Mall Fight!

[mariosuperlative]

My guts splatter the wall, and I find it rather disconerting that I am in an utterly incredible amount of pain, yet I am still able to see everything. I realise my head must have come detatched, and yet I'm still alive and feeling the pain of the rest of my body.

"Someone destroy my brain!" I scream in agony. The manager laughs callously and walks away.

 

[Ren3004]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I barricade the corridor with some furniture and yell:


"YOU... SHALL NOT... PASS!"

 

[mariosuperlative]

I call out for help, and I then notice the chicken, who Ren has somehow managed to get rid of. It comes over to me and starts ripping my face off. The pain is the worst I have ever experienced, but once it starts to rip up my brain I'm dead and I respawn.

I spawn next to Ren, and notice him trying to stop the manager passing. Unfortunately the furniture is blasted away by the evil git, leaving Ren doomed. I rush away.

 

[Ren3004]

Oh, you want to do this the hard way? Fine.

I dodge a rocket, grab the chicken, and throw it at the manager. He falls to the ground, holding his face and crying in pain.

 

[mariosuperlative]

I stop to lol at the manager, but the chicken suddenly flies back, covered in acid...oh god...it seems the manager has an ability we didn't foresee. I run to grab the rocket launcher but the manager pins me to the ground. I see the chicken burn up, and the manager points his finger at me. Acid spews from his skin...

 

[Ren3004]

The rocket launcher spins through the air and I grab it.

I point it at the managers arm and shoot, making him hit the wall with a stream of acid.

 

[mariosuperlative]

The manager screams in pain but his arm reheals. Turns out this guy is far more deadly than we thought. Since it's the most logical thing to do, I run the hell away but find myself being poked sharply in the leg. I turn to see...

...the acid covered chicken, attempting to rip me apart before it dies! It leaps at me and covers me in the acid. My skin starts to burn and I scream, kicking the chicken to the ground. I grap a video game box and beat the chicken to death savagely.

The acid is unstoppable and has covered my entire body...obviously I die, and subsequently respawn...right next to a very angry manager.

 

[Ren3004]

The manager grabs mario and throws him at me. I dodge him, shoot a rocket at the manager's face and run away.

 

[mariosuperlative]

I grab onto a passing cricket bat from the sports section and crash into the ground. I rush towards the manager and wack him in the face multiple times.

"OH GOD! MY ONLY WEAKNESS...THE CRICKET BAT!" The manager wails and falls back. It's time to finish him, it's time...

The chicken, all of its fur burnt off and its chickenhood almost impossible to spot, rushes towards me. I am about to strike the fatal blow with the cricket bat when the chicken leaps at my throat and tears off the skin. Blood pours from my neck and I scream. I swing the cricket bat, but I do not have enough power to reach the manager. It falls to the ground, and the manager destroys it with acid.

"I've discovered how to control respawns" the manager hisses. "Time to kill you for good."

 

[Ren3004]

I hit the manager in the head with a bowling ball. His skull caves in and blood squirts everywhere.

 

[IMrAngryPantsI]

He rips off his skin and is really a cockroach. I hear a voice in my head, it says, "You are in hot water now mortal, fear the bite of the cocka-roach."

 

[Sam G]

"Not so fast, Lord Shmue!" I cry, surfing through the air on the back of a small jet. I grab the evil cockaroach, strap 'im to the jet, spring off and send him flying into the sun.
"Nice work, gents! With the manager defeated, we can fight to our heart's content! And speaking of fighting..."
I trip Ren over and curb-stomp him until his skull fragments. Then I walk over to Mario, pick him up by the head and break his neck.

 

[mariosuperlative]

I'm a bit annoyed about my broken neck, but I decide to fashion a new one out of the chicken's skin (the damn creature has finally, finally died). Unfortunately basic human physiology decides I should be dead, so I reluctantly die.

I come back and see the manager's cockroach form. I laugh hard, as he is the same size as any normal cockroach. I then proceed to grab a dog from the pet section, rip out its teeth and stab sam in the eyes with them. That'll teach him.

 

[Ren3004]

Feeling sorry for the poor puppy, I strangle mario. With a snake.

 

[IMrAngryPantsI]

For such a nice strangle, I pat you on the back, with a chainsaw.

 

[mariosuperlative]

Ren doesn't realise the puppy can grow extra teeth, and feels no pain. The puppy proceeds to grow said teeth, but it's still annoyed that I attacked it. It leaps up and tries to bite me, but accidentally kills the snake instead. I stroke it and its attempts to butcher me halt. I rush and grab a bag of ham, rip it open and dangle it near the puppy. I say "KILL HIM!", pointing at Ren. Knowing it'll get the ham if it does, the puppy leaps at Rem and begins malling him.

EDIT: Ninja'd. Still, this post works.

 

[Ren3004]

Angrypants' chainsaw kills me and the puppy.

 

[mariosuperlative]

I look at the puppy's lifeless body and cry. I force the chainsaw out of Angrypants's hands and rip the skin of his hands.

 

[Sam G]

I, panicking at my newfound blindness, whip out the old hairspray-flamethrower and spin around in a circle while igniting things.

 

[mariosuperlative]

I fortunately was standing back when sam started burning everything. I knew what to do. It was to be my destiny. I...ran the hell away.