Poll: Should parents have to pay back their kids

[Jaime_Wolf]

When someone borrows money, they pay the person back. If I borrow cash from my dad I have to at least give him change, but I try to back him back full.

Well recently I started cutting grass to have some extra cash and not have to rely on him all the time to do things like go to concerts, movies or baseball games.

Sometimes he wants to borrow cash so he doesn't have to go to the bank or ATM. I owe him for life basically and he'll write an IOU. He's very good at getting me my money, but if he's late I really don't mind.

My mom on the other hand, who is just a stay at home mom, will sometimes just take money from me and not tell me. Sometimes she just goes out of her way to avoid paying me back.

Sometimes I'll read topics on here where people will say "Their house, their rules" but does that apply in all situations.

TL;DR

If a parent borrows cash from their kid, should they pay them back?

I came into this thread expecting substantial bullshit and whining.

Instead, I actually agree with you. If you're earning it and your father clearly thinks it's appropriate to pay you back, then it seems strange for your mother not to do the same. That said, have you tried the obvious and actually talked to your mom? Failing that, you might talk to your dad, since there seems to be some dissonance in their feelings about the subject and he seems to already understand where you're coming from.

Also, the "she's stealing from you" responses are a little more like the sort of melodrama I had expected.

 

[Susan Arendt]

Hmmm....tricky situation. I'm definitely not down with your mom just taking money without telling you, but what is she using it for? If it's stuff like groceries, then it's going back to you, and you're helping contribute to the household, which is a good thing. If it's to get her nails done, then that's bullshit.

 

[DuelLadyS]

I'm not buying the 'but your parents raised you' argument either. I find it highly unlikely every single person making that argument has written their folks a check for $100,000+ to cover their 'raising expenses'.

Firstly, hide your money, and hide it well. I recommend checking around your room for any sort of object with a discreet hollow space you can reach easily that your mom won't find. Curtain valances/hems, or ports on old game systems are good options (Got a old PS2? Great big empty spot where the HDD would attach.) Secondly, sit down with your mom. Tell her you know she's been nabbing your money. You're not gonna hold her to it, but in the future you want her to just ask if she needs help with the important things like food, gas, etc. and you'll pitch in if you have it. Finally, feel free to lie about how much money you actually have on hand... I know it's very, very hard to tell your folks 'no', but you aren't their ATM. The whole point of you earning your own money is so they can stop spending theirs on you- it's entirely purpose defeating if they take it.

 

[BringBackBuck]

How much do you pay your parents for rent, food, & utilities each week?

Ya im not sure how that justifies his mom stealing his money.

I agree it certainly doesn't justify any theft. I wasn't actually trying to imply that.

I think the issue is financial independence. Once you are 16 (maybe 18 depending on where you live) your parents can tell you to fuck off and get out of their house, from this point if you earn an income but do not contribute to accommodation, food, utilities, than it is not surprising that your parents feel like you should be chipping in and "borrow" money from you. Obviously taking money without telling you and avoiding paying it back is a shitty way of doing it.

My suggestion to the OP would be to formalise his contribution to the household by paying board. This would create financial independence rather than his current attitude of "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" which leads to his parents thinking they can take money from him.

 

[Master_of_Oldskool]

1)This is not just wrong, it's criminal. Demand your money back.

2)Nice Richard Feynman avatar.

 

[Skratt]

Just do a better job of hiding your money. I suspect there are problems between her and your old man. You aren't getting your money back, some parents are just dicks to their kids for really strange reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. She feel's entitled to your money for whatever reason.

 

[Killertje]

Your mother sounds like a thief. She should ask to borrow money and if she really needs it and you aren't there she should let you know as soon as you get back. Also it's up to YOU when she has to pay you back (within reason ofcourse), not up to her.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well it all depends on what kind of family you have, I have seen cutthroat families tear themselves apart on every single penny someone is owed(fucking gruesome).

But if you apply some human decency, you should realize that your parents share all they have with you and it shouldn't be a problem for you to share with them, sometimes they are in a pinch just like you and need some help.
Ofcourse communication is key, if they need something you should be informed, and if you want something let them know also, don't go building walls in your bloody family.

 

[Estocavio]

TL;DR

If a parent borrows cash from their kid, should they pay them back?

Yes.

Sure, you may "Owe them for being alive", but by that logic, you should be their uncomplaining house slave. My view is that if they borrow something off of their child, they are obliged to repay it.

Otherwise, do what anyone else will do. Politely ask for more time, or a waiver. And if the child sees fit by the afore mentioned logic, then all the better to everyone.

But, a parent should not simply expect to not have to pay something back simply because theyve already given them a life.

 

[Mouse_Crouse]

I suggest you hide your money better so your mom cannot steal it. This would force her to ask you for it, or for her to simply go without. To be honest, it is rather disturbing your own mother is stealing from you. Due to your mother stealing from you, it is in your best interest to become independent of them as soon as you can. That will require money, so you really don't need other people taking it from you.

Pretty much this, borrowing is one thing. But this is outright theft (from what you have told us) and seems shady at best. Is she allowed to do this? As far as I know yes. But it is still morally wrong IMO. Keep your money in a safer place. Open your own bank account if you have to. If that's not feasible find some way to keep it safer. She may still need the money but this way she will have to come forward with WHY. And to me that's 90% of the issue here. If the reason is solid enough you may give her the money anyway.

 

[Saltyk]

My mum borrows a few quid here and there if she's a bit short when the window cleaner or the milkman comes knocking, or if it's just 40p for a paper. To be fair I really don't ask to get paid back, I spent my early teens living off my parents money so I feel I at least owe my mum something. Though I always figured kids paid their parents back when said parents got too old to look after themself.

Yeah, but as a teen, you don't really have the ability to earn a living. You weren't a tenant, you were a child. Your parents (most likely) chose to have you, and therefore have to support you. However, I also feel that when you start earning money for yourself, any amount that is borrowed or lent between teen and adult should be paid back in full.

Pretty much this. Everyone making the "Do you have any idea how much it costs them to raise your?" argument, needs to read this.

It's not okay for your mom to take your money without asking. That's pretty much the definition of theft. And yes, your parents should repay what they borrow. Or at least make it clear that they are asking for a contribution rather than a loan.

 

[Jamieson 90]

I would say yes they should pay you back. If your parents buy you something then you undrstand that they used their own money to treat you and you should be grateful. The same applies to if I were to buy something for my parents as a gift etc I don't expect any money back.

I would however be very pissed off if they just decided to take my money or borrowed money and did not pay it back. Sure your parents have raised clothed and fed you since you were a kid but thats what parents are supposed to do and its not an excuse to steal your kids money, and to be honest any parent that steals from their kids is very very low.

 

[VanTesla]

When someone borrows money, they pay the person back. If I borrow cash from my dad I have to at least give him change, but I try to back him back full.

Well recently I started cutting grass to have some extra cash and not have to rely on him all the time to do things like go to concerts, movies or baseball games.

Sometimes he wants to borrow cash so he doesn't have to go to the bank or ATM. I owe him for life basically and he'll write an IOU. He's very good at getting me my money, but if he's late I really don't mind.

My mom on the other hand, who is just a stay at home mom, will sometimes just take money from me and not tell me. Sometimes she just goes out of her way to avoid paying me back.

Sometimes I'll read topics on here where people will say "Their house, their rules" but does that apply in all situations.

TL;DR

If a parent borrows cash from their kid, should they pay them back?

If they ask/let you know that they are taking X amount of money ahead of time, then it's ok. If your mom is taking money that you earned outside of the house without your acknowledgement, then no... Family must be open on such things as money or you can have trust issues, you owe them for the cloths, food, and care, but you still deserve to be treated with respect. If the money she takes is from a job you do that is not connected to your house or helping the family, then she has no right to take it without your say.

If she needs money and is a hard working house wife/mother (tough job in it's self) then she should be getting money from your dad and not you. If she does little in the house, then hell no. If she has a disability that prevents her from doing certain things, then she should still ask.

I was raised by my mother alone and that is how she taught me, if you work hard for your money, then no one has the right to just take it without your input. If the money is from the family that is invested for your future, then they have the say on what goes with it. You shouldn't have to worry about trust with family (well with your parents) if they are good to you, but if they give you doubt, then you have to confront them on the issue in a way that will resolve the issue.

This is a hard subject with only knowing a small bit of detail. I know some parents that seem nice, but have issues with their son (my friend) when it comes to money. I was lucky though in having a good mother and supporting aunts/uncles.

 

[luclin92]

it okay that they borrow money as long as they ask you first. my mother used some of the money on my savings account before i was 18 and she paid that back because i would need that money for when i was going to study further.

 

[Marcosn]

your mum didn't even borrow your money, she took it with no intentions of giving it back and that is stealing...
I think that a parent should give the money back because that is how borrowing works.
Also the excuse that they've paid for you since birth is bull, they had a child so it's their fault and not yours that they had to pay for stuff so unless someones parents are in financial trouble it should be paid back.

 

[Curlythelock]

It's hardly a good example for parents to be setting their kids if they do not pay their debts, even if the debt is with the child. You can't just borrow money from the bank and decide that you don't feel like paying the money back.

 

[Pandaman1911]

No. You summed it up very nicely with that one phrase. "Their house, their rules." So long as the law doesn't classify it as abuse, they can do whatever the hell they want to you.