Need help with Romance? Who you gonna call?

[The Infamous Scamola]

Do you help with the other way around? A girl looking for a guy?

*raises eyebrows, checks breath*

"How you doin'?"

 

[dwightsteel]

It's all well and good in theory. But what if i'm not looking for just any girl to get with. What if I want to find someone who has the same likes and hobbies as myself? So for example a girl who loves playing Xbox 360, watching Animé and has at least 2 level 80 characters on the Horde side in World of Warcraft?

Surely, while i'm in the park or bar picking up chicks she is at home grinding her new Undead Warlock to level 80 with My Neighbour Totoro playing in the background via her Xbox 360?

How do I get THAT chick, OP?

My advice to him was more about getting around his self esteem issues. Ideally, more confidence will give him the ability to more proactive in finding the girl he's looking for.

It's probable that even the girl your looking for will end up in a public place one way or the other. And if not in one of the places I've mentioned, what about gaming and comic conventions? Those are hotspots for geeks finding true love.

If I knew where they were, perhaps OP. I don't think places like that exist here in the UK =(

You're telling me that in no place in the UK, do geeks gather publicly? There are no conventions? No comic or gaming shops? I find that hard to believe.

 

[Cowabungaa]

I have a question as well, related to an incident spanning the last few days. I have a female friend (note: this isn't about the friends zone) whom I trust and dear a lot. She helped me with a lot of crap in the past (she helped me with another girl, for example) and she's the only real life person I trust with my problems so it's safe to say that we're pretty good friends. It's not that I'm romantically interested in her per se, but she would be the girl I would feel most comfortable with, the girl I would trust my first kiss or even virginity with.

So far for the introduction. The last few days she had a lot of problems with her boyfriend. The guy acted like a complete and utter douchebag to her. He simply didn't appreciated her, took her for granted, didn't bother understanding her emotions and in a lot of occasions he didn't even care about them, he cared only about himself. In short: he treated her like dirt. It made her, understandably, incredibly upset and after he broke up with her last sunday she really fell into a dark pitt. It was heartbreaking to see, and ofcourse I did what I had to do: make it very clear that I wasn't going to abandon (she felt abandoned by a lot of people) her like he did, and I was going to support her and help get through this. If she needed me, I would be there for her and she could always use me as a shoulder to cry on. During that period she was very negative about herself, and I tried to show her that she wasn't awfull and overly emotional but a wonderfull girl (and she is, I wasn't making romantic avances, she really is wonderfull). In short: I showed that I wanted to help her, and hopefully I did help her a bit.

Now here's where the wierd part (to me) starts, 2 days ago she said to me how he super sweet he was acting to her, a few hours later she said (apperantly shocked) that he wanted her back. A few minutes after thát she said he was acting all awfull again (as usual) because he apperantly found that I was talking with her about the whole situation. He was acting selfish as usual, when he doesn't get what he wants he gets angry. However, the following day when she came online again, she was all happy and yay: she asked him to get back together again, and he accepted. This made me WTF majorly, and here's why. I asked her (pretty bluntly, but I was shocked) what she was still seeing in him after what he did to her, she said that she never loved him less during that period. I replied that I didn't understand that, still loving him even though all he did was hurting her. Then she basically said: I don't care about that. ...Lolwhut? The worst is, imo, that when I asked before that that I hoped it wouldn't end in tears again, she said that she wouldn't make a mistake like this another time. WRONG: she already did make this mistake a second time. This whole situation already happened a few weeks before this incident. You can say that I was very...VERY confused, and I still am.

So here are my questions:
First of all, I really don't understand why someone would not care about getting hurt by someone, and still wanting to be with that person. How can you just...ignore what's happened twice already and still want to stick with him.
Second of all, and this relates to me, why the hell am I being overlooked here? All she talked about is how he suddenly acted all sweet against her after they broke up, but what about what I did?! I stood ready to comfort and support her with her ordeal every second of the day, and suddenly that's less important than a douchebag begging for attention again?! I don't understand, why does he get the girl and why am I barely getting appreciated? Am I doing something wrong here?

If I knew where they were, perhaps OP. I don't think places like that exist here in the UK =(

Seconded, it's the same situation here in Holland. I just can't seem to find any girl who even remotely shares my interest. There isn't anything related to gaming around here. I don't have any gamer friends living here.

 

[Helnurath]

Ok, this has been kind of a long time coming it seems. It's not entirely uncommon for a thread about romance to pop up. A lot of the time it's guys who just don't know how to get the girl. But that's ok. Romance is a tough subject to grasp. Anyway, I tend to post a lot in these threads, because this area happens to be my forte.

Before you think I'm just some guy who thinks he knows more then he does, here's my resume:
I'm what I like to call a "no so traditionally handsome" guy, but about mid-way through high school, I just started to understand the necessary concepts to "get the girl". For a little over a year, I've hosted a local radio program on the subject, and I've personally stepped in and helped 53 guys build up their game, in which 50 have either found meaningful relationships or it's helped them to...well I guess "go all the way" would be a good way of phrasing it. Most of the guys I've helped were like me, not traditionally handsome, but have boat loads of personality.

I can't promise to make anyone into the next great pickup artist, and honestly, that's not really what I'm trying to do. What I can promise, is that if you follow my advice, your chances will improve, and I'll help you do that without making your pretend to be someone you're not. Some advice may be outside your comfort zone, but 8 out of 10 times, shyness is the enemy we're trying to combat.

So if you have questions, or need advice, let me help you.

Genius man. I've read some of your advice and it looks promising. Gonna try some of it out where I work, I get alot of girls going to the nightclubs. I got a question, how do you approach a girl thats hanging out with a group of women?

 

[Major_Sam]

You're telling me that in no place in the UK, do geeks gather publicly? There are no conventions? No comic or gaming shops? I find that hard to believe.

Hardly anything in Australia as well which is a real bummer. We have ....an internet cafe and....no that is it. Not even a comic book shop. Though we do have three gaming shops. All in about a 500m square metre. Why? I have no idea.

Do you help with the other way around? A girl looking for a guy?

*raises eyebrows, checks breath*

"How you doin'?"

Pretty good...now.. *wink*

 

[dwightsteel]

OK, lets get some things straight.

Firstly, to all the naysayers out there, this thread isn't for you, so if all you're coming here to do is tell me how much I can't possibly know, then please refrain from posting here. I stand by my qualifications, but I don't EXPECT anyone to believe me on face value. I've seen countless threads dedicated to the confusion surrounding peoples love lives. I'm trying to help, because this is something that I know a lot about.

Secondly, I'm not guaranteeing my advice is 100% effective. Any advice I give is field tested, but everyone is different. Take what you will from it. Again, I'm just here to give my perspective, because I've been where many of you are, I've overcome my shyness, my fear of rejection, and I've had the opportunity to help people. If anyone decides to take my advice, I can promise that you'll at least be taking steps in the right direction, and won't be where you started.

 

[The Salty Vulcan]

You're telling me that in no place in the UK, do geeks gather publicly? There are no conventions? No comic or gaming shops? I find that hard to believe.

Hardly anything in Australia as well which is a real bummer. We have ....an internet cafe and....no that is it. Not even a comic book shop. Though we do have three gaming shops. All in about a 500m square metre. Why? I have no idea.

Do you help with the other way around? A girl looking for a guy?

*raises eyebrows, checks breath*

"How you doin'?"

Pretty good...now.. *wink*

Yeah, Australia really doesn't have a comic culture which sucks royal. Only one I know of is hidden away in the Gold Coast. You...*realises SCAM and Sam are flirting*

*knocks on bar* can I get Hieneken here?

 

[rossatdi]

Spoiler: Snip

Wow, this was the last thing I expected this thread to be. And I'm desparate enough to ask things.

I'm not anywhere near a handsome guy, and I tend to be fairly awkward around women. I'm good at making friends with them, but beyond that, I'm lost. Every time I try and ask out a girl, they play it off as if it's a joke, and when I press the issue... well, it hasn't gone well.

I have severe self-esteem issues and can't seem to find a lass. My female friends have accused me of being too boxed-in, which may be true.

I just don't know what ta do.

I'm totally pathetic for asking this, but it's the internet and I don't care. What should I do, oh Guru?

Ok, dude, I used to be you. Up until my junior year in high school, I thought I was a permanent member of "the Friend-Zone". I know it's not the nicest place to be. Your not pathetic for asking for help. It's the same as acquiring any knowledge. Some comes easier then others, and those bits of information you can't figure out for yourself, you have to get help with.

Spoiler: Snip!

To start, as I've pointed out, the first thing we have to realize is that it's true: if we're not traditionally handsome, we're at a disadvantage. It sucks, but its a fact. The good news is, the disadvantage isn't the chasm you think it is.

On a psychological level, guys are far more married to the concept of physical attraction then girls are. That's not to say there aren't a lot of shallow girls out there, but a lot of girls are actually more concerned with guys who can provide a sense of security and safety (it's a biological fact). With that in mind, lets address your problem.

Yours is the most common problem I come across. You approach girls, you seem to be able to get along well with them, but (seemingly) inevitably, you end up the friend and not the boyfriend. But my friend, let me tell you, this can change, and the first part of that is in your confidence.

I'm not the guy who's advice is "you just have to be confident!" People used to tell me that all the time. What the hell does that even mean? It's not like there is a switch you can flip, and BAM! It's something you have to build. So here is what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you an exercise.

It's simple. You take it one step at a time until you've mastered the step, then you move on to the next one.

Step 1- find a public place. If you're old enough to go to bars, then bars are probably the best place to find women, mostly because bars have women are trying to do the same thing you are. If you're not old enough, then public parks or big shopping hubs like malls and grocery stores are good too.

Once you're there, I want you to approach a girl you're interested, and just say "hi". If the girl is weirded out, apologize, and walk away, and find someone else. Ideally, she'll say "hi" back, and you can introduce yourself, and make some small talk. The conversation shouldn't last long. Maybe a minute or two. When it slows down say, "well it was nice to meet you," you smile, and walk away. THIS IS THE HARDEST STEP. Easily. 90% of this battle is beating your shyness and your self esteem. On the first go, I want you to keep at it until at least 2 girls stop and talk to you. It's gonna be hard, but push through the uncomfortableness. On the next outing, don't stop until you talk to three girls. Try to find a time in your day when you can dedicate a half hour to this project everyday until you can walk up to a girl, and just say "hi" to her. This is half of your battle.

Step 2- You proceed much the same way you do with the first step, except I want you to move away from the small talk as quickly as you can. Don't avoid it, small talk is a nice ice breaker, and you want to use this time to find something about her to talk about. A necklace, a tattoo, a feature that she has CONTROL OVER (avoid the anything that is natural on her, like her eyes. She'll feel that you making a comment on her anatomical appearance, and for some reason, girls tend to feel like you're just trying to get into their pants) that you can inquire about. People in general like to talk about themselves. At this point, if you're at a bar, offer to buy her a drink. Try to get 5 or so good minutes of conversation with substance. Like before, when you feel the conversation starting to dry up, don't try to rejuvenate it with something else. You're asking for trouble. Be the one to end the conversation. This gives you control over the encounter (you opened up, and you closed). Try to end with something to the effect of "It was nice talking to you. Hopefully we'll run into each other again sometime." Be nice, cheerful, and hopefully by this point (since you've ideally mastered the first step), you won't be nervous.

Step 3- This is the most minor step, and it's a change in your ending. Instead of saying, "hopefully we'll run into each other..." say "I'd really like to continue this conversation, but I have to run. Maybe I could get your number, and we could continue this some other time?" There is no way she could misconstrue your meaning here. On your first time meeting this girl, you've asked for her number. She'll know that you're making a romantic inquiry. By this point in time, your confidence might not be maxed out, but you should already be not so scared of rejection.

If you follow this plan, if you allow yourself even to complete the first step, you'll be on your way to bettering your situation, but it's up to you whether or not you want to listen. The first step is always the hardest, but it's also the most crucial.

I'm struggling not to point and laugh. Six words: "Can I buy you a drink/coffee." Intention made clear. Done.

I was shy. Then I decided to throw myself into situation anyway. Bang, problem solved. No gurus necessary.

I don't think you're worthy to have Superman as your avatar buddy, self-help gurus are for chumps.

 

[EMFCRACKSHOT]

Wow, this was the last thing I expected this thread to be. And I'm desparate enough to ask things.

I'm not anywhere near a handsome guy, and I tend to be fairly awkward around women. I'm good at making friends with them, but beyond that, I'm lost. Every time I try and ask out a girl, they play it off as if it's a joke, and when I press the issue... well, it hasn't gone well.

I have severe self-esteem issues and can't seem to find a lass. My female friends have accused me of being too boxed-in, which may be true.

I just don't know what ta do.

I'm totally pathetic for asking this, but it's the internet and I don't care. What should I do, oh Guru?

I'm the same. Help us oh mighty one

Also, how long should i leave it before i make a move on my best friends ex girlfriend? I have liked for a while, think she likes me too, but her and my best friend just broke up

 

[Helnurath]

I have a question as well, related to an incident spanning the last few days. I have a female friend (note: this isn't about the friends zone) whom I trust and dear a lot. She helped me with a lot of crap in the past (she helped me with another girl, for example) and she's the only real life person I trust with my problems so it's safe to say that we're pretty good friends. It's not that I'm romantically interested in her per se, but she would be the girl I would feel most comfortable with, the girl I would trust my first kiss or even virginity with.

So far for the introduction. The last few days she had a lot of problems with her boyfriend. The guy acted like a complete and utter douchebag to her. He simply didn't appreciated her, took her for granted, didn't bother understanding her emotions and in a lot of occasions he didn't even care about them, he cared only about himself. In short: he treated her like dirt. It made her, understandably, incredibly upset and after he broke up with her last sunday she really fell into a dark pitt. It was heartbreaking to see, and ofcourse I did what I had to do: make it very clear that I wasn't going to abandon (she felt abandonned by a lot of people) her like he did, and I was going to support her and help get through this. If she needed me, I would be there for her and she could always use me as a shoulder to cry on. During that period she was very negative about herself, and I tried to show her that she wasn't awfull and overly emotional but a wonderfull girl (and she is, I wasn't making romantic avances, she really is wonderfull).

Now here's where the wierd part (to me) starts, 2 days ago she said to me how he super sweet he was acting to her, a few hours later she said (apperantly shocked) that he wanted her back. A few minutes after thát she said he was acting all awfull again (as usual) because he apperantly found that I was talking with her about the whole situation. He was acting selfish as usual, when he doesn't get what he wants he gets angry. However, the following day when she came online again, she was all happy and yay: she asked him to get back together again, and he accepted. This made me WTF majorly, and here's why. I asked her (pretty bluntly, but I was shocked) what she was still seeing in him after what he did to her, she said that she never loved him less during that period. I replied that I didn't understand that, still loving him even though all he did was hurting her. Then she basically said: I don't care about that. ...Lolwhut? The worst is, imo, that when I asked before that that I hoped it wouldn't end in tears again, she said that she wouldn't make a mistake like this another time. WRONG: she already did make this mistake a second time. This whole situation already happened a few weeks before this incident. You can say that I was very...VERY confused, and I still am.

So here are my questions:
First of all, I really don't understand why someone would not care about getting hurt by someone, and still wanting to be with that person. How can you just...ignore what's happened twice already and still want to stick with him.
Second of all, and this relates to me, why the hell am I being overlooked here? All she talked about is how he suddenly acted all sweet against her after they broke up, but what about what I did?! I stood ready to comfort and support her with her ordeal every second of the day, and suddenly that's less important than a douchebag begging for attention again?! I don't understand, why does he get the girl and why am I barely getting appreciated? Am I doing something wrong here?

Maybe he is a stud in the sack?

 

[dwightsteel]

Ok, this has been kind of a long time coming it seems. It's not entirely uncommon for a thread about romance to pop up. A lot of the time it's guys who just don't know how to get the girl. But that's ok. Romance is a tough subject to grasp. Anyway, I tend to post a lot in these threads, because this area happens to be my forte.

Before you think I'm just some guy who thinks he knows more then he does, here's my resume:
I'm what I like to call a "no so traditionally handsome" guy, but about mid-way through high school, I just started to understand the necessary concepts to "get the girl". For a little over a year, I've hosted a local radio program on the subject, and I've personally stepped in and helped 53 guys build up their game, in which 50 have either found meaningful relationships or it's helped them to...well I guess "go all the way" would be a good way of phrasing it. Most of the guys I've helped were like me, not traditionally handsome, but have boat loads of personality.

I can't promise to make anyone into the next great pickup artist, and honestly, that's not really what I'm trying to do. What I can promise, is that if you follow my advice, your chances will improve, and I'll help you do that without making your pretend to be someone you're not. Some advice may be outside your comfort zone, but 8 out of 10 times, shyness is the enemy we're trying to combat.

So if you have questions, or need advice, let me help you.

Genius man. I've read some of your advice and it looks promising. Gonna try some of it out where I work, I get alot of girls going to the nightclubs. I got a question, how do you approach a girl thats hanging out with a group of women?

One word. Wingman.

When girls are roaming in packs, they are like the phalanx defense in "300". Each girl contributing to the whole. When a guy comes in to pick one out, the rest are there to shut him out. But that is where your wingman comes in handy.

Your wingman needs to be extraverted. He needs to be able to go in, and make a splash in the group. Whether it's offering to buy a round or able to garner attention long enough for you to swing in and talk to the girl you're after. Packs spend their time either grouped on the dance floor, or looking out for each other. These packs are impressive because they sometimes seem eerily aware of their surroundings. The wingman's SOLE purpose is to divert this awareness away from their surroundings, and place it squarely on himself. Everyone has that friend who likes nothing better then to make an ass out of himself. He's usually your ideal candidate.

Understand, this advice isn't for people who can't start an "approach" (which is what I was trying to describe to the very first person who came to this thread).

 

[Flying-Emu]

I'm struggling not to point and laugh. Six words: "Can I buy you a drink/coffee." Intention made clear. Done.

I was shy. Then I decided to throw myself into situation anyway. Bang, problem solved. No gurus necessary.

I don't think you're worthy to have Superman as your avatar buddy, self-help gurus are for chumps.

You know, you don't have to be an ass about it.

 

[Cowabungaa]

Maybe he is a stud in the sack?

A I forgot about that: she's not the sexual type. She's a really emotional, romantic girl. She's a type who wants to cuddle and kiss romantically. He, simply said, is not. Not even remotely. He's a typical 'tough guy' racing around with his racing moped (you know, one of those things that look like a motorbike, but are just fast mopeds under the hood), absolutely not the romantic type. That's why I don't understand why they got together in the first place, he isn't even her type! I think she was just missing that feeling of warmth and security she lost when her first serious boyfriend dumped her for no apperant reason. I think that's why she's clining to him, but why the hell did she never see me as an option? I want the exact same thing as she wants: romance, love, comfort, security, etc. I'm confused.

 

[Helnurath]

Maybe he is a stud in the sack?

A I forgot about that: she's not the sexual type. She's a really emotional, romantic girl. She's a type who wants to cuddle and kiss romantically. He, simply said, is not. Not even remotely. He's a typical 'tough guy' racing around with his racing moped (you know, one of those things that look like a motorbike, but are just fast mopeds under the hood), absolutely not the romantic type. That's why I don't understand why they got together in the first place, he isn't even her type! I think she was just missing that feeling of warmth and security she lost when her first serious boyfriend dumped her for no apperant reason. I think that's why she's clining to him, but why the hell did she never see me as an option? I want the exact same thing as she wants: romance, love, comfort, security, etc. I'm confused.

So in other words, your still kids?

 

[Helnurath]

Ok, this has been kind of a long time coming it seems. It's not entirely uncommon for a thread about romance to pop up. A lot of the time it's guys who just don't know how to get the girl. But that's ok. Romance is a tough subject to grasp. Anyway, I tend to post a lot in these threads, because this area happens to be my forte.

Before you think I'm just some guy who thinks he knows more then he does, here's my resume:
I'm what I like to call a "no so traditionally handsome" guy, but about mid-way through high school, I just started to understand the necessary concepts to "get the girl". For a little over a year, I've hosted a local radio program on the subject, and I've personally stepped in and helped 53 guys build up their game, in which 50 have either found meaningful relationships or it's helped them to...well I guess "go all the way" would be a good way of phrasing it. Most of the guys I've helped were like me, not traditionally handsome, but have boat loads of personality.

I can't promise to make anyone into the next great pickup artist, and honestly, that's not really what I'm trying to do. What I can promise, is that if you follow my advice, your chances will improve, and I'll help you do that without making your pretend to be someone you're not. Some advice may be outside your comfort zone, but 8 out of 10 times, shyness is the enemy we're trying to combat.

So if you have questions, or need advice, let me help you.

Genius man. I've read some of your advice and it looks promising. Gonna try some of it out where I work, I get alot of girls going to the nightclubs. I got a question, how do you approach a girl thats hanging out with a group of women?

One word. Wingman.

When girls are roaming in packs, they are like the phalanx defense in "300". Each girl contributing to the whole. When a guy comes in to pick one out, the rest are there to shut him out. But that is where your wingman comes in handy.

Your wingman needs to be extraverted. He needs to be able to go in, and make a splash in the group. Whether it's offering to buy a round or able to garner attention long enough for you to swing in and talk to the girl you're after. Packs spend their time either grouped on the dance floor, or looking out for each other. These packs are impressive because they sometimes seem eerily aware of their surroundings. The wingman's SOLE purpose is to divert this awareness away from their surroundings, and place it squarely on himself. Everyone has that friend who likes nothing better then to make an ass out of himself. He's usually your ideal candidate.

Understand, this advice isn't for people who can't start an "approach" (which is what I was trying to describe to the very first person who came to this thread).

Now if only I had some guy friends. Would a lesbian count as a wingman?

 

[Nemo from Utopia]

ok maybe it depends where you live but theres loads of conventions in the UK. i dont tend to go to them but a friend of mine helps set them up (ie. works for a company that arranges them -- she actually looks after the celebs like elijah wood and the guy who played jaws in the james bond film) and my sister went to an anime one just a month ago.

 

[dwightsteel]

So here are my questions:
First of all, I really don't understand why someone would not care about getting hurt by someone, and still wanting to be with that person. How can you just...ignore what's happened twice already and still want to stick with him.
Second of all, and this relates to me, why the hell am I being overlooked here? All she talked about is how he suddenly acted all sweet against her after they broke up, but what about what I did?! I stood ready to comfort and support her with her ordeal every second of the day, and suddenly that's less important than a douchebag begging for attention again?! I don't understand, why does he get the girl and why am I barely getting appreciated? Am I doing something wrong here?

No. You're doing absolutely everything a good friend should do. She's suffering from what psychologists refer to as "Battered Wife" syndrome. This syndrome doesn't necessarily mean that he hits her, but he uses her, and devalues her self worth, making it seem like he's the only person who could ever be with her. Chances are, she's not exactly conscious of what's happening. She thinks this is par for the course, and that they have a strong emotional bond (which technically they do, albeit not a healthy one). Unfortunately, this isn't something that I can give you super solid advice about, suffice to say that you should talk to her family, and maybe a therapist. People who you can help to understand her situation, so you can come together and help her understand. This is NOT something you can deal with on your own.

 

[Major_Sam]

Maybe he is a stud in the sack?

A I forgot about that: she's not the sexual type. She's a really emotional, romantic girl. She's a type who wants to cuddle and kiss romantically. He, simply said, is not. Not even remotely. He's a typical 'tough guy' racing around with his racing moped (you know, one of those things that look like a motorbike, but are just fast mopeds under the hood), absolutely not the romantic type. That's why I don't understand why they got together in the first place, he isn't even her type! I think she was just missing that feeling of warmth and security she lost when her first serious boyfriend dumped her for no apperant reason. I think that's why she's clining to him, but why the hell did she never see me as an option? I want the exact same thing as she wants: romance, love, comfort, security, etc. I'm confused.

I know EXACTLY what you mean by being confused. I'm in the same boat as you. There are all these guys that are into what I like eg, gaming, sci-fi etc. But they never even considering me as a option. They go out with someone more easy I guess. I still don't get it though.

 

[Cowabungaa]

So in other words, your still kids?

Nah not really. It's the true kids around here that just care about sex and want to strut around acting all tough, in other words: that guy. Real romance is frowned upon and often called 'gay'. She's way more mature about the whole relationship thing than that boyfriend of hers. Heck she even told me before that he's acting like a kid who never had a serious relationship before. Then why would she still ask him back?

No. You're doing absolutely everything a good friend should do. She's suffering from what psychologists refer to as "Battered Wife" syndrome. This syndrome doesn't necessarily mean that he hits her, but he uses her, and devalues her self worth, making it seem like he's the only person who could ever be with her. Chances are, she's not exactly conscious of what's happening. She thinks this is par for the course, and that they have a strong emotional bond (which technically they do, albeit not a healthy one). Unfortunately, this isn't something that I can give you super solid advice about, suffice to say that you should talk to her family, and maybe a therapist. People who you can help to understand her situation, so you can come together and help her understand. This is NOT something you can deal with on your own.

Thanks, that explains it. Odd thing is though, she already acknowledged that he's far more immature about talking about feelings and everything that comes with having a serious relationship. She seems to be perfectly aware of what he's doing to her and repeatedly said to me that he shouldn't behave like that.
I'm giving that guy one more chance (hopefully 3 time's the charm), and if he fucks up again I'll definatly follow your advice. She deserves a lot better.

 

[Helnurath]

So in other words, your still kids?

Nah not really. It's the true kids around here that just care about sex and want to strut around acting all tough, in other words: that guy. Real romance is frowned upon and often called 'gay'. She's way more mature about the whole relationship thing than that boyfriend of hers. Heck she even told me before that he's acting like a kid who never had a serious relationship before. Then why would she still ask him back?

Boys do tend to mature a lot slower then girls around that age. Maybe you should suggest that she find someone older who could give her all of that?