It seems like u may blend in to well and they just see u as one of the guys. Try opening up to them and show them otherwise. It could help.Major_Sam said:
Need help with Romance? Who you gonna call?
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So...I screwed up a relationship with this girl. It was relatively short, as in there were feelings and we messed around, but that's about it. Anyways, I know I came off as a jealous, selfish weirdo and that's not me at all. Since then, I have seen her a few times and the conversations went fine. I mean, it's been about 3 years since the whole thing happened, so I'd assume she'd be over it. But my question is, is there anyway to salvage the relationship?
Normally I wouldn't give a second glance at the situation, but she's smart, successful, and proving my shallowness, very hot. Basically, she's at a point in her life where I'd ideally like to be in mine after I finish college.
There are some other details (possibly important) about the situation, but I'd rather perfer to PM those to you. It's nothing embarassing, but it's concerning someone other than me, and I'd rather not spread his business to the public even if it's anonymous. There is a nutjob who knows my screen name and if you type it into google, my youtube channel is listed first, followed by my profile here.
Normally I wouldn't give a second glance at the situation, but she's smart, successful, and proving my shallowness, very hot. Basically, she's at a point in her life where I'd ideally like to be in mine after I finish college.
There are some other details (possibly important) about the situation, but I'd rather perfer to PM those to you. It's nothing embarassing, but it's concerning someone other than me, and I'd rather not spread his business to the public even if it's anonymous. There is a nutjob who knows my screen name and if you type it into google, my youtube channel is listed first, followed by my profile here.
Well, I don't really have trouble with talking to the opposite sex, I do have very good confidense, to much of it at times some of my friends say, hehe.
However, I do have a little, or well big problem with expressing my emotions.
I'm not sure if this is the right place to be asking but still. I have a hard time expressing anger or annoyance in anyway, I have ended a few relationships with a grudge slowly building up for something and never bin able to express it. I have a hard time expressing love for anyone, friends, family, relationships.
Again, It may be the wrong place to be asking and feels slightly silly, but any thoughts on how to become.. better at expressing emotions?
Also, I like your thread and in my limited experiance, advice from strangers is sometimes easier to take when your are within a comfort zone of anonyminity.
However, I do have a little, or well big problem with expressing my emotions.
I'm not sure if this is the right place to be asking but still. I have a hard time expressing anger or annoyance in anyway, I have ended a few relationships with a grudge slowly building up for something and never bin able to express it. I have a hard time expressing love for anyone, friends, family, relationships.
Again, It may be the wrong place to be asking and feels slightly silly, but any thoughts on how to become.. better at expressing emotions?
Also, I like your thread and in my limited experiance, advice from strangers is sometimes easier to take when your are within a comfort zone of anonyminity.
I've read your advice and I believe you. Now I need help. There's this girl I like, and I've known her for over half a year. I've been to her house and we've hung out befoe. She seems like she might be interested. I want to ask her out since she's single, but I cannot figure out how. Every time I get a chance, I just freeze up and get nervous.Anything, or do I just need to grow a pair and man up? Oh yea, I'm 16 and she's 15, both in 10th grade.
Who am I gonna call? The Ghostbusters. If that crew can't help with a relationship problem, no one can.
Sorry for going OT....but I had to.
Sorry for going OT....but I had to.
I've addressed this one previously, but still, this is one I expected to hear a lot about. Guys who are well versed in picking girls up see signs of interest everywhere....even if they're not there. Conversely, guys who are not out at bars every weekend getting their one night stands (1ns) of the week out of the way, tend to overlook what everyone around them sees clear as day. The only thing you can do if you ever want to avoid this, is try to mentally keep everyone open as an option. It's kind of a radical change in mindset though, and it really only benefits if you're planning on being a pickup artist. Another good way to catch the ones that slip through the cracks is to have a wingman who helps by keeping his eyes open for you. More often then not, it's that extra pair of eyes that will catch the signals you're missing, which include, but are not limited to: excessive laughing (there is that old movies trick where girls laugh at all your bad jokes. While this is not exactly sure fire, people who are around the people they are interested in tend to be more giggly then usual), questions pertaining to your love life (what kind of girl do you like? Do you have a girlfriend? etc, etc), extensive kinesthetics (touching. If she's prone to cuddling, or even if you find her look for reasons to touch you in general, this can be a dead give away, because it's often subconscious behavior).antiwheat said:
Unfortunately, there is really no 100% effective method that works on every girl when it comes to figuring this out. You have to be vigilant, and not afraid to consider all your options.
Well, excluding those "possibly important" details, which you're more then welcome to PM to me, my answer is: maybe.paypuh said:
You say the conversations went fine on the few occasions you've talked to her since, but what kind of things did you talk about? Was it mostly small talk, or was there some real substance? Did she smile a lot? If she did, in what context?
The positives for you are this: You've had three years to grow and mature, and that is a nice time frame. Depending on how you present yourself, and act around her, it's entirely possible for her to form a completely new opinion of you. Also, in that time, the memories of your breakup aren't so fresh. While she'll most certainly remember the circumstances of the break up, it will be near impossible for her to recall those negative feelings she had when you parted. Clearly she doesn't hold a grudge, or you wouldn't be telling me those conversations you've had with her went fine.
The negatives: While you've both grown, and those bad emotions towards you are more then likely history, her memory of the circumstances surrounding your breakup are probably for the most part, intact. She might not consider your time together to be a bright spot in her memory, especially those memories are encased in a nutshell of a bad breakup.
But nothing is impossible. I would recommend you send me those possibly important details before I go ahead and recommend a direction to take.
Actually, this is something I've dealt with a lot, mostly because my best friend is kind of constantly battling this himself.Aanorith said:
A lot of this is going to sound very "guidance counselorish", and for that I'm sorry.
Expressing emotions is tough no matter who you are. When you do, you're leaving yourself vulnerable, and most people don't like being in that mindset. I believe the first and most important step for you is determining an outlet to vent your emotions, but in a way that won't bring you at odds with the people you're attempting to save from your emotional build ups. When you allow yourself to harbor those really intense negative emotions (anger, jealousy, sadness), all you're doing is fueling a fire in a fire place without a chimney. That being said, I'm sure that is something you already know. My recommendation? Find a way to express those emotions through a specific outlet.
Some people take to painting or drawing, but those are more abstract venting techniques. If you want something a bit more concrete, try keeping a journal. Often times, just saying the things that have been building up really gives you perspective, and puts you at ease. Computer journals are all the rage these days, though some people find it more personal and gratifying to put on paper.
Another option is finding someone not intimately involved with your life to unleash it all on. A big part of the fear of venting to the people you care about, is the fact that more then likely, they're a big part of what you're venting about. But someone who has no concrete place in your life, will likely not be offended by what you have to say about the people who've helped to inspire said emotions.
By finding a means of venting in regular intervals, it will become easier over time to discuss these issues with your significant other, friends and family.
I would say that 1 of 2 things has probably happened: 1) The high success rate which you allude to has caused problems concerning a person you are with now or 2) That high success rate has caused you to take undo risks in getting to the prize, and it's either turned you into not such a nice dude, or has caused you to make a regrettable mistake.quiet_samurai said:
For the first problem, full disclosure and openness mixed with a lot of guilt and topped off with an overly elaborate apology and lots and lots of patience.
For the second problem, lots and lots of introspection as to what took you the place your at.
Good luck to you all =]
Oh..My girlfriend is leaving for university as at the end of summer. This university is at the other end of the country. So..that will mean kaput. Any way to prep myself for that?
Oh..My girlfriend is leaving for university as at the end of summer. This university is at the other end of the country. So..that will mean kaput. Any way to prep myself for that?
As I've said before, "manning up" is only an option if asking girls out regularly is part of who you are. Confidence is something that is built, not turned on like a switch. On that note, though, this is different. You have a specific girl in mind, of which you've had lots of contact. You've hung out, you're at this point in time friends, I'm assuming.MBurner 93 said:
First, I want to know what is leading your to postulate that she might like you? What kind of signals are you interpreting to give you this idea?
Anyway, as I said before, this is different then a confidence issue. It's a nervousness issue. The most confident people in the world get nervous. And when it comes to beating nervousness, there are tricks.
This first part isn't so much a trick, but a realization for you. The big thing that people don't like about asking a friend to be more than friend, is the idea of sabotaging what you have. And certainly, if done improperly, this can be an issue. And by improperly, I mean, going up to her and just pouring it all out there with a bunch of "I love you, I think about you all the time, etc, etc, poetry, etc". Creepy people do this. I feel fairly confident though, that you weren't gonna use that approach.
The key to having this work out well is letting her know that there is interest in taking your friendship to a new level, but if she's not interested, then it's no big deal. Acting as if this next step is natural, and not in any way unusual is the key to playing this off well.
The trick? You've clearly hung out with her before. Asking her to chill should be nothing new, and nothing to be nervous about. So pretend that that's what you're asking her to do. Tell yourself that this is nothing you haven't done already. Come up with a game plan, an activity for you two to do (I would avoid dinner. Despite the norm, dinners are LOUSY first dates. Issues pop up about attire, whether or not you should go all out, or dress normal. Also, ordering food around a person you're trying to date can be something you end up dwelling too much on). If you have something special going on in your area for the 4th of July (assuming you're American. If not, then, whoops), ask if she'd like to go with you. But phrase it differently. "Hey, listen, we've been hanging out for a while now, and I was curious if you wanted to go to/do blank with me, but as a date," or something to that effect (if you can make it sound more suave then me, then by all means). I'd maybe rehearse it a couple of times, just so you don't stumble over the right words on the spot, but just keep telling yourself in your mind "I'm just asking her to hang out".
Remember, the worst thing that can happen is she says "no, I don't like you that way." And if she does, so what? It's out of the way, you can continue your friendship uninterrupted. If you play it the way I say, there should be very little awkwardness between you two, and if there is, I promise you, it won't last more than a day. At her age, the only thing she'll be dwelling on long term is the guy who broke her heart. And seeing as this isn't an issue, I think you're good to go. I've been shot down by girls I was friends with prior to asking them out, and every single time, there has been almost no awkwardness.
At the end of the day, there is no other way, then just to do it.
Well, it sounds like you're doing a good job already. In my experience, about 30% of long distance relationships work. It's possible, but the odds are against you. Merely coming to terms with the fact that you're going to end the relationship when she leaves is a good first step.samaritan.squirrel said:
Honestly, the best way to deal with a long distance breakup, is get it over with prior to her leaving. I don't mean, like right now. Enjoy your summer together. But I'd say, maybe two weeks prior to her leaving, try to make the mutual decision that you guys are over, or at least for the time being. The hardest goodbye is the one right before they leave, and if you're still an item at that time, it makes it even harder.
Remember, this isn't necessarily saying goodbye to your relationship permanently. It's entirely possible that while she's away, she could find that you are the guy she wants to be with, or after her schooling is done, you can find a way to resume. But keep your options open, and make the break up as painless as possible. Don't unload your issues with her, and try to keep her from doing the same. That's a tendency couples have when they're parting ways, and it almost never makes things any easier.
Acknowledging that you're going to not be together after this is the first and biggest step in preparing for the impending separation.
