Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Hemlock]

Granted. But you can only go backwards in time.
I wish for a shrubbery!

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but first you must cut down the tallest tree in the forest......WITH A HERRING!

I wish Monty Python was still around.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but they do not write any new sketches, they just repeat their old punchlines with no effort.

I wish for some Lego.

 

[Hemlock]

Granted, but they are invisible to you.
I wish for a robot with skilled fencing.

 

[Living_Brain]

He builds more fencing robots and takes over the planet.

I wish I actually loved my girlfriend.

 

[Hemlock]

Granted, but she cheats on you a bit later on.
I wish for a cardboard box.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. Said cardboard box is a Mimic that kills you brutally.

I wish for more luck.

 

[Living_Brain]

Granted. Bad luck though. So much (bad) luck you become the next Bad Luck Brian.

I wish I could be funny on the internet as I am IRL sometimes.

 

[Hemlock]

Granted, but you use the same schtick over and over again.
I wish for a sandwich.

 

[Living_Brain]

Granted. It is made not with bread but with small bags of sand.

 

[thesilentman]

And your wish is screwed up, and you cease to exist due to a divide my zero in the thread computer. Don't be sad.

I wish for someone to live the rest of my life without being looked at funny.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted. Now everyone looks at you normally but talks to you like you're a baby.

I wish for more interesting games to play.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. Hope you like the shit games out there!

I wish for a better way to fall asleep.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted here smell this rag.

I wish for a glass of water from the streams of a mountain in Tibet.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. Have fun getting sick continually for the rest of your life!

I wish for super reflexes.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted! Of course, the friction caused by moving so fast my make you burst into flames...

I wish for hope.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted here is a Barack Obama look a like.

I wish for Crash Bandicoot to get the game he deserves.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted!

*Hands Crash Bandicoot a copy of Super Mario Galaxy*

...What?

I wish that people were more specific about there wishes.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, all wishes now clearly state that they want you to die.

I wish to go to the cinema!

 

[Porygon-2000]

Granted, they're playing a 24 hour marathon of ALL the Seltzer and Freiberg movies. Enjoy!

I wish I was a sexy person