My ex-wife just married my brother

[Erana]

Hello all.

I am fairly new here, but I have seen from the forums that there is an element of a support group here and I thought I would share my life's latest and most brutal drama to try to get some perspective on how I should be feeling. To give the abbreviated version, I got married in 2003 to a truly evil woman after only dating for three weeks. Nine months and two days after we were married my daughter was born. Four months after her birth we split up (I will go into the specifics of this later) and due to some horrifically unscrupulous tactics used by my ex-wife she got full custody with me only getting three hours of supervised visitation a month.

I can assure you that this level of estrangement from one's first child (and until four weeks ago my only child) is cruel beyond description. over the next period of four years I fought fruitlessly to get more time with my daughter, specifically time without her mother (the incarnation of all that is evil) present and breathing down my throat. I had no loyalty from my father and stepmother as my ex used my daughter as a blackmailing chip. Essentially, if they stood up for me then she would take their granddaughter away, so they caved to her every wish. After a year and a half I moved two hours away to start a new life and me "parents" let her move in with them despite all she had done to me. Eventually, I guess, she seduced my brother (who was only 17 when she and I first got married) and just got married to him this past October 18th.

I have been seething with the rage of betrayal at first from her and later from my family for years now, but now it appears that I am going to have to see this malevolent termagant at family events for THE REST OF MY LIFE (assuming their marriage lasts). I will either be driven from my own family, or have to see her at Thanksgivings and Christmases, etc. thanks to my "brother." Is it just me, or is not blood supposed to be thicker than water?

Any input would be helpful, I just don't even know how to process this.

Do you have to call her "evil," though?
Its one thing to state the facts, but my father also called my mother evil, terrible, etc.
Almost a decade later, after his second ex-wife refuses to speak to him, my mother is taking care of him. Getting him to get him to be able to function on his own, driving him to the store because he totaled his car, in general, getting him cleaned up. Taking on the responsibility of caring for my mentally troubled aunt.
My mother is a saint in so many ways.

No matter the circumstances, your ex marrying your brother would be hurtful. I can't speak for the rest of the Escapist, but I would better appreciate if you stated the marital circumstances without insults, no matter how much she may deserve them. It doesn't seem right to support someone when they're talking subjectively about someone who has no presence here. Anyway, if you behave with courtesy and a calm demeanor, you will look better in front of your family.
But by no means is blood thicker than water. (at least proverbially)
This also doesn't mean that the water is going to be of much use to you anyway.

 

[The Heik]

Yeah you may be screwed here, but take solace in the fact that she may do the same thing to your brother and, providing you don't have any more siblings, be out of your life

 

[katsa5]

Good lord! You would think your family, of all people, would know what kind of person she is.
My uncle went through the same thing with his first wife. Except for that he didn't have a brother, but her pulling that number is not a stretch of the imagination. How did it work out for them? She was the kind of woman that unravels her own life. She led the spend-alot, do lots of drugs, and always stayed out all night Life. When the Courts found out, my uncle regained custody of their son, allowing her the weekend a month. Then it got even worse (details too graphic for here), and she was slammed with a 100 mile restraining order. And she was never heard from again.
My point and what I have to offer you is patience. Women like that will eventually destroy themselves.

 

[Naheal]

I got married in 2003 to a truly evil woman after only dating for three weeks.

You seem like an awesome guy, so it hurts me to say I stopped reading to re-read that over and over... This is what Americans do : | *Checks your profile and other posts* ...And I can see you're an American too.

I honestly have no idea how to handle an ex-wife marrying my brother (Me never even having had a girlfriend, and my little brother is 13, so that's hard to imagine) but, as pathetic of me it is to say it, you shouldn't have married her in the first place. Personally I won't consider marrying before I'm -at least- 25 years old, and having had dated a girl till the entire fuzzly-butterfly feeling of love have vaned. Why? If you still enjoy each others company more so than others even after that feeling have faded, the lights should be clear to propose. (I quote someone who have far more insight than me on the matter)

Personally I don't even believe in marriage in the first place. I'd only marry if whomever I'm with really wanted to marry. Otherwise, why not stay at the engagement part.
To me, marriage is more of a money-drain invented by organised religion than anything else.


I want to apologise for sounding like a dick and off-tracking there, but I don't really have much more to say. So please forgive me for coming off a bit rashly.

Not all Americans are pricks.

Don't look at me. I'm American and I'm a prick. I just know not-so-prick Americans.

 

[Bulletinmybrain]

Major SNAFU, but i'll tell you why she is still around.. You fucked her up in some way and she has decided to thrive on your emotional pain. Go live your life, break some hearts, fuck some shit up, and then come back ina year with a story to tell and she's over your brothers bullshit. Don't stay around unless you plan to watch your life sucked away and growing old and jaded.

Women can be cool, calculating and cruel beyond measure if they put their minds to it. And girls usually get everything in a divorce. Everything to bolted to your person is hers for the taking.

Magical thing called a prenup keeps them from stealing your past life, they still get free rights to steal pretty much everything you get while with them, even if they don't contribute.

 

[Aedes]

Wow... that is so awkward.

Backstabing brother, unsupporting family and having a daughter with the reincarnation of evil sounds almost like a novel... or a really bad game story. Pick one.

I'm really bad at choosing words so I will only grab one of the arguments above which I agree the most:

Spoiler: I agree with the guy agreeing with the guy he's quoting!

While your situation is...depressing to say the least, you have another child you said? So, do you have another wife? Does she love you? Do you love her? Do you love your new baby boy/girl? If so, this is all you need. If your "family" was willing to put you out on the curb, then I wouldn't even bother with them.

I know it will be a lot tougher than me just writing this, but...if you are really truly unhappy with what is going on, and they aren't listening...well, you've done all you can. I'd just keep fighting to see my daughter, thats all. You could probably use it in court, if the next marriage goes sour, between your brother and her, to get custody of your daughter. 2 failed marriages < 1 failed and 1 brand new working one. I'm sorry for everything that has happened to you, but...I feel that this is the proper course of action.

I'm going to agree with this, if you do have a new partner and daughter you really need to put most if not all your effort into keeping it working, let your partner know what's going on if you already haven't, keep fighting the fight for your 1st born, I can't imagine how hard it is, especially compared to me writing, but your new family needs your attention more, giving it to them will help you get through this difficult time.

To perhaps give you some leverage, hide and voice record every encounter with the spawn a Satan, every visit to see your first born, take a video camera and record your interactions, these can be used in your favour later in that childs life, so she doesn't think you just abandoned her.

A very important thing to remember, even though I sound like a broken record, is to keep your new family close, they WILL help you through this, pining too much after your old family will only serve to drive your new one away.

That's pretty much it. You sound to have a new family which I hope you're happy with. Work for this new relation to work and get their support so you can try to recover your old family back.

 

[Maze1125]

Disclaimer 1: This post is going to sound horrible.
Disclaimer 2: I honestly believe that you believe what you are saying.

Lets look at the facts.
Your wife left you.
Your wife fought in court for you to be unable to see your child.
Your entire family sided with her over you.
And we're meant to believe that you're the innocent party in this?

Everyone thinks they're the victim, when usually the truth is that both sides are at fault.
My advice is to look hard at how you yourself acted and see if there is nothing you can fix.
And then, be as nice as you can to your family and ex-wife, they may not deserve it, but fighting them is just going to push them, and therefore your daughter, further away

 

[SomeBritishDude]

So, what have we learnt today children?

-Shit Happens but at leasts there's cool posters.
-You can buy crabs off the internet.
-The Escapist is not the place to seek relationship advice.

 

[Chicago Ted]

I know I sound like an asshole for saying this, but I don't believe this. It just seems way too cliched.

If this is true, sorry for my attitude, but frankly you've come to the wrong place. This isn't a place for you to post sob stories.

 

[NoryCaw]

What if she gets your daughter to call your brother daddy, just to dig at you more?

Contact Fathers For Justice.

My daughter already calls him Daddy. I just learned that yesterday.

 

[Maze1125]

I fully support the use of a weird site I came across. Revenge Crabs [http://www.revengecrabs.com/]

Oh, and this is despicable.
If you even consider doing that, then I think we will know who the evil one is...

 

[gremily]

Ouch...

Brutal man...

 

[The Austin]

THATS LOW!

On both accounts!

 

[esperandote]

discredit her so you can have your daughters custody, try to find some evidence of her missbehaving and get a lawyer. Infidelity (sorry), mental inestability, whatever you can use.

Or pack your bags and move away, not so far away so can cant meet with your daughter allowing her to know and love you and making a long wait until she's old enough to choose what parent she wants to be with. Stay close to friends and let your other relatives know how well you're doing.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Your family is composed of back stabbing bastards. Tell them that that they have done nothing to help you in life, and leave them.

 

[Sporky111]

Wait, if your brother is married to your ex-wife, then he would be your daughters uncle AND step-father. That would make you her father and step uncle at the same time. Fucked up.

- You should make the most of your time with your daughter, so in future custody cases she might favor you. Don't try to alienate or slander her mother, it would only make you look bad.

- Your dad should get a big "fuck you" for supporting her over you. If you had won the case he would have had all the time with his grand-daughter he wanted.

- You might want to move on and try to make a better life without your daughter and brother. Moving away would be an option, but not necessary. Brooding over it will only get you ulcers and proscribed to prozac.

- Best case scenario, you could get a made-for-TV movie made about you. At the very least, you could get on Dr. Phil or one of the TV Judges shows. . . or Springer (you'd get to hit her).

 

[MikeOfThunder]

If what you say is completely flawless, then they have betrayed you at ever corner.

I would have nothing else to do with them personally. I really hope that everything works out for you man, no one should have to go through such things.

 

[Mad World]

Wow... I'm really sorry that you're going through all of this, NoryCaw.

Also, it would be nice if some people would be more respectful and understanding. Cracking jokes won't help.