So, on a scale of 1-10, how bad is this?

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Zykon TheLich

Extra Heretical!
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Jun 6, 2008
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Catie Caraco said:
Yeah, I know, I looked it up on wikipedia (hurr) afterwards, still though by the letter of the law it could be defined as rape as you said it would most likely be charged as sexual assault.


k-ossuburb said:
zehydra said:
Then what is the difference between rape and sexual assault?
There's not really any difference, technically they're the same thing. Sexual assault over here in the U.K. is just another term for rape, it's just "nicer" to say "sexual assault" on the news instead of "rape" because the word "rape" has negative connotations and would make the newscaster sound biased, so the term "sexual assault" is used just in case the person who is accused of it is innocent.
Actually no, here in the UK rape is a very specific thing. Non consensual penetration of the mouth anus or vagina with a penis. Sexual assault and rape are technically different.
 

Pyro Paul

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rather then touting the negativity and 'omg! evil' why don't you just suggest to him to acctually ask the girl out romanatically?

he is obviously enamoured by that girl.

And demonizing a persons coping methods to serious life issues does not lead to good things. He is having trouble getting what he truely desires... so help him. Before the rift between 'desire' and 'have' become too vast and he decides the best course of action to have what he desires is to forcefully take it.
 

BloatedGuppy

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Raykuza said:
ckriley said:
they both got drunk
He was drunk. Cut him a little slack. It's not like he slipped her a roofie and went to town. His decision making abilities were clearly impaired.

One time a friend of mine got drunk, went outside, came back inside soaking wet and without his pants. He then proceeded to sloppily tackle anyone nearby. He had me pinned to the ground for several minutes before one of my other friends who wasn't fleeing him helped me out from under him.

My friend would never act the same way if he was sober, and I'm sure the same thing is true of your friend.
I don't know if you've been keeping up with the legal landscape in the last few decades, but the "whoops I was drunk" defense doesn't hold a lot of water any more.

It's not like someone slipped HIM a roofie and he was inebriated against his will. He chose to get drunk, and, while drunk, chose to sexually assault his friend. It doesn't MATTER if he wouldn't do it sober. He still DID IT.
 

Biodeamon

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he was drunk to too. he is not accountable for his actions while he was drunk, however he did get drunk. Also he told you what he did and that at least proves that he feels some remorse.

I'd say you should probably scould him about being drunk but other than that i'd forgive him. he was honest.

to me a real guilty man is one who doesn't admit it.
 

Ham_authority95

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ckriley said:
First of all, no this is not me I'm talking about here. Seriously. But I want your opinion on this because I don't feel right about it and got into a huge fight over it.

A buddy of mine went out dancing with his best friend last weekend. This best friend of his is a girl and they spend all their time together.

The other day we were hanging out and he tells me that that night they both got drunk and went back to her place, and while she was passed out drunk he "felt her up". I asked him what he meant. He said he just kind of groped her or whatever but not actual sex.

I was disgusted. And I am no prude. But this just kind of crossed the line to me. I told him he's not really her friend because a true friend would never do anything like that. I know he's always wanted more from this girl and they are super close. But that's why I was upset. Because she obviously trusts him, and then she passes out and he totally takes advantage of her. Again, according to him, he didn't actually do the deed and he said he only did it for a few minutes before crashing on the couch, but just the fact that he was doing stuff to her while she was out like that just seems wrong to me.

Am I overreacting?
He should tell her what he did, just straight up. It's about all he can do. How "bad" this is will be determined by how she feels.
 

Biodeamon

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Kenjitsuka said:
That's plain and simple sexual assault, no?

In any case, some in this thread are saying that "he must've also been waaaay drunk", and that is meant as some defense for his actions. Well, NO, he can still remember it. If he would have been truely drunk he'd not remember, for one.
however he did tell his friend about which means he did have some remorse. he could've just kept it a secret. now that would have been truly bad.
 

Soulfoodman

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That's pretty bad, no doubt about that. I don't know how to rate it because I don't know what we are considering a 1 and a 10.
 

BloatedGuppy

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Biodeamon said:
however he did tell his friend about which means he did have some remorse. he could've just kept it a secret. now that would have been truly bad.
He told his friend because he was looking for absolution. The person he should have told was the girl.
 

El Poncho

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May 21, 2009
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It was a pretty terrible thing to do but him telling you about it probably means he felt pretty bad about it himself and it was bugging him, so that's a plus I guess.
 

Whateveralot

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I wonder. Does she know now, or is she still oblivious?

Your buddy wasn't justified to do what he did. Even if they were just "dating", or even in a relationship. It's just not ok to feel up on a girl when she's not conscious.

I'd say he's not just interested in her for her friendship. He wasn't from the start.
 

Kenjitsuka

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Biodeamon said:
Kenjitsuka said:
That's plain and simple sexual assault, no?

In any case, some in this thread are saying that "he must've also been waaaay drunk", and that is meant as some defense for his actions. Well, NO, he can still remember it. If he would have been truely drunk he'd not remember, for one.
however he did tell his friend about which means he did have some remorse. he could've just kept it a secret. now that would have been truly bad.
Maybe his real reason for telling was to brag?
And then, gauging the reaction, NOT going for the "high five" to celebrate he had intended?
We can't know for sure, so it remains on the table ;)
 

Samurai Silhouette

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Regrettable? Yes.
Condemning? No.

I'd say a 4 or 5. Under the influence, mind's clouded and didn't get too far. If he was infact sober, I'd raise that to sexual assault, taking advantage of the situation, an 8 or 9 depending on how far he went. 10 for actual rape.
 

Raykuza

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BloatedGuppy said:
Raykuza said:
ckriley said:
they both got drunk
He was drunk. Cut him a little slack. It's not like he slipped her a roofie and went to town. His decision making abilities were clearly impaired.

One time a friend of mine got drunk, went outside, came back inside soaking wet and without his pants. He then proceeded to sloppily tackle anyone nearby. He had me pinned to the ground for several minutes before one of my other friends who wasn't fleeing him helped me out from under him.

My friend would never act the same way if he was sober, and I'm sure the same thing is true of your friend.
I don't know if you've been keeping up with the legal landscape in the last few decades, but the "whoops I was drunk" defense doesn't hold a lot of water any more.

It's not like someone slipped HIM a roofie and he was inebriated against his will. He chose to get drunk, and, while drunk, chose to sexually assault his friend. It doesn't MATTER if he wouldn't do it sober. He still DID IT.
Well, if you want to play it that way, they both chose to get drunk. Together. And I don't particularly want to think of this as a legal matter, because these three people are all friends and (I assume) civilized adults that don't need to immediately litigate in order to solve this issue.

I do think that most of the people posting must be overreacting teetotalers if they really think this guy is a truly bad person for doing something stupid while he was drunk. People do stupid shit when they get drunk. I think he should probably tell her what he did and apologize, but even if he doesn't I still wouldn't think any less of him.
 

Gralian

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While it's easy to jump the gun and condemn this bloke for "feeling her up", i think people need to stop and realise that we don't have all the facts. "Totally takes advantage of her" is a pretty heavy accusation to make. For all we know, they might grope each other from time to time - after all, we know they're close as they are best friends. Maybe she likes him as much as he likes her. Maybe he's "felt her up" before when they were both conscious and she was okay with it. Groping could be anything from simply touching her boobs, to stroking her hips, caressing her cheek, or actually putting his hand inside her pants. I think there's a pretty big gulf between touching someone's genitalia and drunkenly touching someone's breast. I'm not giving this guy a free pass; taking advantage of anyone when they're inebriated is wrong, but i wouldn't wag fingers and call him a future serial rapist without understanding all the facts first.

I would say though that this guy probably needs to explain to this girl that he likes her and it's putting stress on their friendship. It might already be obvious to her and she previously rejected his advances; again, we just don't have the facts to make any assumptions. But at the very least, he should talk over his feelings or desire for her. It might help to batten down his frustrations somewhat and stop things like this from happening again in the future.
 

Madara XIII

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Mr.Pandah said:
If she was legitimately knocked out, like, cold on the mattress because she passed out, I'd say that is crossing the line. At least he didn't rape her or something. That would be a sticky situation...
Must.....resist...urge to make...evil joke.

ckriley said:
Am I overreacting?
Certainly not good sir. You have a legitimate reason to be angry. And I'd give this a 6 out of 10. It was pretty bad and considering that she was K.O.'d then yeah. Not cool. That will definitely destroy some trust between them.

[HEADING=2]Any comments Noob?



I wouldn't question him[/HEADING]
 

Biodeamon

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Kenjitsuka said:
Biodeamon said:
Kenjitsuka said:
That's plain and simple sexual assault, no?

In any case, some in this thread are saying that "he must've also been waaaay drunk", and that is meant as some defense for his actions. Well, NO, he can still remember it. If he would have been truely drunk he'd not remember, for one.
however he did tell his friend about which means he did have some remorse. he could've just kept it a secret. now that would have been truly bad.
Maybe his real reason for telling was to brag?
And then, gauging the reaction, NOT going for the "high five" to celebrate he had intended?
We can't know for sure, so it remains on the table ;)

yes, i did think about a bragging scenario, but somebody who`s bragging doesn`t usually try and explain that it was that bad. and was that a winking face or smiling face? i can't tell with the small font the escapist uses...each one has entirely different hidden meaning so it's good to clarify.....
 

That's Funny

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Well, yeah it is pretty bad. It doesn't matter if they were drunk or not, it was still a pretty bad thing for him to do.

Shame on him.
 

BloatedGuppy

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Raykuza said:
Well, if you want to play it that way, they both chose to get drunk. Together. And I don't particularly want to think of this as a legal matter, because these three people are all friends and (I assume) civilized adults that don't need to immediately litigate in order to solve this issue.

I do think that most of the people posting must be overreacting teetotalers if they really think this guy is a truly bad person for doing something stupid while he was drunk. People do stupid shit when they get drunk. I think he should probably tell her what he did and apologize, but even if he doesn't I still wouldn't think any less of him.
#1. Last time I checked getting drunk did not mean you were free game for anyone who feels like sexually assaulting you.

#2. Being friends and being civilized does not mean that sexual assaults just get rolled under the carpet. And if they are, it's not the assaulter, or the assaulter's friend, who gets to make that call. It's the victim.

#3. "Doing stupid shit while drunk" is supposed to stop well before assaults. I guess we can just forget everything people did while they're drunk, though, eh? Let alone come clean about them, lest the victims of our mayhem think any less of us.
 

iRevanchist

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10. Your reaction was completely and utterly appropriate. Sexual assaulting a woman, and doing while she was unconscious so as to not have the social, legal, or physical, if she was a good kicker, consequences, screams coward to me.