Poll: Is treating women in Gentlemanly way Sexist?

[Kouen]

Most things can be twisted to be racist or sexist.

I'm a gentleman regardless and if the woman I am offering a polite gesture to cant take that as just being polite they can f-off in my opinion.

There is nothing wrong with a little manors and in fact (sounding old here) I think some (not all) of the younger generation could learn a thing or two about manors.

I'd love to learn about manors. Especially old English Manors. Some of the architecture that went into those is truly breathtaking.

Dammit Guppy, you beat me to it.

Sorry Somewhat dyslexic, Correcting my post now.

Thank you for pointing out my mistake however.

 

[tensorproduct]

Most things can be twisted to be racist or sexist.

I'm a gentleman regardless and if the woman I am offering a polite gesture to cant take that as just being polite they can f-off in my opinion.

There is nothing wrong with a little manors and in fact (sounding old here) I think some (not all) of the younger generation could learn a thing or two about manors.

I'd love to learn about manors. Especially old English Manors. Some of the architecture that went into those is truly breathtaking.

Dammit Guppy, you beat me to it.

Sorry Somewhat dyslexic, Correcting my post now.

Thank you for pointing out my mistake however.

Sorry to make fun dude, but it was too apt to this discussion to ignore.

 

[Kouen]

Most things can be twisted to be racist or sexist.

I'm a gentleman regardless and if the woman I am offering a polite gesture to cant take that as just being polite they can f-off in my opinion.

There is nothing wrong with a little manors and in fact (sounding old here) I think some (not all) of the younger generation could learn a thing or two about manors.

I'd love to learn about manors. Especially old English Manors. Some of the architecture that went into those is truly breathtaking.

Dammit Guppy, you beat me to it.

Sorry Somewhat dyslexic, Correcting my post now.

Thank you for pointing out my mistake however.

Sorry to make fun dude, but it was too apt to this discussion to ignore.

Oh no its fine, I have a sense of humour too

 

[A Raging Emo]

Nope, but I treat everyone in a gentlemanly fashion, not just women.

This has backfired in occasion, though. I was walking into a shop near where I live, and there was a woman behind me with two children. I held the door open for her, just as I would have for anyone, and she then had a huge go at me for being sexist towards her, and that she can do it herself. She claimed that she manages to raise those two by herself, she doesn't need a man to do anything for her; she is completely independent!

I was fourteen years old at the time.

 

[Cheesus333]

I never got this double standard in particular. The implication being that you shouldn't hold doors for guys?
Fuck that. Doors are difficult and confusing. Hold them for everyone.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I never got this double standard in particular. The implication being that you shouldn't hold doors for guys?

Fuck that. Doors are difficult and confusing. Hold them for everyone.

I'm sort of under the impression he goes to special lengths to hold doors for women, not that he's letting doors slam in the face of men. Realistically, unless you're a complete boor, you should be holding doors for everyone if they're right behind you.

 

[spartan231490]

So, afew people on here have called me sexist. What for? For suggesting that men treat women in a gentlemanly manner. Now, I can see that too a certain extent, like the whole "The world is unsafe for women, So I will keep you away from the world" style of gentleman-re IS sexist. However, what I was refering too was holding the door open for a women, pulling out her chair for her, offering her your jacket if it is cold, things like that. THAT is what I fail to see as being sexist.

So escapist, does the fact I want to be a gentleman make me sexist?

Of course it is, you are treating women differently than you treat men, that's the definition of sexist.

 

[White-Death]

Not unless you have a sense of entitlement (beyond maybe getting a "thank you," that is) about it.

That said, I'd argue that she should say "thank you" if you do that.

Sir, I say no to that!

One should act gentlemanly for the sake of being gentlemanly.

Otherwise we'd be no different from the gutter trash.

*sips tea*

Quite.

Is that PG Tips you're sipping? Yorkshire Gold, perhaps? Or have you gone oriental, and it's green tea?

I'm in a PG mood today.

I may have some Twining's Earl Grey later.

I have slowly grown away from Twining's Earl Grey,they started shoving chemicals & flavoring into it.Ahmad Tea makes truly exceptional Earl Grey,No chemicals, all natural, all deliciousness.If you want to pinch Pennies, go For Lord Nelson Earl Grey, cheap, natural, all awesome.Also try it with tea biscuits with a little Philadelphia cream cheese on them, deliciousness galore.
*Ahem* back on topic, I treat everyone equally, it's a mix of Gentlemanly & Shy, introverted antisocial quiet type.

 

[Kouen]

Nope, but I treat everyone in a gentlemanly fashion, not just women.

This has backfired in occasion, though. I was walking into a shop near where I live, and there was a woman behind me with two children. I held the door open for her, just as I would have for anyone, and she then had a huge go at me for being sexist towards her, and that she can do it herself. She claimed that she manages to raise those two by herself, she doesn't need a man to do anything for her; she is completely independent!

I was fourteen years old at the time.

That is when I would have slapped her and told her to get off her high horse, but that's just me

But however don't get me wrong if it was a dude it would have been a knuckle sandwich instead xD

 

[Da Orky Man]

If class has become sexist, then I am becoming a misanthrope.

People need to lighten the hell up and enjoy life.

Well people could just not be sexist, but apparently it's easier to defend it with cop outs than change.

Because I can't be nice to one gender without hating the other apparently.

*rolls eyes*

How very odd. I didn't say anything about hating.

But it's really really basic. You treat one gender differently than another. That's discrimination. Discrimination based on gender is...? Starts with an S if that helps.

Treating men differently, but not worse, is wrong to you apparently? I can treat people like gender neutral mannequins if that makes you sleep better at night.

Better and worse are empty words in regards to this.

Discrimination is based on it being different. I didn't say it was right or wrong. But hey, if you thinks sexism is right you could at least admit it. You're for treating people differently based on their gender. That's sexist. If you feel so strongly don't run away from admitting what you support.

Makes me feel better at night? Huh. I didn't say any such thing. I wonder why people like you make those kinds of diversions. It was about whether it was sexist or not, not about me. Is there some reason you're evading the issue with that crap about me?

Good god man, are you an android?

No, just being reasonable.

Not all sexism is bad. Some sexism is.

No, I'm pretty sure all of it is bad.

I am not "for sexism". I am not evading anything. I treat people differently depending on the situation, sometimes gender (like all human beings).

Okay, you're just cool with some sexism then. And you certainly are evading, you're throwing out pointless trash about me personally.

The thing is gender is simply not relevant to the situation in how to treat people unless we're talking about, say, trying to get into a relationship with them or anatomy. Social behaviors towards all members of a specific gender don't really fit in either category.

Yet I am trying to understand why you think this is a bad idea for some reason.

Because it is warrantless discrimination.

So, we're supposed to treat both genders completely equal, right? It doesn't tend to work that way in the real world. You nipple-twist a male, it hurts like hell. You nipple-twist a female, you get sexual harassment charges.

 

[manic_depressive13]

But why would you only do it for women? Why not be a gentleman to everyone? Any behaviour that encourages discrimination between genders merely breeds more damaging sexist attitudes. Stuff like "Women want equal pay yet they still expect the men to foot the bill!" You might feel like you're being a gentleman by paying for lunch or pulling out a chair for a woman but you're merely fueling sexist gender roles.

You're extrapolating wildly though, operating on the presumption that A necessarily leads to B. And I would argue that it's more likely a by-product of courtship behavior than gender role reinforcement.

Whatever the case, "Sexist" is a powerful label, and I think we need to be careful how we apply it, even colloquially. Distilling it down to something as basic as "distinguishing between men and women" seems a little silly, on the face. I think the English language is flexible enough that we can come up with descriptors for that behavior that are more appropriate...and less emotionally loaded...than "sexism".

I don't know what you want me to say. I consider it sexist when people exceed the realms of common courtesy and start to treat me a certain way because of my gender. It makes me feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. It's as if I am my gender first and an individual second. If other women like it when you treat them like that, good for them and good for you.

 

[somonels]

/*me hungry and confused
Yes, you sexist pig, because you would not treat another man like that. Why? Because he's a man. Sexist. You are looking for a girlfriend? Sexist! Is a man not good enough?
On the flipside, women expecting to be treated as such are also sexist. Better treatment because of boobies! When was the last time men wanted to be treated better? Can't remember, we must be treated really well then... hmm...

/*me still hungry, less confused
Usually acting like that means you are trying to get into their pants gain their favor. You know it, they should know it.

 

[laggyteabag]

No, im polite to everybody (Unless its my greatest nemesis), be they male, female, or somewhere in between.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I don't know what you want me to say. I consider it sexist when people exceed the realms of common courtesy and start to treat me a certain way because of my gender. It makes me feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. It's as if I am my gender first and an individual second. If other women like it when you treat them like that, good for them and good for you.

I hold the door open for everyone, I just consider it polite. We're talking in hypotheticals here. It's the OP who specifically seeks out opportunities to be a "gentleman".

If I held the door open for you, would you presume I was doing it because of your gender?

 

[Dastardly]

So, afew people on here have called me sexist. What for? For suggesting that men treat women in a gentlemanly manner. Now, I can see that too a certain extent, like the whole "The world is unsafe for women, So I will keep you away from the world" style of gentleman-re IS sexist. However, what I was refering too was holding the door open for a women, pulling out her chair for her, offering her your jacket if it is cold, things like that. THAT is what I fail to see as being sexist.

So escapist, does the fact I want to be a gentleman make me sexist?

If you define "gentlemanly" as "in a way that exceptionalizes women," I'd say yes. If you just mean being especially polite, honest, or other good character qualities, and it's toward everyone, no.

What's more, if you're being gentlemanly for the purposes of looking like a gentleman, it might not be "sexist," but it is manipulative. Are you only doing it for pretty ladies? Only for ladies you know, or will possibly see again? Are you doing it for other girls, but only in front of ladies you'd like to impress?

I'm not asking these questions, by the way. I'm saying these are the questions you should ask yourself, and only ever answer to yourself. We can't judge your motives.

 

[Freechoice]

Nope.

Because I act like a gentleman towards everyone.


I'm classy like that.

With your top hat and cane and your pocketful of miracles.

 

[JasonKaotic]

Depends what you mean. The people who rain hell on anyone that doesn't treat women as gods are by far sexist, but there's nothing wrong with just being nice.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I don't know what you want me to say. I consider it sexist when people exceed the realms of common courtesy and start to treat me a certain way because of my gender. It makes me feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. It's as if I am my gender first and an individual second. If other women like it when you treat them like that, good for them and good for you.

I hold the door open for everyone, I just consider it polite. We're talking in hypotheticals here. It's the OP who specifically seeks out opportunities to be a "gentleman".

If I held the door open for you, would you presume I was doing it because of your gender?

Of course not. You're meant to hold doors open for people. If, however, someone is far enough infront of me that it would make sense for them to go through first, but instead they stop to hold the door open, causing inevitable awkwardness because I stop since I expect them to just go through like a normal person, but then they say "ladies first", and I realise that they're standing there waiting for me so I have to dart through the door to avoid holding them up any longer. That's fucking annoying.

I'm not paranoid. I don't assume someone is being sexist unless they admit it. Like swearing and then saying "Oh sorry! I didn't realise there was a lady around!" and subsequently making a conscious effort not to swear. It's completely unecessary and makes me feel bad, like I'm inconveniencing people just be existing.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Of course not. You're meant to hold doors open for people. If, however, someone is far enough in front of me that it would make sense for them to go through first, but instead they stop to hold the door open, causing inevitable awkwardness because I stop since I expect them to just go through like a normal person, but then they say "ladies first", and I realise that they're standing there waiting for me so I have to dart through the door to avoid holding them up any longer. That's fucking annoying.

I'm not paranoid. I don't assume someone is being sexist unless they admit it. Like swearing and then saying "Oh sorry! I didn't realise there was a lady around!" and subsequently making a conscious effort not to swear. It's completely unecessary and makes me feel bad, like I'm inconveniencing people just be existing.

Heh...fair enough, although I'd be tempted to say in both those cases the true crime is impossible social awkwardness. I don't think anyone alive has enough dapper to pull off saying "ladies first" without sounding like a complete chode.