The Escapist Advice Thread
- Thread starter MrCollins
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Kill their family and make it so FG is all they have left.
Dear Escapist, how do I teach my cat to sing?
Dear Escapist, how do I teach my cat to sing?
Get a box, put the cat in, and don't give it food or water until it sings.
Dar Escapist, how do I math?
Dar Escapist, how do I math?
Tell them someone released poisonous gas and they have to hold their breath. After a while they'll go quiet forever.
Dear Escapist, how do I stop my murderous rages?
Dear Escapist, how do I stop my murderous rages?
Start screaming at random people in the street, then punch the police when they try to talk to you.
Dear Escapist, how can I eat pizza?
Dear Escapist, how can I eat pizza?
Ohkay, ohkay, here's whats gotta do(yes, I am doing this in voice of Phil from the Herculez Disney Movie) kid.
There are four things ya do when ya ask a girl out.
Numbah 1, be brave.
Numbah 2, look good.
Numbah 3, stay classy.
Girls don't like it when guys crap their pants when they are asking them out, they like their men to be brave and muscular. That's why ya gotta start ya training with me before you go and try to start a love life. This stuff is way too complicated to be put into a forum post.
Trust me kid, ya will be Casanova before ya are even able to know that you, yes you, are in a relationship with someone or something, I dun't know what ya like, but you can betcha I will be able to make you to get it in love with you.
*Cough* Ok the strange voice is gone.
Dear Escapist, how can I muster the will to play videogames again?
There are four things ya do when ya ask a girl out.
Numbah 1, be brave.
Numbah 2, look good.
Numbah 3, stay classy.
Girls don't like it when guys crap their pants when they are asking them out, they like their men to be brave and muscular. That's why ya gotta start ya training with me before you go and try to start a love life. This stuff is way too complicated to be put into a forum post.
Trust me kid, ya will be Casanova before ya are even able to know that you, yes you, are in a relationship with someone or something, I dun't know what ya like, but you can betcha I will be able to make you to get it in love with you.
*Cough* Ok the strange voice is gone.
Dear Escapist, how can I muster the will to play videogames again?
Get naked babes to bring you controllers on cushions.
Dear Escapist, how do I cure this sore throat?
Dear Escapist, how do I cure this sore throat?
Loads of prescription painkillers.
Dear Escapist, how do I not fail the biology ethics test again? (yes, I did fail it...)
Dear Escapist, how do I not fail the biology ethics test again? (yes, I did fail it...)
Put "strangle a kitten" for every answer. Biologists have no ethics, they have NO SOULS. THEY ONLY WANT PERFECTION FOR THE COLLECTIVE. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
Dear the Escapist, I suddenly have some black mechanical things sticking out of my body and at random points YOUR BIOLOGICAL DISTINCTIVENESS TO OUR without being aware of it. What should I do?
Dear the Escapist, I suddenly have some black mechanical things sticking out of my body and at random points YOUR BIOLOGICAL DISTINCTIVENESS TO OUR without being aware of it. What should I do?
But I failed it because I wrote on the paper "ethics are pointless and only slow down the advancement of science." It is underlined in red with the words "see me" written next to it.Not G. Ivingname said:
Neuromancer: Give them a slow but certain death.
Dear Escapist, how do I replace my blood with coffee?
I find that a gun pointed at their head is a very solid argument, and a warning shot at the ceiling makes good supporting evidence.
Dear Escapist, how do I get rid of my need to sleep?
Dear Escapist, how do I get rid of my need to sleep?