Poll: You are holding the world ransom. What are your demands?

[DMonkey]

I want Australia. Never been there, and don't know a goddamn thing about it, but I want it.
If you don't hand over the keys to Australia, I will crash the moon into the earth.

 

[thylasos]

"Everyone, stop being dicks. Also, people can't earn more than 50 times the median wage of their countrymen."

 

[UltraDeth]

I demand WORLD PEACE!!! (the irony is epic) for $800,000,000,000,000

 

[Ashadow700]

That either the United states send all thier nukes at China, or China blows up the US. If none of them have complied with my demands before the set time limit, I will blow them both up (and everyone else i the proccess).

 

[Cpu46]

What: Unlimited milk chocolate brownies and every nation plays nicely with one another.

How: A large army of mechs and airborne aircraft carriers

 

[Geekosaurus]

Spoiler: Well...

 

[ProtoChimp]

STOP BEING DICKS, JUST STOP BEING DICKS TO EACH OTHER! IT'S NOT COOL!

I would hold the world ransom by pulling a dead rising 2- duct tape a flashlight to a diamond AND a lead pipe to create A GIANT LASER BEAM THAT CAN INCINERATE THE EARTH, which sure breaks after 2 or 3 uses BUT I ONLY NEED 1 DAMMIT!

 

[an_luas]

My demands? I WANT ICE-CREAM NOW!
How? with marbles...

 

[GrinningManiac]

Bill O'Riley and Glenn Beck are to be killed.

Wow - ending human lives because you disagree with their opinions. Isn't that what North Korea and Iran do?

Firefly is to be uncanceled.

fair enough

All employees of Fox News are to be burned to death.

Why? Because you disagree with their standpoint? A lot of employees at Fox aren't malicious, they're just working 9-5 to make a living. You clearly just mean the people who make executive decisions, which is the tip of a large iceberg with many innocent and hard-working employees. You sound rather Iran-ish

Congressmen are to be killed and replaced with people who have a shred of compassion and aren't corrupt.

People go into politics because they want to make lives better. Noone goes "Bwahaha, I want some fast and easy cash - I'll spend millions of my own money campaigning to perhapes win a democratic vote so I can then work at a difficult job where my only job security is my popularity with the people and it dosen't pay as much as the job I was doing at a big law/oil firm beforehand. Yeah, gonna do all that just so I can get involved in a risky and possibly life-ruining corruption scandal.

The same goes for all government officials.

the same again. Why do you think government offcials are deliberately malicious? Why would they go through so much difficulty and stress so they can get in a job with the sole motivation of screwing you over? No, you're just short-sighted.

Jack Chick is to be crucified.

Who? Again with the murdering, you Kim-Jong Il doppelganger.

The ownership of all works of Joss Whedon are to be given to him if he doesn't currently own them.

There's probably a reason he dosen't have some of them, and those reasons probably involved willing decisions on his part

Gay Marriage is to be made legal everywhere.

first sensible thing you've said all day

North Korea and Iran are to be reduced to a radioactive wasteland.

Why? Because they're dangerous radical countries that have the potential to nuke countries with ideologies and governments they don't agree with? Tell me - does the H in HG131 stand for "Hypocrisy"?

China and all other countries are ordered to forget about ever getting their money back from the US and the US's debt is to be abolished.

US is in debt for a reason - removing said debt would screw over other economies which would have a backlash on America and thus make the removal of the debt void as they're now in another Depression. Thanks

George W. Bush, George HW Bush and Jeb Bush are all to be strapped to the nukes that hit Iran and NK.

Again with the pro-North Korean ideology, you need help

The FCC is to be abolished.

Why? Sure, they might be over-zealous, but don't abolish the damn thing. Cut back on it, but don't abolish. They're there for a reason

The mountains of Afghanistan are to be carpet bombed until they are nothing but rubble and then we are to leave the Middle East.

You are incredibly childish and violent and should never be put in a decision-making role. People live there, you know.

Microsoft is to give the rights to Halo to Bungie and Take Two is to do the same with the rights to Oni.

Bungie dosen't want to do anything else with Halo, stop crying.

Valve is to tell us where Episode 3 is at and why it's taking so long.

Why should they?

The guys at Rooster Teeth are to be given a Nobel Prize.

Nobel Prize for what? Peace? Nope. Chemistry? Nope. I agree the guys are fantastic, but look up the correct awards for the things you wanna give out.

Mercenaries 3 is to be made by the developers of Just Cause 2.

Why don't you just play Just Cause 2 or let them make Just Cause 3?

Activison is to be shut down.

Again with the short-sightedness. They're a huge employer and you clearly only want to punish the managers and CEO and whatnot.

Linkara is now in charge of what happens at comic book companies as he isn't a retard.

He might know how comics should work, but he probably dosen't know how to run a mega-coporation.

There's more, I just can't think of it right now.

You see, normally I'd just say "that's a little poorly-thought out, try harder next time", but after seeing your apparant know-it-all morality on that damned Civil War Assassains Creed thread, I just had to nitpick at the flaws in your argument. You should never be allowed to make decisions, they don't suit you.

I don't fully agree with him, but you seem like the type who shouldn't be judging others, as you are turning his angry anonymous blabbering into a personal matter and make assumptions that you would have no way to know to be true.


Are you going to call me names now as well?

No, I'm not. What assumptions am I making, other than he wants to kill people he disagrees with, destroy companies he opposes and nuke countries he dislikes...all of which are the tendencies and stereotypes of North Korea and Iran, the two countries he hates for doing such things.

I don't assume anything, I merely point out the inherent hypocrisy and short-sightedness of his opinions.

Are you going to falsify more attackers on my character now as well?

 

[Lyx]

The ENTIRE WORLD? Holy crap, i don't think i have the competence to decide about this... *stops holding the world at ransom*


...err, wait a minute... that.... the world..... umm, does that mean i was also holding myself ransom? *confused*

 

[veloper]

The dr Evil option for LOLs.

 

[baddude1337]

I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER?


No, I'd ask for immunity from every possible crime and law, so I can do anything.

And I'm holding them up by a giant laser on the moon.

 

[alimination602]

alimination602's list of demands to prevent world destruction-

1. Alot of cash (Whatever is currently considered rich by personal standards in this battered economy)
2. A private island large enough to accommodate an airfield and several high speed jets
3. A fleet of decommissioned Soviet and US warships and a massive gun- so I can play the world?s largest game of Battleship
4. George Lucas is to be brought before me so that i may smash him round the head with a Halo style gravity hammer until he agrees to stop milking/ruining Star Wars
5. Robert Pattinson (And anyone remotely resembling him) is to be boiled in acid and any trace of that god awful series is to be erased from our collective memory so that we may finally redeem the word 'Twilight'.
6. A bag of maltesers and a Coke (I couldn't think of anything else)

Should i ever acquire a doomsday device or become Dictator of a nuclear weapon wielding nation you will do well to remember these demands. Especially the last one- do not dare forget the last one or i push the button!

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

I want the moon destroyed

Finally a sensible request. The Moon.

pffh....

Most self-righteous, egotistical celestial body there is after the Sun. We as humans should give it a beat down to teach it whose boss.

 

[sunburst]

Activision and Valve are to merge with Valve being the dominant partner. Blizzard is to remain autonomous. Their lawsuits are to be settled. Bobby Kotick is to be allowed the opportunity to seek advancement elsewhere. I also want Half-Life 3 but I'm willing to wait just a little longer. Tim Langdell is to be arrested for running an extortion racket and all his money to be split among the video game developers he has harmed. Syfy is to change their name back to Sci-Fi because it's stupid. Fox is to be banned from picking up potentially interesting shows I might enjoy. Such shows will be directed to a channel run by the Nobel Laureates from Rooster Teeth. Little Kuriboh is to be unbanned from Youtube.

Other than that, I'm perfectly happy. How would I do it? Let's just do what we always do; hijack a nuclear warhead and hold the world hostage.

 

[AssassinJoe]

My demands: Every neo-nazi, pedophile, and kkk member has to be hunted down, tortured, and shot repeatedly.

How?: I threaten to release a computer virus that will destroy all internet porn!

Demands: All your virigns are belong to us!

How: by holding Morgan Freeman at gunpoint.

You bastard! You can have our vigins, just leave Morgan Freeman alone!

 

[the_joker1112]

for everyone to stop fighting and being greedy and to help and shair with everyone or you can get off my f*cking planet! (i would then step down from planatary ruler after that sentance was finished. i just allways wanted to say that)

... and for someone with good painting skills to help me paint my warhammer 40k armys, cuz i suck at painting.

how: with a toothpick.

 

[Zipa]

A million dollars.

 

[Vault Citizen]

I'd have three demans

- Give me [insert a large ammount of money here]
- Give me a ticket that allows me free access on any form of transport to any location (with a guest)
- Get the people causing problems in the middle east to just calm down and get along already.