The Escapist Advice Thread

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You give him sausages and cheese. If he still wants more then YOU FUCKING SLAP THAT ************ AND TELL HIM TO DEAL WITH IT!!!


Dear Escapist, how do I sleep with a full stomach of delicious food?

 

[username sucks]

Well I don't know why you carry around your food in an animal's stomach, but I would eat the delicious food.

Dear Escapist, I am out of coffee. HELP ME I NEED CAFFEINE!

 

[EeveeElectro]

Penis is a good source of caffeine.

Dear Escapist, how do I cure my nymphomania?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You sit down, pick up a needle and threads and just start sewing.

Dear Escapist, how do I wait for the Terraria 1.2 update?

 

[Teoes]

Occupy yourself with a good hard shag.

Dear Escapist, is there anything that isn't made better with a shag?

 

[username sucks]

A mausoleum.

Dear Escapist, what does it feel like to be dead?

 

[Nouw]

Feels good dude ㅇㅅㅇ

Dear Escapist, I'm so beta. What do I do D: ????

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You try to be Alpha.

Dear Escapist, I'm looking for people to play DOTA 2 with. Where do I start?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Run around naked with a sign covering your bum that reads "NEED DOTA 2 PLAYERS!"

Dear Escapist, how do I do you?????????

 

[Teoes]

All you have to do is ask! My body is ready and there's plenty of room on the A-Train. Not because I'm fat.

Dear Escapist, how can I best blackmail Eevee once she's done me?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Tape the whole thing. Then when she is running for office, start the money taking.

Dear Escapist, I'm going to the US in a few days and I dont know what to do. Can you give me an advice on what to do?

 

[Teoes]

1) Tinfoil-wrapped cucumber down your trousers
2) Butterfly knife in your boot
3) Walk through the airport repeatedly proclaiming that your visit "is going to be the BOMB!" that "they won't know what hit them!" and the country "will never be the same again!".

Dear Escapist, how can I see Morsomk again?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Just stop, man. Calling him and crying 8 times a day is getting pathetic.

DEAR ESCAPIST HOW DO I FIX MY CAPS LOCK????!!

 

[username sucks]

JUST KEEP IT ON, IT LOOKS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO READ,

Spoiler: JUST READ THIS COMIC

Dear Escapist, how do I get Miracle of Sound to put out songs faster?

 

[Teoes]

You need 4chan to find Gavin's home address, then you need a gun. Simples.

Dear Escapist, how do I clear up 4chan and make them respectable human beings?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You turn it into a social media website........ohh dear god.

Dear Escapist, how do I get that mental picture out of my head?

 

[Nouw]

Stare at my avatar :>

Dear Escapist, how does one stop talking like this?

 

[Teoes]

Like what? Eh, just use a needle and thread. Sew that mouth up, job jobbed.

Dear Escapist, how do I stop the busker outside from mauling Johnny Cash and putting his songs next to Miley Fucking Cyrus?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

YOU THROW SOME GODDAMN GOOD MUSIC CDS AT HIM AND HOPE THAT HIS MUSICAL TASTE WILL FINALLY BE GOOD!

Dear Escapist, how do I get rid of this pain that I have in my back?