Pick-up lines

[TheSteeleStrap]

Ok so here are some bad ones that I wouldn't actually use on a woman...

"You know how they say guys' brains are in their pants? Well why don't you blow my mind?"
"If your left leg is Christmas and your right leg is New Year's, can I visit between the holidays?"
"You know what would look great on you? Me!"
"Oh sorry! I thought that was a brail nametag!"
"(Put your hand on the closer of the woman's shoulder)If you were a pirate, would you keep your parrot on this shoulder, or this one?(Move your hand to the other shoulder, a really weird way to get your arm around her.)"

When I am talking to a girl I am just straight forward and honest and it works for me. I could tell you about a few times it's worked really well.

 

[riftinducer]

Go up to random girls and yell "INTERCOURSE!"
If you need more subtlety, "FOREPLAY, THEN INTERCOURSE!"
Bonus points for anyone who guesses the show.

 

[bulletproof12]

cant believe no one has said these
"my love for you is like diarohea, i just cant hold it in"
"your eyes are even bluer then the water in my toilet"

and the most creative awesome lines
"i have a huge penguin...i just wanted to break the ice"

 

[smallharmlesskitten]

to two chicks- i dont want to come between you, or do i? - classic quagmire
if i bit my lip would you kiss it better
I AM TOMMY COSGROVE AND YOU WILL TASTE MY MACHINE GUN OF LOVE!!- very funny when yelled to drunk chicks

 

[KrAcKhEaD217]

<-- Thats the best one i got

What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper!


There are 206 bones in the human body.
...Want another one?

"have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?"
"no"
*pull out pockets* "you want to?"

all of these have been blatently stolen

 

[TomNook]

If it hasn't already been said



Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

 

[kitkatalice]

for all you computer geeks. "Hope your hard drive can handle my ram"

 

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

On a slightly related note, best pick-up line rejecting ever:

Man: Hey want to play carpenter? That's where we get hammered, and I nail you!

Woman: Too bad you didn't bring enough wood.

And this was involving Harlan Ellison:

HE: What would you say to a little fuck?

Woman: I would say, "Hello, little fuck."

 

[TheSteeleStrap]

Here's another one not to say:

"Hey you look like my next girlfriend." because she'll say something like "So do you."
(Hasn't happened to me but I've heard it before.)

 

[redstar alpha]

ironically i got told one today

that is not ironic

any way here is my stab at it

me:did it hurt?
girl:did what hurt?
me:when you fell out the sexys tree
(this one only seems to work on ugly chicks)

and one that will get you steriliased very quickly

me:hae you ever been spanked by a nerd in a robe with a keyboard?
girl:no
me:well tonights your lucky night(goodbye testicles)

 

[Anarchemitis]

"I call shotgun."

 

[Galaxy613]

"You must be tried because you have been running around in my head alllll night.



Screaming."

 

[redstar alpha]

my personal favourite for when you are stood beside a girl(or man) and there is some big argument going on in front of you.

me(turning to girl):so,what do you think of the stock market?

works desturbingly well

 

[qbert4ever]

Two of my favorites:

"I have a 9 inch tongue and can breathe through my ears"

"Nice legs, what time do they open?"

Sadly, nether have fielded any true results, but I keep on trucking.

 

[Calobi]

I work graveyard so iv heard a lot but the most memorable, and eww, was when a guy came up to the desk with a box of condoms threw them down on the bench, looked up at me and said "how about it?"

Sorry about that. Seemed less gross in my head.

Anyways...Walk up to the person all shy-like, say to them (while not making eye contact) "There's something I want to get off my chest...(make eye contact)my shirt." I haven't tried it but it probably (read-in: definitely) works best if you're female (to whom I think most any of these would work, save maybe the rake one...).

 

[Irrok the Wide]

I came up with this one..

Have you ever tasered anyone..??
No.
Wanna go out?


Inspired by...

If you were raped in the woods. Would you tell anyone?

 

[Epicurus]

"Hey baby, you're the sexiest thing since sliced bread."

"Did someone call for an astronomer? Because you've got a heavenly body."

These are awful, I've only ever used them in joking situations to prevent premature removal of genitals.

 

[ffxfriek]

ok this is my teachers friends whom happens to be married. Weird. You got more legs than a bucket of chicken