Poll: Looking for real advice not moral zealots

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VitalSigns

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May 20, 2009
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Propagandasaurus said:
VitalSigns said:
Both girls are on birth control.
Heh. Ok, fuck the rest of the advice (including my own on previous post) here since you're going to do whatever you want. You're that kind of guy, duh. That's how you got in this situation in the first place.

But please, please, DO NOT trust that the chicks you're sticking it to are actually on birth control. Wrap that shit up before you do the deed.
Well i have lived with my fiancee for long enough to know that she is on it. as for the other girl being involved that prompts me to definitely use a condom, and no this isn't happening for sure, even though I argue the advice I am considering all of it.
 

VitalSigns

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May 20, 2009
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chefassassin2 said:
I have no personal basis for answering this, but I do have experience from others. I read the question, and since it's a slow day here in the kitchen, chatted up my fellow cooking types. General consensus, with the exception of 1- No, don't do it. Out of the 5 guys talking, 4 of them were in a situation similar. They thought, along with their respective spouses/girlfriends, that it would be awesome, like a porn flick where everything looks and feels cool and awesome. Apparently it was not. It was either awkward, people's feelings were hurt due to jealousy that they were not aware existed beforehand, and in the case of 1 open-minded cook and his apparently very open-minded wife, a divorce came out of it because the other woman had feelings that she apparently said were under control. The woman interfered so much by calling and basically turning into a crazy person that his wife couldn't take it and bailed.
Now, the one exception. My prep cook said he had a threesome about a year ago, but it was his girlfriend and a woman they met at a club. He said it was awesome, but also that he knew he would never see the other woman again, so he went for it.
Take from this what you will. I say do what you want, I don't know all the details of you, your fiance, or the friend. If you're sure nothing bad will caome of it, do it and I'll raise a glass to you. If you decide not to, I will raise a glass regardless.
I admire your wise words, your like the father I never had.
 

Ancientgamer

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Jan 16, 2009
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The thing is, how can I be sure that this will ruin anything? also the other girl (Shouldve mentioned this) said that any feelings she has are under control and she would not let them become a problem.
No, she does not. Even if you or her convince yourself of this, feelings aren't that easy to control. I'm not saying you'll lose your mind in a wave of passion. But it's going to wittle at your brain. Especially if you share romantic feelings. If you want a threesome so bad, get a hooker who's willing to do it. But don't ruin your life over something as ephemeral as a brief sexual encounter. And Don't think with your dick!. Think with your head.
 
Jun 13, 2009
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All I can say is; If there is a genuine risk of causing a break up between you and your fiance, call it off. It's just not worth wrecking a long standing relationship.

If you're 100% sure that there isn't a risk and that it will all stay as it is, except you'll have a few more fun memories, there shouldn't be a problem.

It's that 100% bit that's the catch ;)
 

aakibar

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Apr 14, 2009
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garacius said:
Gonna be sticking with the crowd and saying best not too. My own morality alone says no, but since you want more then that, here goes.

If the other girl was simply a good friend, then it could be plausible too do so without any major repurcussions, however, because she does have true (I hope) feelings of love towards you, it's probable best too avoid the complications that could stem from it. In my marginal studies, do realize that sex actually means more too a woman simply because, quite bluntly, women have babies, men don't. This isn't too say there is any intention or possibly even chance of a pregnancy, but my point is simply that you need too consider that it will mean more too her then she may let on.

Final words of advice? Talk too your fiance about your feelings towards the other girl, as well as her feelings towards you.
as cliched as this sounds communication is key especially at a time like this
 

GrinningManiac

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Jun 11, 2009
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Actually, thinking about it, this could be good.

Please understand this is all theoretical:

If the threesome created struggles, it could help you decide if you really wanted to marry this girl (that is the point of engagement, as a kind of Beta for marriage) So if she gets jelous or awkward after something she said was cool, that's an alarm bell. whereas if you see you have really deep feelings for the other girl, you could weigh that factor in too.

Plus, you get a threesome out of it, go for it
 

AnGeL.SLayer

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Oct 8, 2007
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the question is, what do you do when she wants to bring a guy in? i can tell you if you do this, the next withh be a 3some with be 2guys one girl. not to mention in the first place that it could be a female mind trap.

i say you talk to THEM about it. let them read what you posted and see what you all have to say. if your not willing to do that then its not a good idea to go through with it at all.


^_^
 

dontworryaboutit

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May 18, 2009
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Internet Kraken said:
Oh yeah.

Go ahead and jeopardize your marriage over a sexual experience that will most likely be awkward and embarrassing.
Someone is going to end up getting left out.
 

Lord_Panzer

Impractically practical
Feb 6, 2009
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While I personally think your third-wheel has too much of an emotional investment in you, if you really think she's got her head on straight then give 'er (see: them) the beans.

Either way, good luck pal!
 

Thyunda

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May 4, 2009
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Night of awesomeness vs life of torment.


I know what I'd choose.

And before you all report me or try to kill me for being intolerant, I'm not the sort to like the idea of marriage. It's too Christian a tradition for my liking. Especially the banning of bigamy. I mean, why is that illegal? Honestly....
 

VitalSigns

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May 20, 2009
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Tenmar said:
Okay OP I'm only going to say this once.

Man up. You don't need an internet forum to decide what you want to do in your life. There are certain questions that are perfectly fine to ask in a video game forum like consumer related questions or technology related questions. But asking about a menage-a-trois?

You are already old enough and should be able to write down the pros and cons of the before and after effect of if you did and did not get that threesome.

Make your own decisions on the important matters and if you do have to ask anyone an internet forum is not the place to go. Go to your family, mentors, and friends that you can meet in person to help you make that pro and con list.

Just remember you have no one to blame but yourself if anything bad happens just because you took the advice of a video game internet forum.

P.S. I don't even care if your wife is cool with it or you are cool with it. You need to look at the situation and logically decide what effect it can have on you and your life.
Haha, this was more or less seeing what people think of the idea and for discussion purposes then seeking concrete advice that will make my mind up for me. Having other peoples opinions can really help someone make more of a choice.
 

Panken

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May 23, 2009
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VitalSigns said:
-Any guy with a libido would want this to happen.
You are right. Anyone would want this to happen, but there are a few things. When a girl has sex with someone their body releases a chemical that mentally attaches them to that person. That is why girls get so hurt for not calling them the day after. Believe me, I would love to have a 3 some but since this girl has romantic feelings for you I would not chance it. If you and your girlfriend are that open minded then I would suggest finding someone else.
 

VitalSigns

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May 20, 2009
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Thyunda said:
Night of awesomeness vs life of torment.


I know what I'd choose.

And before you all report me or try to kill me for being intolerant, I'm not the sort to like the idea of marriage. It's too Christian a tradition for my liking. Especially the banning of bigamy. I mean, why is that illegal? Honestly....
Life of Torment? even if my fiancee left me today for no reason I wouldn't live a "Life of Torment" I do love her, but if something happened between us and caused us to split i'm not going to hate the rest of my life.
 

Weaver

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Apr 28, 2008
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Jeeze you're life must be tough. I can't even get a date and you're in a moral dilemma of whether to sleep with one girl or two. Really, objective morality doesn't exist, just do what will make you happy. If you don't think it will make you happy, or are unsure, don't do it providing you're currently happy. If you're not currently happy then you don't have any happiness to lose. If you're trying to get MORE happiness then you have to judge if you're being too greedy. At some point you have to say you're happy with what you have, where will you draw the line?
 

Uncompetative

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Jul 2, 2008
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VitalSigns said:
Uncompetative said:
No moral zealots, eh? Well you certainly won't want to hear what I have to say...

You have a fiancee. Therefore you are engaged. The whole point of an engagement is to see if you can be faithful and monogamous.

No exceptions. No girlfriend-is-okay-with-it loopholes.

She isn't your girlfriend.

Comprehend?

Now, as a matter of fact I am not a moral zealot. In fact, I have no morals at all. I am an Atheist and I don't believe in anything. However, it really irritates me that jerks like you wank off about 'getting married', expecting everyone around you to be in awe of how grown-up you are to enter a sacred covenant under the eyes of the Lord when in fact you can't even keep it in your pants during the engagement.

By the way, the girl that wants to get involved in a threesome with your fiancee could be either:

- trying to get her foot-in-the-door-before-it-closes and set herself up as your mistress

or:

- trying to get off with your fiancee, who knows you may find yourself kicked out of bed as they seriously get down to it

With any luck the condoms you use will break and they'll both turn up pregnant.
My Fiancee wants to be in a threesome. Both girls are on birth control. I believe sex when you are in love is far better, but sex also has a place outside of love. I would never cheat on my fiancee I do love her. She wants to do this just as much as I do. Believe it or not women have sexual thoughts. Also I know for a fact that the other girl is not looking to just screw around with my fiancee. Not everything is so Black and White, From what i've been told everyone involved is just taking it for what it is, one crazy night.
You are cheating on God.

Go ahead with the sexual adventure you so desperately want permission to have, but don't get married. Your attitude renders it meaningless.
 

Coldsnap

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Oct 24, 2008
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Tenmar said:
Okay OP I'm only going to say this once.
snip
What's wrong with getting advice and perspective from those who may have had experience with this situation or getting some perfectly valid viewpoints that he may have not considered?

Obviously he is going to make the decision and deal with the consequences no matter what.