Need help with Romance? Who you gonna call?

[dwightsteel]

I'm the same. Help us oh mighty one

Also, how long should i leave it before i make a move on my best friends ex girlfriend? I have liked for a while, think she likes me too, but her and my best friend just broke up

Well, my advice to him is on the first page.

Your Best Friend's ex-girl, eh? First and foremost, talk to your buddy about how he feels about this. If he's not cool with it, you could be risking a friendship. If he is cool with it, and you think she digs you, ask her out. A movie maybe, but coffee and drinks are ideal first dates. They don't last as long, and there is nothing awkward pertaining to food choice, what the proper dress attire should be, etc., etc.

 

[Legion]

Do you help with the other way around? A girl looking for a guy?

Firstly, sorry for the double post.


According to OP's logic, if you stand in a bar long enough you should have a couple of guys come up to you and say "Hi" then make small talk with you and then leave.

If they don't, just make 'eyes' at the guy you like and as long as he's interested, he should come to you. Girls should never approach guys, because that's just unnatural (and I'm old fashioned)

See, the last point would be a huge + for me if they did, because it shows that the girl isn't old fashioned and doesn't buy into stereotypes or gender roles.

 

[dwightsteel]

Maybe he is a stud in the sack?

A I forgot about that: she's not the sexual type. She's a really emotional, romantic girl. She's a type who wants to cuddle and kiss romantically. He, simply said, is not. Not even remotely. He's a typical 'tough guy' racing around with his racing moped (you know, one of those things that look like a motorbike, but are just fast mopeds under the hood), absolutely not the romantic type. That's why I don't understand why they got together in the first place, he isn't even her type! I think she was just missing that feeling of warmth and security she lost when her first serious boyfriend dumped her for no apperant reason. I think that's why she's clining to him, but why the hell did she never see me as an option? I want the exact same thing as she wants: romance, love, comfort, security, etc. I'm confused.

I know EXACTLY what you mean by being confused. I'm in the same boat as you. There are all these guys that are into what I like eg, gaming, sci-fi etc. But they never even considering me as a option. They go out with someone more easy I guess. I still don't get it though.

You know, as a female, your place in the friend zone isn't as solid as it is for a guy. If you have guy friends that you would like to make into boyfriends, then start breaking out of that "one of the guys" mold they seemed to have placed you in. Dress more feminine, flirt more obviously. Give them a reason to see you as the girl you want to be seen as.

 

[dwightsteel]

Ok, this has been kind of a long time coming it seems. It's not entirely uncommon for a thread about romance to pop up. A lot of the time it's guys who just don't know how to get the girl. But that's ok. Romance is a tough subject to grasp. Anyway, I tend to post a lot in these threads, because this area happens to be my forte.

Before you think I'm just some guy who thinks he knows more then he does, here's my resume:
I'm what I like to call a "no so traditionally handsome" guy, but about mid-way through high school, I just started to understand the necessary concepts to "get the girl". For a little over a year, I've hosted a local radio program on the subject, and I've personally stepped in and helped 53 guys build up their game, in which 50 have either found meaningful relationships or it's helped them to...well I guess "go all the way" would be a good way of phrasing it. Most of the guys I've helped were like me, not traditionally handsome, but have boat loads of personality.

I can't promise to make anyone into the next great pickup artist, and honestly, that's not really what I'm trying to do. What I can promise, is that if you follow my advice, your chances will improve, and I'll help you do that without making your pretend to be someone you're not. Some advice may be outside your comfort zone, but 8 out of 10 times, shyness is the enemy we're trying to combat.

So if you have questions, or need advice, let me help you.

Genius man. I've read some of your advice and it looks promising. Gonna try some of it out where I work, I get alot of girls going to the nightclubs. I got a question, how do you approach a girl thats hanging out with a group of women?

One word. Wingman.

When girls are roaming in packs, they are like the phalanx defense in "300". Each girl contributing to the whole. When a guy comes in to pick one out, the rest are there to shut him out. But that is where your wingman comes in handy.

Your wingman needs to be extraverted. He needs to be able to go in, and make a splash in the group. Whether it's offering to buy a round or able to garner attention long enough for you to swing in and talk to the girl you're after. Packs spend their time either grouped on the dance floor, or looking out for each other. These packs are impressive because they sometimes seem eerily aware of their surroundings. The wingman's SOLE purpose is to divert this awareness away from their surroundings, and place it squarely on himself. Everyone has that friend who likes nothing better then to make an ass out of himself. He's usually your ideal candidate.

Understand, this advice isn't for people who can't start an "approach" (which is what I was trying to describe to the very first person who came to this thread).

Now if only I had some guy friends. Would a lesbian count as a wingman?

Hell yes. Women in general make for the BEST wingmen.

 

[Helnurath]

Maybe he is a stud in the sack?

A I forgot about that: she's not the sexual type. She's a really emotional, romantic girl. She's a type who wants to cuddle and kiss romantically. He, simply said, is not. Not even remotely. He's a typical 'tough guy' racing around with his racing moped (you know, one of those things that look like a motorbike, but are just fast mopeds under the hood), absolutely not the romantic type. That's why I don't understand why they got together in the first place, he isn't even her type! I think she was just missing that feeling of warmth and security she lost when her first serious boyfriend dumped her for no apperant reason. I think that's why she's clining to him, but why the hell did she never see me as an option? I want the exact same thing as she wants: romance, love, comfort, security, etc. I'm confused.

I know EXACTLY what you mean by being confused. I'm in the same boat as you. There are all these guys that are into what I like eg, gaming, sci-fi etc. But they never even considering me as a option. They go out with someone more easy I guess. I still don't get it though.

You wanna know whats sad? I can't seem to find the gamer/geeky types of girls anywhere I go, and I live near pretty big city with lots of gamer/geeky hangouts, and it seems they are all hiding .

 

[DigitalSushi]

You're telling me that in no place in the UK, do geeks gather publicly? There are no conventions? No comic or gaming shops? I find that hard to believe.

Hardly anything in Australia as well which is a real bummer. We have ....an internet cafe and....no that is it. Not even a comic book shop. Though we do have three gaming shops. All in about a 500m square metre. Why? I have no idea.

Do you help with the other way around? A girl looking for a guy?

*raises eyebrows, checks breath*

"How you doin'?"

Pretty good...now.. *wink*

Yeah, Australia really doesn't have a comic culture which sucks royal. Only one I know of is hidden away in the Gold Coast. You...*realises SCAM and Sam are flirting*

*knocks on bar* can I get Hieneken here?

You didn't notice they were flirting?, couldn't you hear Sade's Smooth Operator that just started playing.

 

[Major_Sam]

You know, as a female, your place in the friend zone isn't as solid as it is for a guy. If you have guy friends that you would like to make into boyfriends, then start breaking out of that "one of the guys" mold they seemed to have placed you in. Dress more feminine, flirt more obviously. Give them a reason to see you as the girl you want to be seen as.

I'm a fashion junkie and I flirt my pants off. Most wouldn't even guess I'm a huge massive nerd who has a poster of Boba Fett and Doctor Who on my wall. But I'm no tomboy and still no nibbles at the end of the line.

 

[DigitalSushi]

Hell yes. Women in general make for the BEST wingmen.

most effective wingman tactic is the "you and friend act gay", girls will come to you to talk.

 

[Sark]

Maybe he is a stud in the sack?

A I forgot about that: she's not the sexual type. She's a really emotional, romantic girl. She's a type who wants to cuddle and kiss romantically. He, simply said, is not. Not even remotely. He's a typical 'tough guy' racing around with his racing moped (you know, one of those things that look like a motorbike, but are just fast mopeds under the hood), absolutely not the romantic type. That's why I don't understand why they got together in the first place, he isn't even her type! I think she was just missing that feeling of warmth and security she lost when her first serious boyfriend dumped her for no apperant reason. I think that's why she's clining to him, but why the hell did she never see me as an option? I want the exact same thing as she wants: romance, love, comfort, security, etc. I'm confused.

I know EXACTLY what you mean by being confused. I'm in the same boat as you. There are all these guys that are into what I like eg, gaming, sci-fi etc. But they never even considering me as a option. They go out with someone more easy I guess. I still don't get it though.

Problem with guys at this age is that even if they aren't anything special, they generally don't go for a girl they aren't physically attracted to. Even if all else would be magic. This may not be the case with you but it happens alot.

 

[Cowabungaa]

Boys do tend to mature a lot slower then girls around that age. Maybe you should suggest that she find someone older who could give her all of that?

That someone would be...me, obviously. But it's too late to suggest any of that now, they're back together again. But it's the last chance he gets from me to show that he's changed and that he learned from this. If he fucks up one more time, I'll take affirmative action described above.

I know EXACTLY what you mean by being confused. I'm in the same boat as you. There are all these guys that are into what I like eg, gaming, sci-fi etc. But they never even considering me as a option. They go out with someone more easy I guess. I still don't get it though.

Strange, I always thought that guys like me would kill for a girl like you. Love is a strange thing, isn't it? Lack of gathering spots would explain it. I'd kill for a proper gamestore around here, just to name something.

 

[Major_Sam]

You wanna know whats sad? I can't seem to find the gamer/geeky types of girls anywhere I go, and I live near pretty big city with lots of gamer/geeky hangouts, and it seems they are all hiding .

Same here. All the geeky guys in my city are hiding as well. Though we have no geeky hangouts. There is nothing for our kind to gather and chat about important things eg. gaming.

 

[dwightsteel]

I'm struggling not to point and laugh. Six words: "Can I buy you a drink/coffee." Intention made clear. Done.

I was shy. Then I decided to throw myself into situation anyway. Bang, problem solved. No gurus necessary.

I don't think you're worthy to have Superman as your avatar buddy, self-help gurus are for chumps.

It's great that you've been able to break out of your shyness, but not everyone can think as proactively as you. No one said you had to believe anything I said. Some people need some help gaining perspective, and that what I'm trying to help with. If you're gonna be an ass, and troll, then do it on someone else's thread.

 

[dwightsteel]

You know, as a female, your place in the friend zone isn't as solid as it is for a guy. If you have guy friends that you would like to make into boyfriends, then start breaking out of that "one of the guys" mold they seemed to have placed you in. Dress more feminine, flirt more obviously. Give them a reason to see you as the girl you want to be seen as.

I'm a fashion junkie and I flirt my pants off. Most wouldn't even guess I'm a huge massive nerd who has a poster of Boba Fett and Doctor Who on my wall. But I'm no tomboy and still no nibbles at the end of the line.

...wow. So are the guys you hang with just stupid then? The best advice I can give you then, is the advice I gave you in the previous thread. Look for new guys, be aggressive with your flirting, and when you have em snagged, make them work a little. Most guys know when a pick-up is going to easy.

 

[Helnurath]

Hell yes. Women in general make for the BEST wingmen.

most effective wingman tactic is the "you and friend act gay", girls will come to you to talk.

Only problem with that being I have no male friends that would leave their mother's basement, because they have :insert WOW boss here: down to 98%. Lesbians make for better "masculine friends" then REAL males would.

 

[Helnurath]

You wanna know whats sad? I can't seem to find the gamer/geeky types of girls anywhere I go, and I live near pretty big city with lots of gamer/geeky hangouts, and it seems they are all hiding .

Same here. All the geeky guys in my city are hiding as well. Though we have no geeky hangouts. There is nothing for our kind to gather and chat about important things eg. gaming.

I should start a personals service for gamers/geeks. I bet I would make a fortune.

 

[Legion]

*snip*

In relation to the whole thing with you I can kind of explain her thought process (based on what someone said a while back on these forums, although he worded it much, much better).

He treats her great when he wants her and when she feels needed, so she becomes attached to him as he seems so nice; but being an asshole he treats her badly, she feels downtrodden and her esteem is hurt so she finds comfort (you).

He then starts to treat her nicely again and so her, remembering how nice he can be foolishly starts to hope that this time will be different and starts to feel the same emotion she used to.

He inevitably starts the routine again and the cycle continues.

The reason she keeps falling for it is because he has control over her due to the way he can make her feel when he is being nice. It's almost like submissive/dominance thing, she sees him being nice as her being in his good books and her being mistreated as her having done something wrong.

The fact is, she is weak. I don't mean this horribly but she is letting her instincts take over her intellect by not realising that he is a bastard who is not worth her time.

In that situation I'd tell her how you feel about her and let her know that you can't keep comforting her as she falls for the same thing over and over again because it's too damaging. Tell her that she means a lot to you but it's not fair of her to drag you into it, let her know that you will be there for her if she really needs you and back off until she either realises that you are better than him or finds someone else's head to mess up (not that I think she does it intentionally).

Comforting someone you care about as they let someone else screw them over is not nice, and is not something you should put up with. It is the kind and caring thing to do, but it is damaging to you and is only helping her emotionally, and will not help her sort it out.

You know, as a female, your place in the friend zone isn't as solid as it is for a guy. If you have guy friends that you would like to make into boyfriends, then start breaking out of that "one of the guys" mold they seemed to have placed you in. Dress more feminine, flirt more obviously. Give them a reason to see you as the girl you want to be seen as.

I'm a fashion junkie and I flirt my pants off. Most wouldn't even guess I'm a huge massive nerd who has a poster of Boba Fett and Doctor Who on my wall. But I'm no tomboy and still no nibbles at the end of the line.

...wow. So are the guys you hang with just stupid then?

Agreed, Major_Sam I think the boys you know must have been dropped on their heads at birth.

 

[Major_Sam]

Strange, I always thought that guys like me would kill for a girl like you. Love is a strange thing, isn't it? Lack of gathering spots would explain it. I'd kill for a proper gamestore around here, just to name something.

It is strange isn't it? That is why I get so damn frustrated. Or I'm looney. I design clothes and watch (and squee over) chick flicks yet I play CoD4 until the early hours of the morning and my favourite movie is the Empire Strikes Back. Ok yeah I'm nuts.

 

[The Salty Vulcan]

You're telling me that in no place in the UK, do geeks gather publicly? There are no conventions? No comic or gaming shops? I find that hard to believe.

Hardly anything in Australia as well which is a real bummer. We have ....an internet cafe and....no that is it. Not even a comic book shop. Though we do have three gaming shops. All in about a 500m square metre. Why? I have no idea.

Do you help with the other way around? A girl looking for a guy?

*raises eyebrows, checks breath*

"How you doin'?"

Pretty good...now.. *wink*

Yeah, Australia really doesn't have a comic culture which sucks royal. Only one I know of is hidden away in the Gold Coast. You...*realises SCAM and Sam are flirting*

*knocks on bar* can I get Hieneken here?

You didn't notice they were flirting?, couldn't you hear Sade's Smooth Operator that just started playing.

I blocked out the music of Sade a looong time ago...Not even Shaun of the Dead helped me.

 

[Rickyvantof]

Thank god I'm handsome.
I do have a lot of shyness issues though...

 

[Music Mole]

I'm cursed when I have a missus potential girlfriends tend to line up and reveal themselves, yet when I'm single, finding a girl who is mildly interested is almost daunting task, a quest given upon thee by the very gods themselves.

Edit: I'm no ladies man but keeping girls as friends doesn't pose a difficult task. Just common sense and an outgoing attitude when talking with girls is really all you need to begin the ball rolling.