The Escapist Advice Thread

[MammothBlade]

Step 1: Disconnect your internets cables.

Step 2: Get a pistol.

Step 3: Shoot down said internet cables.

Dear Escapist, how do I brick computer?

 

[Neuromancer]

>Make a large enough hole on the wall.
>Fit the computer in
>Apply cement.

Congratulations. You have bricked computer.

Dear Escapist, how do I tear down the wall?

 

[MammothBlade]

Step 1: Get a crowbar.
Step 2: Get some paint stripper.
Step 3: Get some rotten eggs.
Step 4: Mix the rotten eggs and paint stripper.
Step 5: Splash said mixture over the wall. Use of protective goggles recommended.
Step 6: Attack the wall with said crowbar and enjoy.

Dear Escapist, how do I make cheese omelette?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Get block of cheese, get 5 eggs, salt and pepper. Dump all in a bowl, get a spoon and eat.

Dear Escapist, how do I sleep?

 

[ImperialSunlight]

...Well?
How should I know?

Dear Escapist, how do you deal with bed bugs?

 

[username sucks]

Fill your house with mustard gas, and make sure you stay inside to see if it works.

Dear Escapist, how do I pass calculus?

 

[Teoes]

By cheating. Break in the night before and steal the answers.

Dear Escapist, I want to see if I can drill a hole in my head. What's your advice?

 

[username sucks]

Make your head less blurry so you can see what you're doing.

Dear Escapist, how do I become immortal?

 

[Teoes]

You need your student to strike you down. You will become more powerful than he could possibly imagine.

Dear Escapist, how do I dead?

 

[kailus13]

Ask the nearest murderer.

Dear Escapist, how do I get a better graphics card?

 

[Headsprouter]

Download more RAM.

How do I take my shirt off?

 

[username sucks]

Take a quick dip in a volcano.

Escapist dear how, do I grammar?

 

[Dr.Susse]

You're doing fine.
Just keep throwing Commas and capital letters in whenever you stop to think.

Escapist my dear how do I quit you?

 

[username sucks]

You don't. By creating your profile you agreed to give your soul to the Escapist.

Dear Escapist, how do I get more money?

 

[Dr.Susse]

You need a team of personal and professional bank heist people a la Ocean's 11.

Dear Escapist, How do a fly a plane.......time is a factor.

 

[username sucks]

Pull the handle thing all the way back and press all the buttons. If that doesn't work, smash the controls.

Dear Escapist, how do I get myself to stop procrastinating?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Pour bleach into your eyes, then you have an excuse to NOT work.

Dear Escapist, how do I get my virginity back?

 

[Neuromancer]

Here [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hymenorrhaphy] you go.

Dear Escapist, how do I sleep?

 

[username sucks]

A bullet to the brain will put you in a deep sleep for a long time.

Dear Escapist, how do I improve my technical paper?

 

[Teoes]

Give it to the dog.

Dear Escapist, how do I contain myself?