Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[camerinian]

Granted, but 90% of naps will result in bedwetting.

I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted the other punks laugh at you but you just signed a record deal with Disney.

I wish pop was a better form of music.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, it becomes a tiny bit better, but all other genres no longer exist.

I wish there were less cats on the internet.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but now they're all in your house, and they're all hungry for human flesh.

I wish I lived somewhere nicer.

 

[SamtheDeathclaw]

Granted. Welcome to the Kingdom of Caring, home of Care Bears.

I wish I had more books.

 

[MrCollins]

You have every book, but they are all in a long-forgotten language.

I wish I had more things to do.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Granted! You found the murder weapon!

I wish for a lawyer to write out these wishes for me.

 

[MrCollins]

You get one, meet my good friend

Spoiler: Lionel Hutz

I wish I was more tolerant.

 

[The Rookie Gamer]

Granted, your tolerance morphs into extreme apathy for everything.

I wish for Cookie Dough ice cream that isn't terrible for your body.

 

[WhyBotherToTry]

Granted, but you only get to eat it once.

I wish I had a jetpack.

 

[MrCollins]

You get an awesome jet-pack, but every time you use it, you hit an invisible wall a meter above your head.

I wish for a comfier bed.

 

[Squidbulb]

Your bed is very comfortable, milud, but I am sorry to report that it is filled with wasps.

I wish for the chance to sleep with Brian Blessed.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, you literally only sleep with him, and you don't go to sleep or wake up with him.

I wish I had a better saw to cut wood with. Hand saws take forever.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted you now can only use balsa wood.

I wish to remember 2012 fondly.

 

[DotSlash]

Granted, you fondly remember everything bad that happened and everyone thinks you're a psycho.

I wish to have a good New Year's.

 

[Imthatguy]

Granted you wake up New Years Day in the drunk tank at the local PD.

I wish my flatscreen was bigger.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted it is now equally wide and deep. You have an old box television essentially.

I wish for a box of fireworks.

 

[DotSlash]

Granted, the moment you touch them, they go off in your face.

I wish for less alcohol.

 

[SamtheDeathclaw]

Granted, all of your alcohol has now been given to children.

I wish my dog wasn't sick. :[