No Mr Bond I expect you to die.

[LopezMeister]

I wouldn't bother with all that monologuing crap. As soon as I/my henchmen had worked out who he was, I'd kill him. With a gun or something. Not give him loads of chances to escape/fall into my trap again.

 

[shadowstriker86]

simple, perform surgery in his head, not damaging it at all, but connecting it to a door in my office that allows anyone that steps into it to control Mr. Bond's body for a set period of time. Why kill someone when you can turn them into John Malkovich?

 

[LeonLethality]

give him a stirred martini it is his one weakness its like kryptonite

 

[Aqualung]

I'd attach strings to his body and his lovers' body, and put on a puppet show reenactment of Moulin Rouge.

And yes. His lover will die by the end. And 'Bond' would be hit in the head with a typewriter repeatedly.

 

[The Great JT]

I'd strip him naked and put him in a completely smooth room with no doors or windows until he either dies or goes insane.

Reason for the nudity: He's always got some gadget up his sleeve. No sleeves, no gadgets.

 

[Chicago Ted]

I'd do what Ozymandias did...

 

[Fbuh]

I'd chain him to a book shelf that is set to explode and hide the key to the chain in one of the books. However, I'd put it in a book that either references a topic I brought up earlier or is the most obvious place to hide a key. Obviously, the bomb would be easy to tamper with, such that Mr. Bond could tamper with it in such a way as to ruin my plans. The bomb will also cause the release of atmospheric spores that will jam all electronic devices. After all, certain conventions must be upheld.

 

[Spitfire175]

I'd force mr. Bond to play Too Human for 1000 hours, no sleep, no food.

 

[rayman 101]

Since he's such a womanizer, I'd use the John Doe prostitute method from Se7en. I'd make my henchmen get the women most close to him and a couple of other attractive girls, and make bond kill them, in the same way the prostitute was killed in Se7en, until he goes completely mad and begs me for me to kill him..... And I just realized I'm a real sick fuck.

 

[Cherry Cola]

I'd disguise him as myself and me as Bond. Then I would put myself in my elaborate death trap consisting of a bomb planted inside a monkeys ass taped to my scrotum. I would then escape and Bond (still disguised as me) would die because the screenwriters mistake him for me. I then use my space-time-continuum-machine to transport myself into the real world and take over everything.

Then I would dip the writers fingers in gold and call myself "The man with goldfinger" and then I would have sex with Pussy Octopussy; 50% pussy, 50% octopus, 100% Russian dominatrix.

 

[Vespid Necro]

Why is everyone quoting Austin Powers?

OT: I would make him listen to Fuck Shit Piss in a room with screens all over and the volume loud as hell. Forever

 

[ben---neb]

I would force him to watch thirteen episodes of "One Tree Hill" without a break. Muuhahahaha! And then I would invite a group of teenage girls to giggle and scream at him for an entire day. And then I would put on a speech given by Gordon Brown. And then I would lightly tickle his testicles using a feather. And then I would subject him to the abject horror known only as..."Fred" AND THEN THE WORLD SHALL BE MINE! AND ALL WILL REJOICE!

"Do you expect me to talk?"

"Well, yes, actually I do."

 

[Valate_v1legacy]

lock him in a nuclear reactor no one could survive a spell in one of them 'cept maybe chuck norris

No, Gamma Radiation is the only thing able to take HIM out.

Ot: I would use a poison that has a painfully long delay, lock him onto a slowly lowering platform and take the antidote to my office, and turn the auto-turrets ON.

 

[D0WNT0WN]

Sharks With Lazers Attached To Their Heads.

 

[Spacelord]

Lower a platform into a pit full of zombies with buzzsaws for hands. Can he escape my dastardly diabolical death trap... of doom?! Stay tuned!

 

[johnman]

really i would just shoot him
as for crazy plan erm.... put a carnivourous earwig in his brain!!!

Hmm it tickles.

 

[epsilon246]

When I first saw the topic the first thing that came to mind was

Spoiler: this

And yeah, thats how I would kill him.

LMAO, me too.

hhave to say me too

 

[IxionIndustries]

A knife fight. With a gorilla.

And the gorilla has the knife.

I'd shove a lightning rod down his throat, connect him to my power generator, and put him on the roof.

Spoiler: I'll bloodrocute him!

 

[Lordmarkus]

I would lock him up in a room full of 12-year olds that only play CS and Halo 3. And yes, they all have anger management problems, of course.

 

[FalloutJack]

Allow me to get into character for this.

*Sudden transformation*

"Mwa ha ha haaa! The zombie virus I secretly planted has sent the world into chaos and now my android army will crush them all so that everyone will recognize my genius!"

Mr. Bond: I'm standing right here, you know.

"Yes, but you're in my prison cell and I am monologuing. It is classic."

Mr. Bond: You could've chosen a better place to do it in. This cell smells like poo-gas.

"Very well. You amuse me, Mr. Bond. Join me for dinner. I owe the man who infiltrated my stronghold in a Shawshank Redemption-like manner that much, at least."

*Switch over to a dinner scene not entirely unlike Dr. No*

"...and that is why I have unleashed such madness across the world."

Mr. Bond: Over a cheese snack? You're a looney.

"Is that so, Mr. Bond? Would a lunatic fill your delightful dinner with the zombie virus I have inflicted upon millions?!"

*Pause*

Mr. Bond: Yes.

"Oh, I see. Well, just so you know, there is no cure and you won't end up infecting me somehow. This is a cleverly-disguised android stand-in with a built-in storage tank for the food I just ate. Goodbye, Mr. Bond..."