Someone done did it to me!
It was a dark and stormy night. Probably.
I didn't check.
I had been summoned to some strange place to listen to some strange man tell me that I was to be married to some strange people. And a guy in bondage gear. No matter how deeply I desired a new foot rest, not only did the black latex and leather clash with my decor, but typically I avoid furniture I will be required to feed.
The solution was simple. Kill them all.
Not me.
I wouldn't be killing anyone, that's ditch digger work. Instead I would find someone who would kill them all for me, and I would help him to do this thing. Not like, help help, but help in a vague way that keeps me free of culpability, while simultaneously allowing me to claim credit for their work should the semi-joint 'murder venture' be successful. My law degree would finally come in handy. No more pedigree chum for me! After a successful double cross of this level I would no doubt be re-barred across the country. That criminal conviction for peeing in the jury's coffee was bullshit anyway.
I prepared my best suit and promptly tore off my pants, to ensure I would fit in with both the professionals present, as well as the weirdos. Able to slide between the freaks and the pompous bastards imperceptibly, I would whisper in their ears and pull information from willing lips, bend the GM's will to mine own through all the cunning EVIL I am capable of, and stop this wedding once and for all. Yeeessss, it is the fault of the GM that I am driven to this. In addition to my ever present fear of commitment, and large social situations. But I shall do what I must. Thoroughly. Within billable hours. 15% reduced rate, plus pro bono hours to the maximum that can be written off, which I believe is 10% of total. This counts as a charity, right?
But my disguise was too good! As I stood before this strange amorphously indescribable person dressed in ways that I simply cannot put word to.. As I was preparing to serenade them with knowledge of the other guests - to direct them along their killing path - they suddenly snapped! Leaping across a large black leather couch (which I will note was NOT a person, although still tacky) they fell upon me, murder-frenzy glinting in their neutrally coloured eyes.
"You fool!" I roared into his or her mouth which was all up in my legal grill "I gave my pants for this!" The murder weapon rose and fell. Once. Twice. A frankly excessive third time. As my vision faded, I gazed into the ether and wheezed my last breath in a long slow hiss.
"That... was my only... pair.... of paaaantsss"
The lawyer is dead!
<--- kirby wants hug
