Maybe not the right place to ask but..

[Gooble]

This will not end well, whatever you decide to choose. The last (and only) time this happened to me it ended up with me losing the girl (and we were quite close) and now I hate the friend's guts (and we'd been best friends for 7 years).

 

[DragunovHUN]

Even if your friend doesn't make a movie

Oh shit, so THAT'S what it's about!

 

[la-le-lu-li-lo]

Oh, you aren't failing. I understand your terms, even if I am poking fun at your inability to use the technical definitions. I'm just denying your point.

The problem with your point is simply that it is based on a biased world view; psychology defines experiments and runs tests to confirm some of these "intuitive" details, such as "it just isn't meant to be", and finds that they are simply wrong. Nothing is not meant to be in the sense you are implying it.

I can take hypothetical friends A and B, and grab A, drag him/her into a closet, put on some particular pheromones, put an ear piece and microphone on em, and hook them up to a database we have here, then throw them out. If they follow instructions, and catch on quick enough, A and B will most likely hook up. This is not a certainty, as B may simply be temporarily unapproachable (death in the family, pining after another person, etc), but it is so high as to be unlikely to fail.

Now, in the future, we might be able to manipulate HLA and other markers to such an extent as to create the perfect genetic smell for any given individual, and make this as simple as "here, use this deodorant and he'll fall for you" sort of thing.

Nothing is definite, and everything is mutable, when attraction comes to the fray. Nothing is "not meant to be".

perhaps i like to think of attraction meaning more than chemical A plus chemical B equals baby making time.

i also like to get to know a person a little bit before i 'hook up' with them. no matter how much their pheromones might turn me on.

and you'll have to excuse my lack of technical terms. the technicalities of each and every chemical that defines sexual chemistry is simply not my forte. as it seems to be yours.

 

[la-le-lu-li-lo]

oh, and your magical deodorant is already here.

http://www.scent-of-seduction.com/androstenone_pheromone.html

 

[-Orgasmatron-]

What are you? 12?

 

[la-le-lu-li-lo]

What are you? 12?

me or the original poster?

[confuzzled]

 

[la-le-lu-li-lo]

Oh, no offense intended, obviously. After all, everyone has their particular area of expertise, and psychology is what the piece of paper on my door says mine is in, along with two others. I know someone who can walk around me when it comes to quantum chromodynamics, and others who can whip my rear in Russian history. No one can be best at everything.

However, I'd caution you against adding in romanticism where there is none, just as I'd caution you against believing such things are meaningless just because we know how they work. Happiness is awesome, and just because we know how dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine work to cause such feelings of euphoria don't discount how enjoyable the experience is. However, the knowledge of how these chemicals work means we must discard any fantasy and illusion of romanticism, and enjoy these things for how they work, not for how we wish they would be.

i never thought i'd be accused of adding romanticism where there is none, but here i am doing it. if my friends knew i'd never live it down.

to be honest, i don't know why i'm even arguing with you. probably i'm just being belligerent because i usually don't feel dumb when i have intellectual conversations with people... i try to be educated on most things, but as you said, not everyone can be experts at everything...

self-defense mechanism perhaps. and despite my apparent hostility, i have thoroughly enjoyed discussing this with you and am a bit more educated on the subject now. so i suppose i owe you thanks.

goodnight then.

 

[Wilfy]

I don't know if this will work, but if it was me, I would talk to your friend about it, both go for it and agree that you stay friends whoever she chooses.

 

[JC175]

You kick his ass with your love gun.


Or something.

Yeah. Or something.

OT, I think that since you can't contact the girl, you should contact your friend and talk to him about it. Tell him you like her and you know that he does to, and discuss how important your friendship is and whether or not you're really gonna fight over a girl.

And next time you see the girl you should confess that the two of you like her and let her know that it's her choice and you're not gonna be immature and fight about it.

Hey, I'm a chick, I give chick answers. Sorry it's all discussion and no punches in my version.

To be honest I was really hoping a chick would reply, it's really more informative than "Compare willies" which is just retarded. My friend knows I like her because we practically fell for her at the same time during a day at a theme park where we ran into her and her friends. About the whole "confession" thing, I don't do that stuff because A. I don't want her to feel weird. And B. For me, confessions always get me weird looks and then the person never talks to me again. I am nuts about this girl, I don't want that to happen.

Keep in mind that apart from maybe a drunken encounter, a confession is pretty much your starting point. Take a deep breath and do it son.

 

[Avida]

For the love of god get to her first, i had this situation and didnt and have regretted it since, and i sitll love her almost 2 years on now :-(.

 

[khain13]

In a word what you need is: distraction.

Ask her to go out to a movie or dinner or what have you, make sure it is a place or activity that you like. Tell her to invite a friend if she wants, that will make her more confident. If she asks why tell her the truth. You heard about her breakup and wanted to do something nice for her to take her mind off things and make her feel better. At this point the ball is in her court, she can either say no or go with you. If she says yes she either likes you or really needs a distraction from her troubles (which is very possible), then after the day/evening is over ask her to go do something else some other time. The answer to this second question will be weighted more towards her feelings for you than needing a distraction. Life is a series of decisions. If you continue to present her with a/b options you can judge by what decisions she makes if there is any compatability. These tactics worked pretty well for me when I was a teen/in my early 20s. Probably the most important thing to remember is be confident and be sincere.

I once asked a young lady to go to a concert with me, it was a punk band she had never even heard of, so normally she would have no reason to go to said concert. When she said yes I knew that she was going because she was interested in me. By setting up loaded questions like this you can learn a lot about someone else's motives. As a side note the young lady in my story has been my wife for 7 years now.

 

[God's Clown]

If I was in this situation, I'd Rick'Roll her. Just for the laughs.

All seriousness though. Don't Rick Roll her, as funny as it'd be for everyone around, it'd probably not work so well for what your going for. That's my only advice, I suck with relationships <.<

 

[-Orgasmatron-]

What are you? 12?

me or the original poster?

[confuzzled]

The OP.

 

[Rascarin]

To the OP: First, decide if you want to do battle with your friend to see who gets the girl first. Is she worth risking the friendship over? Ask him about it.

If you still really want her, then man up and ask her. Stop dancing around and giving hints and that; phone her, ask to meet up. Don't say "will you go out with me" or "would you like to go on a date?"; just arrange a meet up with no pressure, like a walk in town or something. That way, if things are going well you can offer her lunch or something (we ladies love free food).

If I was in this situation, I'd Rick'Roll her. Just for the laughs.

All seriousness though. Don't Rick Roll her, as funny as it'd be for everyone around, it'd probably not work so well for what your going for. That's my only advice, I suck with relationships <.<

Win ^-^

 

[Shoto Koto]

Dude, you need to speak to her. I had this situation and I hung off because of my mate and I've regretted it ever since. Go for it if your friend is really a friend he will understand.

 

[matnatz]

I suggest you find the local off-license and liquer yourself up. Then, while drunk, you should go around to his house and jam a bottle between his eyes. Yeah, that's how it's done.

But seriously man, she sounds like a pain in the arse, do you actually enjoy comforting her all the time? Let him have her. It'll last about a week. It sounds like he's going to win, and really, I'm sorry. But you'll find someone else, I know it's a terribly over-used phrase, but there are plenty more fish in the sea, usuallly much less annoying, less whiny, less selfish and less oblivious to other people's feelings too.