Labyrinth said:
Here's the thing. As a feminist I'm opposed to sexist behaviour. Chivalry in my experience is politeness code for men when around women. This means that a qualifying point for receiving that politeness is being a particular sex. That's sexist.
If you'd like a less convoluted version think of this. Holding a door only for women is sexist. Holding a door for anyone is polite.
Further distinction needs to be made between a nice person and Nice Guy (tm). The latter is a manipulative, narcissistic person who blames women for his own shortcomings and for his inability to find dates when he is only out to get laid and manipulative to do so. The Nice Guy (tm) uses the guise of friendship in order to get close to women then complains when they won't sleep with him because he is a friend. It's that kind of misrepresentation of intentions that pisses us off. More information here [http://www.heartlessbitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml].
You are quite analytical about it and have your own way of thinking. That's cool, I respect that, so do I. What it all boils down to though is what your social circle looks like. Trying to generalize beyond that is very risky. I believe there are massive differences depending mostly on where you live, what kind of education your friends have and even what kind of income they have. I can only judge by my own social circle.
I have many female friends that I spend time with. One of them recently became single and I flirted with her, a lot, yet in a civilized, funny and (I'd like to think) intelligent manner. For, like, 2 weeks. And yes, don't worry, she knew, she didn't think I was just being friendly. Some other dude from our little group told her one day that when she speaks she sounds retarded, because she is a foreigner and has a funny accent, and made fun of her in really disgusting and rather racist ways. She then became obsessed with him, wondering why it is that he doesn't seem to like her. She actually sent him text messages asking him that. Then she added him on Facebook and pm'ed him one day asking him what's wrong. He told her to leave him alone because he is at work and to stop being a pain in his ass. That was it, she became furious and a few days later basically threw herself at him. Now they are together. Oh, also, he weighs 250 pounds. I'm not saying that because I'm a model myself, but daaaaamn, she certainly wasn't hooked because of his jolly good looks.
My best friend is also a girl that I basically grew up with, since our parents were friends since childhood as well. We have talked about those things many times, and what she finds ideal is a man who abuses her, but kindly and with a sense of humour, like he doesn't actually mean it. This is an opinion that her female friends also share, and they have chosen their relationships based on that. One of them practically disappeared from our radar recently because her boyfriend won't let her go out after 7 (no joke), and she likes that, she appreciates it somehow, she believes it makes her life more orderly. I should also add, they are all university graduates with adequate pay, they are not financially dependent.
Please tell me, in my case, as a free thinking, educated, liberal guy, who has manners towards everyone because it just comes to him naturally, and is not full of shit and ready to sell himself as something that he is not, what am I supposed to conclude about women from this and how am I supposed to act in my life in order to, not get laid, but to not be alone all the time? Because quite frankly, I am starting to give up and think that this whole relationship business is maybe just not cut for me and is not worth my time and energy...
