SEX!!!

[ThrobbingEgo]

It's obviously very complicated and you can use whatever words you want, but in short: there's a difference between requiring someone to meet one of your subjective tastes and requiring them to meet some objective criterion.

Tastes can be criteria - but you'd hope that personality, character, and competency would be higher on the list than a specific eye colour.

Then again, I like the twisted Adult Swim humor.

I think the whole problem is we think in terms of 'lists'. Personality or character or competency can't replace actually being attracted to a person physically. I think we actually put too *little* importance on looks, and we do so because we put too little importance on our own sexualities.

I'm just using "list terminology" for simplicity. What I'm saying is, if you find a beautiful woman, who's everything you need but has brown eyes - who'd be that choosy? Who'd really care? I sure wouldn't.

That's my point: it's not about being "choosy." It's about listening to what you need. If you need brown eyes...you need brown eyes. There's no choice involved.

Of course I don't think there are people out there like that, but, to me, that kind of 'don't be choosy' message does a lot of harm making people overlook things like physical attraction AND put too much importance on things we call 'personality' or 'character'.

People live in the brain. Your body doesn't define who you are.

There are more people who'd I'd be physically attracted to than there are people who I'd be able to have a relationship with beyond that - therefore attraction's less important. A pretty face is a dime a dozen - but people are unique. Maybe I just have "low" standards on beauty.

Among other things, you need to be with someone who can appreciate you and can handle being in a relationship. After all, the divorce rate is fifty percent.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

1: If the person's special, then the sex is special.

No, it isn't. Not for everyone.

2: There's a thing called compromise and communication. If you like something, and she likes something, you can in most cases have it both ways.

In a lot of cases you can't. There's a big difference between someone compromising to make you happy, and both of you enjoying something. Shared happiness is a big part of healthy sexual relationship. If there's not enough shared happiness where you *both* like the same thing, that's a recipe for disaster.

I see your point, but note the communication. A little "I like it when you..." can go a long way towards a mutually enjoyable experience.

 

[Yoshi-Pop]

Casual sex is best with a partner whom you personally despise for two reason.
1) With a friend a sexual relationship can turn into infatuation which generally ends both the friendship and the benefits. Picking someone you can't stand will prevent this little buzzkill from ruining all your fun.
2) Angry sex is better anyway.

Besides a wise man DID say "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

 

[Avatar Roku]

That's the thing; his argument was that love is important, but that sex is as well. Let me find a quote:

If in fact we can all agree that a relationship based solely on sex is doomed to fail, then surely one based solely on love is also doomed to the same fate. After all, man is a "carnal" animal.

There, you see? He's saying that they need to exist in balance.

Oh so allow me to correct that.

They don't need to exist in balance.

Yes they do, if only because sex in the proper context is the purest expression of love.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

Casual sex is best with a partner whom you personally despise for two reason.
1) With a friend a sexual relationship can turn into infatuation which generally ends both the friendship and the benefits. Picking someone you can't stand will prevent this little buzzkill from ruining all your fun.
2) Angry sex is better anyway.

Besides a wise man DID say "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

That sounds as unhealthy as it is awesome.

How'd you end up with someone you hate?

 

[Avatar Roku]

Casual sex is best with a partner whom you personally despise for two reason.
1) With a friend a sexual relationship can turn into infatuation which generally ends both the friendship and the benefits. Picking someone you can't stand will prevent this little buzzkill from ruining all your fun.
2) Angry sex is better anyway.

Besides a wise man DID say "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

That sounds as unhealthy as it is awesome.

Seriously. I'd like to see the mental state of someone in that kind of relationship for any length of time.

 

[MoganFreeman]

Casual sex also seems to get a pretty bad rep, which I for one don't understand why.

I think this is due to the questionable means many men use to obtain casual sex.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

Yes they do, if only because sex in the proper context is the purest expression of love.

Purest? As a secularly minded individual, that raises an eyebrow. Consider my monocle-eyebrow raised.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

People live in the brain. Your body doesn't define who you are.

That's exactly what I'm talking about: this idea that we only live in our brains and not our bodies. Which...is strange considering our brains *are* part of our bodies.

The mind is a product of a brain. A mindless brain's as worthless as any hunk of meat. And while the body has an effect on the mind, the mind is more important because it's the most unique.

Just go to an Elvis lookalike contest.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

Sure, I agree. Dan Savage calls it GGG or something.

The thing is we don't pay enough attention to when "a little" turns into "a lot."

And we also don't pay enough attention to people for whom sex--even vanilla, heteronormative sex--means more than it does for other people. We all have individual sexual identities we don't pay enough attention to.

Fair enough. I'm fairly laid back and open minded. This kind of problem didn't occur to me, and it's an excellent point.

 

[Avatar Roku]

Yes they do, if only because sex in the proper context is the purest expression of love.

Purest? As a secularly minded individual, that raises an eyebrow. Consider my monocle-eyebrow raised.

Alright, let me expand. When you have sex, you are at your most vulnerable, emotionally and physically. So there's an expression of trust, one factor of love. Then the fact that you're working together for a common end. Companionship, another factor. Then, you make each other feel good, although not simply physically. Your own orgasm is there, of course, but mentally, the fact that you made them feel good may well be even better. Support, another factor. See where I'm going?

Also, a useless addendum, but I don't want to be misquoted five pages from now (by someone else, most likely, but still). I know I said "them", but only because I didn't want to use "him" or "her" because A)I don't know you or your preferences and B)I may not have been addressing just you.

 

[Doug]

I believe sex in a relationship is like oil in an engine. It keeps things running smoothy, or at least, smoother than would otherwise be. Of course, an engine that is mostly oil won't work well no matter what you do.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

Yes they do, if only because sex in the proper context is the purest expression of love.

Purest? As a secularly minded individual, that raises an eyebrow. Consider my monocle-eyebrow raised.

Alright, let me expand. When you have sex, you are at your most vulnerable, emotionally and physically. So there's an expression of trust, one factor of love. Then the fact that you're working together for a common end. Companionship, another factor. Then, you make each other feel good, although not simply physically. Your own orgasm is there, of course, but mentally, the fact that you made them feel good may well be even better. Support, another factor. See where I'm going?

Also, a useless addendum, but I don't want to be misquoted five pages from now (by someone else, most likely, but still). I know I said "them", but only because I didn't want to use "him" or "her" because A)I don't know you or your preferences and B)I may not have been addressing just you.

I agree that it's intimate. I wouldn't say it's the purest expression of love.