Relationship Dilemma - FINAL UPDATE. IF YOU POSTED HERE BEFORE, PLEASE VIEW MY LATEST POST

Recommended Videos

KiLl_RoY

New member
Jul 11, 2009
257
0
0
It has happened to me that i`ve been really in loved before and for stupid things i never make a move, even when she said she`s into me.
GO FOR IT.
If you don`t you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Trust me on this, this is some serious shit, don`t let some stupid morale and religius things get in your way of being happy.
I too happen to be in a relationship that didn`t looked good at the begining , but everything is going ok and you wouldn`t believe how happy i am.
 

lvl9000_woot

New member
Oct 30, 2009
856
0
0
BrynThomas said:
OH MY GOSH!

That'll be a bigger hit than 7th Heaven!

Throw in a wacky neighbor and you've got yourself a show!
Maybe a hilarious Muslim neighbour whose completely innocent, but keeps doing stuff that seems shady. The episode where she waterboards him is an instant classic, he's like "I thought you meant surfing glub glub glub"[/quote]

Not a bad idea. I was thinking of a jewisw, illegal immigrant.

Edit: No offence to thoes jewisw, illegal immigrants who read this.
 

Cilliandrew

New member
Jul 10, 2009
455
0
0
Agent Larkin said:
Go for it. You just have to accept that she is religous.
If only it were that easy. I was in a relationship with a bible-thumper. The problem isn't the non-religious accepting the religious, it's the religious accepting the NON-religious.

It won't work.

Hate to say it, but just move on. Religion is a deal-breaker in almost VERY scenario.
 

El Poncho

Techno Hippy will eat your soul!
May 21, 2009
5,890
0
0
Wait, she told you to not say God and say gosh and suddenly she is all of those things?
 

zidine100

New member
Mar 19, 2009
1,016
0
0
Go ahead, if you get skrewed over, well at least you can say you tried your best.

Just make sure that she knows your religion, and if she tryes to change it well, im sorry to say this either point out the hypocrasy and try and change hers, or just walk.

Besides according to you shes perfect, would you really want to miss that chance over something as trivial as religion, and well youve got nothing to loose but time, and im sure you have alot of that since your asking about this here.
 

imp_spittle

New member
Nov 25, 2009
154
0
0
I'm going to use myself as an example here.

Me: conservative, Roman Catholic (escapee from the faith; I haven't been to church in years), Republican, prefers tradition one-on-one relationships
My girlfriend: liberal, pagan, probably a Democrat, goes in for open relationships

The most important thing we've done in our history together is talk. Converse about various subjects. The problem I'm seeing is that she doesn't seem all that interested in discussing anything. That's the first thing you need to put your foot down on. If she can't so much as open up and talk about things, then where will this budding relationship go? How much of a relationship can be built on mutual interest in music, manga, and video games? I'm glad to see anyone, even total strangers on the internet, fall in love, but you have to be careful with this because she doesn't seem to be open to discussion on the matters that you are concerned about. Express your concern, first and foremost, reiterate that you have feelings for her, and see where it goes. There's no harm in trying to work something out where you have middle ground to stand on.

And if it falls apart, you are still 16 (if your profile be believed) and have your whole life ahead of you to find that love of your life.
 

MR T3D

New member
Feb 21, 2009
1,424
0
0
levelling with ya here:
tell her you thinks she's great, BUT given idealogical views, you don't see the two of you becoming more than friends and it ending well if you try to ignore it for the time being.
wham, bam,, feel bad for a few hours, move THE FUCK ON
 

johnman

New member
Oct 14, 2008
2,915
0
0
Being a teenager my first response is to say "Get in her pants then worry about these issues"
My second response is see how it goes.
 

MiracleOfSound

Fight like a Krogan
Jan 3, 2009
17,776
0
0
It's not going to work.

You are not compatible.

Save yourself much pain and annoyance and let it go, because we men are suckers for a pretty girl and therefore you'll be the one doing all the compromising.

Oh, and Christian girls can sometimes be very odd about sex too. heed the warnings!
 

Harmondale2

New member
Nov 18, 2009
205
0
0
well the whole thing of meeting people online isn't a problem, I mean i've been with a girl for nearly 7 months now, and we meet online, we couldn't be happier,

But thats a big difference, if shes majorly religious crazy and your not, then I can only see problems thats lie ahead, plus if you've only known her a week? That is not enough time to know if the relationship will last at all, people always hide things from there partners in the beginning, and as time goes by, reveal more about themselve as they begin to trust you more.

So basically, religion could be an issue, and too early to tell how it will go mate

Once that first few months of excitment has died down, are you two still going to care?
Is it the excitment you love? Or genuinely her?
 

Nickolai77

New member
Apr 3, 2009
2,843
0
0
Julianking93 said:
That's right Escapist. Through several other questions and by her responses, I learned that this seemingly perfect girl is a bible thumping, Obama hating, gay bashing, Evangelical Christian. Her beliefs go exactly the opposite of mine and now I don't know what to do.

She really is one of the sweetest and most compassionate girls I've ever met, but to hear all this just is crazy to me (but I guess there's always a catch).

I don't know what to do. She goes against all my own personal morals and beliefs yet I have a soft spot for her. It also doesn't help that she told me I'm the first guy she's ever had feelings for and that she thinks she's falling for me.

What should I do?

If you feel the need to, PM me about the situation.
If your beliefs are that different, i would recommend backing away. I would go out with a Christian girl no problem, but if she is a fundamentalist Christian, and you, i would guess, are an athiest, i don't see it working. Does she know your an athiest by the way?

I think it's best that you be straight with her and tell her you are not a religious person/Athiest, and say that you don't want a relationship with her, not because she is a Christian (stress that part) but because you don't feel that the relationship will work because there is "too much difference" between you two. Yes, she may argue that you both like anime and gaming, but the real important difference seems to be your differing relgious views. For those reasons i don't think it will work.

Also, your what, 16 years old? Your young and you will come across some other girl sooner or later, you can afford to be picky at this stage of life. I just think you should bite the bullet and not commit to her so to avoid a doomed relationship.

If she was a moderate Christian i would not advocate this, but as you say she's a fundimentalist, and Christian fundimentalists are rather different to normal Christians. If you think she is a fundimentalist, can you imagine what her parents are like? Save yourself further heart break, cut your losses and back away from her.
 

Seldon2639

New member
Feb 21, 2008
1,756
0
0
Julianking93 said:
Recently, I've started talking to a girl whom I've grown quite fond of. We met on a chat room about a week ago and have been talking ever since almost daily.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Julian! How could you? I expected better from you. You met her on the internet! She's probably a guy!"

To that I say, first off let me finish Mr. Mcshitface and second, there is absolutely no possible way that she's a guy. A guy wouldn't put this much effort for this long on just a prank. Besides, I've talked to her on the phone and we've met in person. (it was a local chat room)

Anyway, after talking to her for a while, I've grown quite a liking to her. She's almost the exact thing I was dreaming of when I thought of a perfect girlfriend. She's into videogames, she likes the same music as I do, she reads manga, she's sweet and she's Japanese/American (I like Asian women). She's actually one of the nicest girls I've ever met in my life.

The other day, things got sort of serious when she told me she liked me. A lot. I could tell the sincerity in her voice. And that's what made it so much harder when I discovered her one, tiny little difference from me in the form of this text. After talking to her, I said something (I can't remember) followed by "Oh my God" to which she replied:

[spoiler/]"Could you do me a favor. Please say Gosh instead of God. I mean...you aren't really talking to God."[/spoiler]

God. Fucking. Damnit.

That's right Escapist. Through several other questions and by her responses, I learned that this seemingly perfect girl is a bible thumping, Obama hating, gay bashing, Evangelical Christian. Her beliefs go exactly the opposite of mine and now I don't know what to do.

She really is one of the sweetest and most compassionate girls I've ever met, but to hear all this just is crazy to me (but I guess there's always a catch).

I don't know what to do. She goes against all my own personal morals and beliefs yet I have a soft spot for her. It also doesn't help that she told me I'm the first guy she's ever had feelings for and that she thinks she's falling for me.

What should I do?

If you feel the need to, PM me about the situation.
The first thing to understand is that you cannot change her. Under no circumstances will you be able to "prove" her wrong, or persuade her to love Obama, gays, and cease thumping the bible. She'll continue to believe what she believes, and you'll have to either take the bad with the good, or not.

So, with that in mind: do you like her enough to see yourself with her in spite of your ideological differences? If you do, then you'll have to accept that there's the baggage that goes with it. She'll go to church, hate Obama, bash gays, and love the bible. If you can take all of that as the cost of doing business, then you need to take the next step.

Tell her how you feel; all of it. Explain that you don't believe what she believes, and that you're as committed and full of conviction as she is. Tell her that you won't try to reform her, but she has to promise not to try to reform you, and that you'll both have to accept and respect the other's beliefs and worldviews. The ball at that point is in her court. She can either make the same decision you did, or probably explain that she couldn't see herself dating a godless heathen, and break it off.

If you do end up going out, it's all a matter of deciding how, if at all, to deal with spirituality. Admittedly, it's easier for a complete atheist, because I don't really care about spirituality, much less talking about it. If you do care about talking about it, you'll have to have set-in-stone ground rules for any conversation about it.
 

TZer0

New member
Jan 22, 2008
543
0
0
Ow. This can't be good.

She's what I'd call "religious on demand", which makes my hypocrisy alarm go off. I was partially (not very) like that until I understood how little room religions leave for being an individual (saying that you are one isn't enough, you must be one), how constricting they are when it comes to tolerance as well as how much trouble they cause within relationships and politics. My internal "hypocrisy alarm" (which checks if I'm currently being a hypocrite) stopped beeping every half-second after this.

My theory starts here
She's religious in whatever fields that are defined for her as an important area by her belief and let whatever slide in all other parts of her life - a rather hypocritical approach to things, either you should believe fully in a religion or not at all, anything in between is just stupid and doesn't make sense (on a separate note: this means that all Christians are hypocrites because they don't follow the entire Bible, just the parts they like, in other words, she's more hypocritical than the average believer).

She hates homosexuals and Obama because she's been ordered (maybe not directly) to do so, the irony is that you would expect her to have a Jack Thompson-like approach to games, while she doesn't, because it hasn't been defined for her.

My wild guess says that her parents are the source of the problem. They're probably hardcore Christians (no, not all Christians are bad) and have thus imposed their religion on their daughter. Therefore there's more or less nothing you can do about it, unless that is: you're lucky and she listens to you instead of her parents, somehow I doubt that is going to happen, unless you're very, very lucky or if she starts trusting you more than her own parents. A wall of ignorance and belief is hard to break down with a single stone from the outside. However, it is easier to break it down from the inside with proper tools.
My theory ends here

Please remember that all I wrote is just a theory, I may be partially and most likely completely wrong. If any disrespect towards Christianity or any other religions may be found in this post, then don't disregard it, I meant it.
 

yoyo13rom

New member
Oct 19, 2009
1,004
0
0
dmase said:
Well if it took that long to start talking about your differing political views so on and so forth then it could work. I mean if she's getting invited the republican national christmas party or is whipping her self with a studded belt for god's forgivness then maybe you should back off from that one(or just help with the whipping). As much as that is an ultimate let down let it go she obviously isn't that crazy she likes videogames after all.
Good point of view my fair escapee

Furburt said:
Mr.Black said:
You're probably right, but there's no use going at it with that attitude. I am religious and we're not all nutcases that are narrow-minded (albeit, so many are).
I know not all religious people are extremists, but the OP says she is an extremist, or at least, thats what he considers her to be.
The idea is "Do you think you're up to the task of convincing her to sleep with you?"
I'm quite religious but I tell you any one would dump any and I mean ANY beliefs only to obtain true love(oh yeah and true love is only a chemical compatibility) or at least some pleasures.

I mean I really don't know what all the fuss is about; I dated an ex-satanist, current atheist, aggressive girl who was also into women and it turned out just fine(btw I'm against all those things).

The key word is tolerance. I mean give it a try, it's a pity to give up on your relationship just because of different points of view. My dad has different opinions about politics than my mother; a lot of children chose different religions than their parents; morally grey situations are called "morally grey" for a reason(every one's right in his own way).

My advice is try to overlook any differences between you two and try to accept her for who she is; she doesn't sound as such a bad person + you to seem to have a little chemistry going between each other.

(btw I broke up with THAT girlfriend because she was cheating on me, annnnd me on her, and we both agreed that this was a sign that we weren't sexually attracted enough to one and other)
 

Chris0132

New member
Dec 3, 2009
26
0
0
Depends greatly on the person. Different philosophical and political views are not neccesarily problematic, I get along famously with a girl who is an environmentalist, future pessimist, rational control freak who takes philosophy quite seriously while I'm an exploititve, transhumanist optimist, frequently irrational person perfectly accepting of the fact that I have almost no control over the universe and finds philosophy hilarious because people put so much stock into it.

But both she and I are able to debate these issues without wanting to kill each other, she because she is intelligent and rational and can understand if not agree with my points, and me because I don't much care what other people believe because whatever they go with is up to them and I hope they have fun with it.

Differing beliefs are not problematic with the right people, although without them it can be rather unpleasant.
 

rossatdi

New member
Aug 27, 2008
2,542
0
0
Julianking93 said:
I learned that this seemingly perfect girl is a bible thumping, Obama hating, gay bashing, Evangelical Christian.

She really is one of the sweetest and most compassionate girls I've ever met.
Well you can try talking her round to a nicer view point on people, failing that the later statement is not true. There are other fish. (Plus hippies are better in bed).
 

StarkRavingSane

New member
Mar 4, 2008
53
0
0
Don't pigeonhole her. Might not be as bad as you think (then again I only have basic knowledge of Evangelical Christians).

Nonetheless: if you're both intelligent and emotionally mature these differences will not pose a problem. Worth a try I think.

To all those who want to say something in the lines of "an intelligent Christian? sounds like an oxymoron to me": I will not dignify such comments with an answer.
 

yoyo13rom

New member
Oct 19, 2009
1,004
0
0
Seldon2639 said:
Julianking93 said:
Recently, I've started talking to a girl whom I've grown quite fond of. We met on a chat room about a week ago and have been talking ever since almost daily.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Julian! How could you? I expected better from you. You met her on the internet! She's probably a guy!"

To that I say, first off let me finish Mr. Mcshitface and second, there is absolutely no possible way that she's a guy. A guy wouldn't put this much effort for this long on just a prank. Besides, I've talked to her on the phone and we've met in person. (it was a local chat room)

Anyway, after talking to her for a while, I've grown quite a liking to her. She's almost the exact thing I was dreaming of when I thought of a perfect girlfriend. She's into videogames, she likes the same music as I do, she reads manga, she's sweet and she's Japanese/American (I like Asian women). She's actually one of the nicest girls I've ever met in my life.

The other day, things got sort of serious when she told me she liked me. A lot. I could tell the sincerity in her voice. And that's what made it so much harder when I discovered her one, tiny little difference from me in the form of this text. After talking to her, I said something (I can't remember) followed by "Oh my God" to which she replied:

[spoiler/]"Could you do me a favor. Please say Gosh instead of God. I mean...you aren't really talking to God."[/spoiler]

God. Fucking. Damnit.

That's right Escapist. Through several other questions and by her responses, I learned that this seemingly perfect girl is a bible thumping, Obama hating, gay bashing, Evangelical Christian. Her beliefs go exactly the opposite of mine and now I don't know what to do.

She really is one of the sweetest and most compassionate girls I've ever met, but to hear all this just is crazy to me (but I guess there's always a catch).

I don't know what to do. She goes against all my own personal morals and beliefs yet I have a soft spot for her. It also doesn't help that she told me I'm the first guy she's ever had feelings for and that she thinks she's falling for me.

What should I do?

If you feel the need to, PM me about the situation.
The first thing to understand is that you cannot change her. Under no circumstances will you be able to "prove" her wrong, or persuade her to love Obama, gays, and cease thumping the bible. She'll continue to believe what she believes, and you'll have to either take the bad with the good, or not.

So, with that in mind: do you like her enough to see yourself with her in spite of your ideological differences? If you do, then you'll have to accept that there's the baggage that goes with it. She'll go to church, hate Obama, bash gays, and love the bible. If you can take all of that as the cost of doing business, then you need to take the next step.

Tell her how you feel; all of it. Explain that you don't believe what she believes, and that you're as committed and full of conviction as she is. Tell her that you won't try to reform her, but she has to promise not to try to reform you, and that you'll both have to accept and respect the other's beliefs and worldviews. The ball at that point is in her court. She can either make the same decision you did, or probably explain that she couldn't see herself dating a godless heathen, and break it off.

If you do end up going out, it's all a matter of deciding how, if at all, to deal with spirituality. Admittedly, it's easier for a complete atheist, because I don't really care about spirituality, much less talking about it. If you do care about talking about it, you'll have to have set-in-stone ground rules for any conversation about it.
I think you gave the best answer here (beating the crap out of my answer and rendering it useless...) I tip my hat to you young, fine visionary. *this guy has some great points of view don't you agree Jack?*

But still I'll take it as a challenge to outwit you! *puts on To Do List* Or at least try if I don't forget...