, pick up a lightsaber toy, and knock the Jar-Jar Binks doll out of your hand.

"BLASPHEMER!"

 

[LordGarbageMan]

I start crying and run to the bathroom, where I am instantly fried by the electric current.

 

[Ren3004]

"But... but... I just wanted to play..."

I go to the gas station, cover the toy lightsaber in gasoline, and set it on fire with my trusty lighter.

Going back to the central corridor, I find sam guarding the LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM. We start fighting, lightsaber vs golf club.

 

[Ren3004]

The fight is getting more and more spectacular... I jump over his head, knock the golf club out of his hand and he kicks my hand, disarming me.

I put my hand up, saying "Now, you will feel the full power of the dark side", and discover that I cannot actually cast Force Lightning.

"Shocking!", I say.

 

[XIII's Number XIV]

"Hardy har har." I reply, as I knock Ren out with the needle-bat.

Then I exit the store to see a whole bunch of people going after a scoop of ice cream. Strange.

I jump and enter a quick-time event, and succeed as I fire a cocktail at the ice cream, and hits.

 

[Ren3004]

Once again, my tendency to make bad puns has proved to be my undoing. When I wake up, the corridor seems to be deserted. I head towards the department store, while searching for signs of anyone.

 

[Malevolent Stranger]

The LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM withstands the fire, however, because it's Malevolent's, there's C4 in it, so it explodes, and coats everyone. Several massive, ten foot tall fat guys waddle at them, brandishing ice cream scoops.

 

[Ren3004]

"Oh my god, there's ice cream all over the walls!"


I climb up the back of one of the guys, and cut his head off with my flaming lightsaber.

 

[Claymorez]

Finally (as I recover from your Altair style stunt), I use my God powers to manifest a crowbar and a dirty Harry get up. Then sticking a lollipop in my mouth (because I don't want to die from coronary heart failure in the long run - being a major concern considering ive just been stabbed and had the crap beaten out of me). Then I throw myself into the fight and strip the skin off Stranger and begin scraping off THE REMAINS OF THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM, in an attempt to resuscitate my lost child! Then in an attempt to throw off everyone's attention I shout "Free ice cream" and point vaguely off towards the second floor before knocking myself unconscious with the crowbar by accident.

 

[Ren3004]

All of the ten feet tall fat guys are down, and I see claymorez unconscious on the floor. I steal his crowbar and start hacking people to bits again.

 

[Malevolent Stranger]

Stranger is sitting in a vault, the fat people beat claymorez with their ice cream scoops, and one falls on Ren, killing him beneath thousands of pounds of pure cheesy goodness.

 

[Ren3004]

I respawn near the theater, still holding the crowbar. Since everyone is busy fighting each other, I figure it's OK if I watch a movie without paying.

 

[Malevolent Stranger]

He sits through three hours of watching the unfunny bits of monty python, and that's all that's playing. Clearly this is the work of Malevolent, who enjoys his GM-Esque vault room.

 

[XIII's Number XIV]

I looked at the scene with a puzzled, yet disturbed look. Then I ran up and grabbed some ice cream and hurled it at the vault, and stated that there was more ice cream in there. All the fat guys start to break down the door as I eat ice cream and watch.

 

[Ren3004]

Filled with fury, I smash Malevolent's cameras with my crowbar. Going outside of the theater, I once again start hacking people to bits.

 

[Malevolent Stranger]

The vault is a full floor above the mall, and two fats are killed by a pit trap, and the other two smell twinkie, which has spawned behind Number. Number is fat charged, trampled, and cannibalized. The twinkie explodes, killing the remaining fats.

 

[XIII's Number XIV]

[small] Ew... [/small]

I respawn in the candy store. I take one look around, and lunge at the barrel of jelly beans and eat them 'till I'm stock crazy.

 

[Ren3004]

XIII is surprised by me jumping out of my jelly bean hideout and beating him in the head with the crowbar. I get back inside the barrel and prepare to kill the next person who comes by.

EDIT: 1000[sup]th[/sup] post! YAY!