tell me some bad jokes

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Prof. Monkeypox

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Mar 17, 2010
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A friend of mine drowned last week and at his funeral, instead of a wreath, we put a life preserver on his coffin...

...it's what he would have wanted.
 

Oro44

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Jan 28, 2009
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Two guys walk into a bar. I forget how the rest of it goes but the point is your mother is a whore.
 

codeg

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Apr 23, 2011
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Quazimofo said:
CleverNickname said:
I'm just glad you guys didn't make any Holocaust jokes.

They're not funny.

My grandpa died in a concentration camp.

He fell off the watchtower.
hey, thats odd. my grandfather died in one too. some bastard fell on him
Everyone need to stop making Holocaust jokes. Can you Nazi how hurtful they are?

OT: Dead Celebrity Jokes Time!

Michael Jackson:

Doctors are looking into claims that MJ?s death could have been caused by an allergic reaction from eating 12 year old nuts.

What was Michael Jacksons last hit?
The floor

Steve Irwin:

He died the same way he lived...
with animals in his heart
 

Fanfic_warper

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Jan 24, 2011
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'Bad' joke....well I think these are funny:

Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
a: Nothing, you already told her twice.

Q: What do you call a woman with one black eye?
A: A fast learner
 

drumguy818

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Oct 12, 2011
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What's worse than stale popcorn?
9/11...

What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Well, a blonde is a human being that has blonde colored hair and a bowling ball is a round object used for the sport of bowling. :|

So there's this married couple. The wife is about to go into labor, so they drive to the hospital. Once there, the doctor asks them if they would like to try a new machine that transfers a set amount of pain to the father of the child. They decide to try it. They decide to start with 10%, though the doctor mentions that it would probably be the most excruciating amount of pain he will ever feel in his life, despite it being only 10%. They still agree, and they start. The husband actually feels no pain, so they bump it up to 20%. Eventually they go to 50%. Still feeling no pain, the husband says that he should go all the way up to 100%. In the end, a perfectly healthy baby was delivered and neither the husband nor the wife felt any pain. They returned home to find the mailman dead on their porch...
 

tseroff

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Jun 8, 2009
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codeg said:
Quazimofo said:
CleverNickname said:
I'm just glad you guys didn't make any Holocaust jokes.

They're not funny.

My grandpa died in a concentration camp.

He fell off the watchtower.
hey, thats odd. my grandfather died in one too. some bastard fell on him
Everyone need to stop making Holocaust jokes. Can you Nazi how hurtful they are?
I used to make jokes like that all the time. I told them in class occasionally, but I had to stop. I was getting terrible Marx.
 

aprildog18

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Feb 16, 2010
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Dunno if anyone has heard of this yet

How many mice does does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, if they are small enough.
 

Epicspoon

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May 25, 2010
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MrMixelPixel said:
Let's see if I can remember this...

2 guys walk into a bar...

The first guy says: I'd like some h2o!

The second guy says: I'd like some h2o too!

THE SECOND GUY DIED.
OOHHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! Is a funny chemistry joke.
 

Nightmar263

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Jun 15, 2010
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CleverNickname said:
I'm just glad you guys didn't make any Holocaust jokes.

They're not funny.

My grandpa died in a concentration camp.

He fell off the watchtower.
Hey, my grandpa actually did die in a concentration camp. He was hit by some idiot who fell off a guard tower.

EDIT: Damn it, too late
 

Dunkerloop

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Aug 8, 2011
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I wanted to do the "A man walks into a bar, he said ouch" joke, but someone else already did that, so here's a different one:

What's black, white, and red all over?
A penguin in a blender.
 

mikespoff

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Oct 29, 2009
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A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, mate, we've got a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink called Bruce?"
 

ThaBenMan

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Mar 6, 2008
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A priest, a rabbi, and a nonreligious person are flying across the Atlantic Ocean, all for different reasons. There is engine trouble, and one of the wings catches on fire. The plane starts to go down. Luckily, there are enough parachutes for everyone. Evacuation is orderly.
 

Dorian6

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Apr 3, 2009
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Well if you want bad...

What's the difference between a cow and 9/11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.


Knock Knock
Who's there
9/11
9/11 who
You said you'd never forget
 

Epicspoon

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May 25, 2010
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StarCecil said:
The-Epicly-Named-Man said:
Well, I can give you an terrible, offensive, racist, sectarian joke
A black guy, a white guy and a mexican are walking on the beach. They find a lamp. The black picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out. He says he'll grant them each one wish as a reward. The black guy wishes for all the black people in America to be safe and wealthy and happy in Africa. Poof, he's gone. The Mexican asks for all the Mexicans in America to be safe and happy and wealthy in Mexico. Poof, he's gone. The genie looks at the white guy.

"Are all the blacks and mexicans gone?" he asks.

The genie says, "Yes, what would you like?"

"I'll take a Coke."
AHA! Boondok saints. nice.