Noobs say the funniest things

[Emilie Diabolica]

Just to set the scene, this particular instance was after a few weeks of watching my gaming-challenged sister painfully attempt to play Assassin's Creed.
Said sister perched on the armrest of my sofa, saying "Hey look at me! I'm ALKAIR!"
*facepalm*

That's just the freshest noob moment i've got in my mind from her....
I think she must be adopted..
>.>
<.<

 

[archvile93]

"Superman can fly?!"

God, sometimes I doubt my natural choice of friends

...Is your friend retarded?

3 words my good friends, 3 words.

FREE ARMOUR TRIMMING >
and wait for the masses of trades that come through.

Its so much fun doing that. And before I get banned I just hand the armor to a friend.

I would get noobs to follow me into the Wilderness. I told them that there's "rare armor and weapons" out there. When we get deep enough, I murder them.

Good times, good times... makes me want to play runescape to do this...

Actually, I think I will do this, for old times sake. I haven't played the game in years, wonder whats differant.

Is that people being noobs, or just you being an asshole.

 

[Space Spoons]

Funny you should mention Gen, he's my character of choice too. My favorite method of dealing with Ken users is waiting for them to inevitably whiff a fierce Shoryuken, then catch them with the Mantis Super into Crane Ultra combo as they land.

I love hearing noobs diss Gen. It makes destroying them much more satisfying.

Why would you use the crane ultra? If you use the Mantis ultra it's easier to juggle them and it does more damage.
You are using Gen and still making things harder for yourself, you crazy.

When I go for the SuperxUltra combo, the match is usually almost over. As soon as my Mantis super connects, the opponent's fate is sealed. If I were going for sheer efficiency, I could end it quick and clean with a Gekiro, or even a simple jab. I find it more fun, though, to show these young upstart Ken players that there are reasons to fear Gen, and reasons to avoid throwing out fierce Shoryukens mindlessly.

I go with the Crane ultra because I find it more visually striking. My opponent's health is usually low enough that I have the luxury of choice.

 

[Antiparticle]

This being the escapist, I can safely say there's no noobs here to flame this so here it goes.

Ahahahahaha. Hahahaha. Haaa. Sorry.

Yesterday I was playing Team Fortress 2 and fifteen minutes into the match some kid asks: "We're on red, right?". (And it was in 2Fort, not some map where the teams switch color every couple of minutes.) The kid was obviously new to the game, but still, having blue guys shooting at him for fifteen minutes should have been a clue..

 

[Irridium]

Is that people being noobs, or just you being an asshole.

I'll admit, it is mostly me being an asshole.

But when I can get a good amount of high leveled people who should know better to follow me to the end of the wilds while going in a straight line, they kind of have it coming.

As for the low levels, now because of me they know the dangers and won't go back unless their prepared.

And its not like we never got found out and died, that happened lots of times.

I remember this one time, after we got a level 60, he came back later with a group of 8 of his friends, and just destroyed us.

Good times, good times.

 

[Larmo]

Not really a noob moment but, i was playing L4D2 and joined a random versus game. Because i was the only girl there one of them began making jokes until he said "you know I'm you father right" to witch i replied "so you a gay, male, nurse". all his friends got a kick out of that and it shut him up for the rest of the game, so the end.

 

[Davey Woo]

In Modern Warfare 2, me and my friend Luke were playing Domination in the airport map. So there we were, playing away, when two little americans start screaming at each other. Calling each other a "fag" and whatnot. They both sounded pre-pubescent.

I interrupted and said "Hey guys, any chance we could quit bickering and... y'know, play the game? You're both sitting with your thumbs up yer arses and it's not helping us get anywhere here."
Boy 1: "HEY FAG DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
Boy 2: "YEAH ****** DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP!"
Me: "I'll do what I like. Perhaps unlike you, I wanna win this game so any chance you could not waste my time?"
Boy 2: "You can tell me what to do when your voice breaks."
Me: "And you can come back and say that to me when your voice breaks. My voice is never going to break so I'm not waiting 'til then to tell you two to shut the fuck up."
Boy 1: "YEAH YOUR VOICE WILL NEVER BREAK 'CUS YOU HAVE NO BALLS, FAG!"
Me: "Damn fucking right I have no balls and I'm glad I don't. Having tits is quite nice, thanks. Now any chance you could fucking shut up and play the game?"
Boy 1: "I'LL HACK YOUR FUCKING XBOX" /ragequit

the 2nd boy said nothing else for the rest of the game & his performance improved drastically.

Surprised they didn't spam friend requests and ask for pics.
I would have...

 

[MurderousToaster]

Also one from RuneScape.

"ZEZIMA IS MY MAIN" - Every noob ever.

 

[Communist partisan]

They are not fun yust boring.

 

[Korten12]

I had a noob hassling me on an MMO he was scamming with the usual
"I've been hacked and lost all my gear loan me some money please" crap no one ever falls for.

He followed me about for a while untill I went

"You know if you press Alt+F4 it brings up a hack menu for getting free items"
"Aww cool, thanks man!"
5 seconds later his avatar vanishes...problem solved

I get a private message about 5 minutes later
"I don't think it works, my game just closed and I tried twice?"

Sigh...

that is hilarious.

 

[Ryuk2]

..One of mine was back when I played Runescape years ago,...

This.
Ok, ok, I'm joking, no fish required.
One bad player called somebody ''AIDSNOOB'', because he stole his gun. I changed my nick to ''AIDSNOOB'' and every time he shouted that AIDSNOOB thing, i said ''Whaaaaat?'' Eh, good times.

 

[brumby]

Me and my clan in MW2 outfitted all riot shields for team death match.

Our whole team would create lines and just demolish the opposition every match, Everybody after each match would call us huge noobs and they can kick our asses. One particularly obnoxious kid started calling us derogatory words so we challenged his clan to a rematch. We won 7500-4500.

They left immediately.

Haha epic.. In Cod4 we beat a team using only pistols nades and knives. This was an official clan match on Cybergamer and at the end they disputed the results claiming hacks were used. Sent our recorded videos to a moderator who just lolled

 

[Dragonblade146]

From a hillbilly, everyone knows Great Britain is part of England are you stoopid?

I'm suprised the hillbilly knew tht great britain existed

I'm surprised he was able to put words into a barely understandable sentence

I'm completely unsurprised that he got them the wrong way round

Not all hillbillies are stupid.

 

[Dragonblade146]

yours probably takes the 100G achievement for best "noobz momentz"

but mine is something that happened to me in the odd place "real life"
Fake uitar girl: I am getting a custom made guitar, yippie *girl squeel*
me: Ok nice, what amp are you going to use
her: What's an amp?

facepalm, on her face

I have two custom made guitars. I do not however have an amp. Not everyone plays electrified.

Yes but almsot all guitarists knows what an amp is.
Actually I would think most people do.
An AMP, is something of common knowledge.
Its like asking an electric guitar player if they know what Peavey Amps are.
And they say they never heard of Peavey.
Its just worthy of a facepalm.

 

[Jammerz]

My brother was signed into MSN on his Xbox watching a video, So I signed into it, changed my screen name to "Achievement Unlocked" and sent him a message saying "Video Watcher 100G" and he jumped out of his bed ran downstairs and told me and asked me why I was smiling and I showerd him the convosation and he got so mad.

Can you call that a n00b moment?

 

[Dragonblade146]

Well this one time, some guy made a stupid thread about things noobs say on The Escapist, not even realizing how much of an annoying elitist it made him sound.

Poor guy......wonder whatever happened to him...

Hey, look I have 2000 posts so my opinion counts. I'm going to write on a thread the most irreverent post ever! *thumps up*

I like to think everyone's opinion counts here, regardless of post count. Post count is really only useful so we know who to watch for trolling.

Well, that's what I use it for anyway. Every new person is a potential troll in my eyes until they prove otherwise by making good posts.

I completely and utterly disagree with that, I may have been on the esapist for alittle more than a year, not long compared to most people, but I rarely post. I generally like to read and collect badges, (Yes. I'm a badge/acheivment whore.), but when i post I generally put good thought into my response and don't just troll around. I just need to get better at my English grammer.

 

[DuplicateValue]

Well this one time, some guy made a stupid thread about things noobs say on The Escapist, not even realizing how much of an annoying elitist it made him sound.

Poor guy......wonder whatever happened to him...

Hey, look I have 2000 posts so my opinion counts. I'm going to write on a thread the most irreverent post ever! *thumps up*

I like to think everyone's opinion counts here, regardless of post count. Post count is really only useful so we know who to watch for trolling.

Well, that's what I use it for anyway. Every new person is a potential troll in my eyes until they prove otherwise by making good posts.

I completely and utterly disagree with that, I may have been on the esapist for alittle more than a year, not long compared to most people, but I rarely post. I generally like to read and collect badges, (Yes. I'm a badge/acheivment whore.), but when i post I generally put good thought into my response and don't just troll around. I just need to get better at my English grammer.

Actually, you've been here much longer than I have, and as you said, you put good thought into your posts. So you're obviously not a troll (they tend to get rooted out before 20 or so posts anyway).

Also, your English grammar is more or less perfect - I don't see why you need to improve. =]

 

[Handofpwn]

This is obviously a joke but im gonna say it anyways because it was me that said it (as a joke in wow).

"Where is azeroth?"

 

[Scorch_Phoenix]

Playing L4D2 versus as the survivors. I was playing with some jack asses who thought they were good (they were horrible btw) but they had mic's and were talking to each other (they were obviously friends irl). Anyway, since L4D2 is all about teamwork and all I busted my ass getting these idiots out of trouble. Then when we were around half way through the map, a smoker got me, and those morons abandoned me (I was in the middle of the pack and all). But here comes the funny part, some noob on the other team spawns as a boomer and instead of puking over me he comes and bashes me.

Now I'm not sure if you've played L4D2 but when an infected or a survivor bashes a smokers tounge, it instantly releases the victim. So I got released, bashed the boomer away and shot them both. Then I made my way after my retarded teammates and 2 of them were incapacitated and the last one was dead, lol. Needless to say I just ran right past and got a little further before I was inevitably huntered.