Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Snowden's Secret]

Granted, but the mechanism is defected so that the blade will spring backwards into your own arm every time you use it. Roar, ninja.
Granted, but no one will ever remember your achievment.

I wish I could play the piano.

 

[Steppin Razor]

Granted, but you're so bad at playing piano that the entirety of your family and friends kill themselves rather than listening to you play.

I wish I had mad skillz.

 

[Steppin Razor]

Granted. She's no longer in a coma, but full-on dead. YOU'RE SUCH A MONSTER!

I wish the voices would go away.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, but you lose your arms so you have to eat with your mouth.

I wish I didn't have to wake up so early to go to school.

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted: you die in your sleep.

I wish I had a car.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, but it's broken beyond repair.

I wish I would stop changing avatars.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Granted, but the avatar you have to stick with is obscene and results in you getting banned.

I wish I had a dog with a saddle.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but it's much smaller that you hoped for, and you'd crush it if you sat on it.

I wish for a mail-less world.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, but you are trapped in a small cube with only a computer to call for help. But now that there is no mail system, you cannot send email. So you are trapped forever.

I wish there was an announcement for the Playstation 4.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but you're in a comma.

I wish for a dragon to guard my treasure.

 

[SkyeNeko]

Granted, but your dragon lives on a diet of gold and diamonds.

I wish my give a damn was broken.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but now you give a crap instead.

I wish I had a sweet lava lamp.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, but it's filled with sugar instead of lava. Or whatever that stuff they use is...

I wish for a sexy girlfriend.

 

[MrJKapowey]

Granted. But she is a Thai lady boy who is found attractive by ONE person.

(you didn't say that you had to find her attractive)

I wish my RP would get a move on.

 

[SkyeNeko]

granted, but everyone leaves it and youre left with one player.

i wish ninjas would stop ninja-ing

 

[audiblemirage]

granted but now the pirate trolls are pirate trolling.


i wish i could see episode 201 of southpark

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted, but it causes you to vomit and stab your eyes out.

I wish that I had my own phoneline.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but it's not plugged in.

I wish Isaac would stop multi-posting.