Brawndo said:
I started a part-time job at a state agency about four weeks ago, and there is a married woman in her early 50s who works there who is not my direct superior, but is still above me. She appears tired and sulky most of the time, but whenever she sees me she brightens up immediately. She acts flirty every time she talks to me and often gives me compliments on what I am wearing that day. She has grabbed my biceps at least twice before and asked whether I work out.
Yesterday I got a buzzcut, and today at work she unexpectedly came up from behind me when I was seated and ran her hands all over my head and commented how I look like the guy from Prison Break.
Now it's very possible she is being an innocent flirt because she is bored at work and means nothing by it, but I am going to choose to feel violated and offended instead. I am not a sexual object, and I demand to be taken seriously at my job!
Should I file a claim and potentially ruin this woman's long career and marriage?
First be aware that whether it's innocent on her part or not is irrelevent. If it is innocent tho explaining it to her once should do the job with no hard feelings from anywhere. Chances are it wouldn't be the first time she's heard that speech.
You need to tell her that it's making you uncomfortable. From a legal standpoint this is your first port of call, morally it's probably the best place to start too.
ALWAYS USE THE WORD UNCOMFORTABLE. It's a nice neutral word unlikely to generate any unnecessary hostility. Just be clear on the fact that it needs to stop.
Try and make sure that no-one else is watching or within earshot so she doesn't take it as an attempt to embarras or humiliate her. For god's sake don't tell her you don't want to have sex with her or anything like that, just that it makes you uncomfortable and you prefer it didn't happen. Giving her an honest chance to take the hint is the first step in the office politics part too. Creating enmity in the workplace is never a good thing and should be avoided at all costs.
Give it 3 times, never getting more forceful. Just explain it.
On the 4th occasion just explain that it needs to stop or you are going to have to go to a superior. Make sure you tell her you don't want to but you don't see any other option.
Then, if you have to, go to a superior and tell them that you don't want to stir trouble but you need it to stop. No punishment etc, just it needs to stop.
Chances are by this time that even if she is interested she will have taken the hint and will back off.
If you get past this point and it hasn't stopped, don't ask on a forum, ask a lawyer. A drafted letter to her superiors will most likely put an end to it.
Going to court over something like this will undoubtedly brand YOU for life as much as it does her. These types of things have a habit of following you around. Doing your best to bypass the court system is in your own best interest as much as it is in hers.
DemonicVixen said:
OP: I'm sorry, but if you think thats sexual harrasment, I was ASSAULTED on my very first shift (also happened to be a night shift). Its not really sexual in the way that sexual harassment is seen.
Sexual harassment is any unwanted interaction based on gender or sexual preference.
n.
The making of unwanted and offensive sexual advances or of sexually offensive remarks or acts.
It somewhat hinges on whether the person in question is offended by the act as much as the act itself.
It also has to do with "unwanted" which is why you show a pattern of attempting to stop it. If the pattern trying to stop it is of sufficient length even minor acts are punishable by law.
