Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[LordofHeart]

Granted, but the chili is laced with a highly addictive narcotic as well as low doses of various poisons, so as you eat you're killing yourself.

I wish neither this wish nor my next wish could be corrupted nor could it be ruined.

 

[Teoes]

Granted but your next wish is as useless as this one, so that was a complete waste wasn't it?

I wish it would rain gumdrops.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Granted, but they fall at such a velocity that going outside is just painful.

I wish I was a better singer.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, but you also are very loud. VERY loud. As in you just deafened everyone on the planet when you started singing. Thanks for that.

I wish to replace the universe and everything in it with a void of nothingness.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, from the nothingness a new big bang comes forth which creates a new universe.

I wish I had the ability to replicate any act I see like that one black chick from Heroes.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, but you have no control over it. One day you see a gun being fired, which results in every being shot.

I wish for a 3 cheese deep pan pizza.

 

[LordofHeart]

Granted, you now have three deep dish cheese pan pizzas.... From last year... That were trampled during the Running of the Bulls.

I wish for control over the 7 Keys of the House, granting me Lordship of the 7 sections of The House along with the Secondary Realms. (If you get this reference, I will love you forever.)

 

[Neuromancer]

Granted, but unfortunately the Morrow Days win.

I wish that Homestuck shippers die in a pyre.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but there's a grievous miscarriage of justice and you're mistaken for a Homestruck shipper yourself. Burn.

I wish I could turn my one packet of fruit pastilles into two.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, you can now duplicate fruit pastilles packaging.
You can now fill them with whatever you want!
Like fruit pastilles.
If only you had more.

I wish I could play the trombone.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, everytime you play it you loose a bit of your soul.

I wish it would rain more.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Granted, but it rains so much that everything is flooded. GG.

I wish I was better at MOBA games.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, you become so good no one ever wants to play with you. You go insane from loneliness.

I wish that I had a wolf pup for a pet.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, the canine in question will be sent into a murderous frenzy any time a two syllable word is uttered.

I wish there was a Subway store within 5 minutes walking distance of my house.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, but it has neither employees nor food.

I wish that captcha would be normal instead of advertising stuff.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted, no more advertisements for you!

Spoiler: Now, to continue breathing, you must prove your not a soulless robot.

Spoiler: I wish that you would make a contract with me.

 

[Teoes]

Can I ruin your wish by failing to comprehend it?

I wish I could comprehend Not G. Ivingname's wish.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, You understand Not G. Ivingname's wish to some extent and become a magical girl who fights witches.
You don't make it past episode 3. No one gave you any heads up about that. Whoops.

I wish I was immune to fear.

 

[username sucks]

Granted. You become a professional daredevil and die in a horribly entertaining accident on live TV.

I wish I had ice powers.

 

[AZT00Z]

Granted, but the only thing you can do is turn yourself into an ice sculpture with no way of reversing it.

I wish I know what to wish for.