The Escapist Advice Thread

[EeveeElectro]

Drink yourself into a coma.

Dear Escapist, how do paint a pretty picture?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You spent hours and hours learning colour combination, and then just go wild like Picasso did with this painting.

Spoiler: The Painting

Dear Escapist, I feel sort of ill after last night LAN event, how do I make myself feel better?

 

[Teoes]

Purge yourself with fire and salt.

Dear Escapist, what can do to make a plaster/band-aid stick to me for more than an hour?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Use semen. Other people's is stickier.

Dear Escapist, how do I get #swag?

 

[staika]

Go out in the woods and find the two blue birds. Tell them staika sent you and they'll get you some swag.

Dear Escapist, I seem to be tripping balls now. WHAT DO I DO!?

 

[Teoes]

Drop another tab. It's the only way to be sure.

Use semen. Other people's is stickier.

Heh, I've had a mate wonder what they put on Rizla to make them sticky - I told him it was jizz, right as he started licking it. Mmm, good times.

Dear Escapist, how do I get other peoples' semen?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Ok............give them wine and cheese and just do what comes next.


Dear Escapist, I'm hungry, how do I fix that?

 

[Teoes]

Take a bite out of the closest object that cannot outrun you.

Dear Escapist, how do I get more people into Forum Games?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You build billboards for advertisements and tell them that we have chicks.

Spoiler: THESE KIND OF CHICKS!

Dear Escapist, my copy of Super Mario Sunshine isnt here yet. What do I do about it?

 

[Teoes]

The only thing you can do - throw a tantrum. Then get a copy of F-Zero GX and cleanse yourself in pain.

Dear Escapist, how can I go about bedding all the Forum Games regulars?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Put a big sign up over an innocent looking cave that says "Free sweets for forum gamers and also puppies!"

Dear Escapist, how do I learn to outrun Teoes?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You dont, you dont have the legs for it. So what I would reccomend doing instead is wrapping rockets to your feet to increase your speed.

Dear Escapist, what is best in life for me?

 

[Teoes]

Nothing, I just need to figure out how to cure bad stereotypical accents. What is that? Italian?

Dear Escapist, how do I cure Tizzy?

 

[Teoes]

Have you seen how to do a Red Rocket with a dog? Kinda like that.

Dear Escapist, should I advise Tizzy to not try this in public?

 

[username sucks]

By showing him the logical arguments of not trying it in public. That is all.

Dear Escapist, how do I convince the stupid that aliens did not create all life in the universe?

 

[Teoes]

Show them the bible, for it is the real truth.

Dear Escapist: there's something strange in my neighbourhood. Who am I gonna call?

 

[Teoes]

If it's still warm, it's still game!

Dear Escapist, what's the best way to reheat a corpse?