Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Viridian]

Granted, but the copy you have is on a disk that's scratched and can't be salvaged.

I wish that I had a self-replenishing bag of sunchips.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted, however, it is contaminated with a toxic fungus which makes you smell really bad.

I wish I could walk on water.

 

[staika]

Granted, but all the water in the world is gone making the power useless.

I wish I could stay up all night

 

[JLML]

Granted, day and night switches names, thus making you stay up all night.

I wish I could write an awesome book and get rich from it.

 

[Viridian]

Granted, but it's a Justin Bieber biography, considered awesome by all true Beliebers, and a significant portion of the world's population is now out for your blood.

I wish for a stapler that had enough "stapling power" to staple through any size stack of paper.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. You accidentally staple your hand to a gay porn magazine.

I wish I had poison fangs.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, but one day you poison your own food, thus killing you.

I wish I knew of a HD Graphic Mod for Oblivion.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted. Your computer can't run it at all.

I wish I had my copy of Final Fantasy XIII-2 already.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but your system crashes and you can't play it. And then someone pokes you in the eye because you got the game before they did.

I wish that Avengers would come out sooner.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted its run ended last week did you see it?

I wish for the blue prints to a Dalek.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, you don't have the resources to build one.

I wish I could move 1 month into the future.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. In that 1 month, you miss the event that would set your life on whatever path it is you want. Missing it causes you to be stuck in shit job, living in an apartment made out of rats.

...

...

I wish I lived in an apartment made of rats.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. You get Lyme Disease and die.

I wish I lived in a village.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, you trade places with me and you go mad from the overbearing silence, horible smell, idiotic little pricks that live in the village, rats and unclean water.

I wish to live in London.

 

[Viridian]

Granted, you're kidnapped in the name of sex trafficking and brought to London to perform sexual favors in a smelly shack.

I wish for someone to bring me...

a shrubbery.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You are then clubbed to death by the shrubbery for making such an obvious reference.

I wish for flowers.

 

[Yureina]

Granted. Come to my house. :3

I wish for huggles.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. An octopus huggles your windpipe, suffocating you in the process.

I wish I had a non-poisoned steak and ale pie right now.

 

[Yureina]

Granted. Then i'll pour poison down your throat for suffocating me with an octopus. ;_;

I wish I had more Pink Lemonade.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. It makes your hair stink of urine permanently.

I wish I had some killer fangs.