Things that "Final Fantasy" has taught me:

[Jei_your_basic_zombie_humper]

Facts learnt from FFVII but apply to all:

Killing generic Soldiers (Cloud was one at one point remember) is fine, even if it causes their families to starve or end up making the making the necessary amount of angst in their children to create the next generation of heroes.

I can change the main character's name to anything, including PrettyPrincess or RavingGay, and still win the their love interest's heart, save the world, and AND not be laughed at for my name. Though I suggest naming characters what you need to remember about them, e.g. Yuffie: JailbaitNinja, Aeris: Corpse (I got her limit break though HA!), Cait sith: Useless, Vincent: 100%Awesome, Barret: 1/2Man1/2Minigun, and... Tifa: *not going to do Obvious Boob joke*

Humanity will still use Fuels that will kill earth even if there is magic to power everything.
Materia + Mages = Powerplant = Intelligent Answer

Mother Nature is a cruel, elitist and slightly retarded:
She hates you a lot, (even though you are trying to save her). She is always throwing monsters, landslides, snow, rain, thunder and crappy terrain at you.

Her creatures are all have the survival instincts of the last lemming to run after its kin, after watching them run off a cliff and go splat. What does the mack off Blade of DOOM (+4 in "Overcompenstation" with "Ego stroking" abilities) and other pointy (or plushie in some cases) weaponry say to them?

They swallow rings, gil and clothing, these are understandable, if I was eating random travellers I may forget about taking the little bits off before a nibble but...
Swords (MACK OFF SWORD MRK II +? in "WTF" with "How in god's name did it eat this" Abilities)? Staffs and spears (but it was a rabbit)? Shuriken?! Yuffie, I know you are not a goodie-goodie, thieving and all but feeding animals shuriken thats "I'm going to the special hell!" evil. BOMBS?!! COME ON, YUFFIE I'M LOOKING AT YOU!

And her Ecosystem doesn't work (eat each other, NOT ME)!

and Horses don't exist!

 

[Akatsuki_slave]

FFVIII

One belt is never enough.

Synchronized dancing is totally manly.

A long and melodramatic ending cut scene will make an ex-boyfriend tear up, and make said ex think he can sing the ending's song at karaoke. He couldn't.

 

[moderndayvampire]

FFIII
if you wander you WILL make it half way through a high level cave (etc) then when you get attacked and almost killed there will be enemys on every other step on teh way out

 

[Bodb]

You have to be emo to save the world.

 

[Rabid Toilet]

You can become immune to paralysis, poison, several types of cancer, and every other status ailment known to man by wearing a ribbon in your hair.

 

[UnderTheSea]

A key, summon materia, a final limit break and a disk 1 boss can all fit snugly into a tiny metal safe.

 

[TPB Kamikaze]

If you get stronger, then suddenly any bullets you fire will do more damage.

 

[Mr Scott]

Final Fantasy VII on: looking effeminate will hook you up with hot chicks, woo woo!

 

[Gavaroc]

Final Fantasy X taught me two things.

1. Wearing a jacket with only one arm in the sleeve doesn't look as stupid as it sounds.

2. Don't try the Jecht shot at home. Seriously.

 

[smallharmlesskitten]

Final fantasy 8

-a sword+gun = badass weapon even thoug there is no barrel (wtf maybe im confused)-
-its perfectly okay for the best sniper ever to crack under the pressure of his job
when you do ur best move ever in a fight the world goes all glowly and you suddenly develop a bad case of static electrictiy
-Fists do as much damage as a sword (zell)

Final Fantasy 10

-its normal to survive a huge fall after hanging off a collapsing beam (opening sequence)
- Having one arm always help up excpet when fighting, wearing dark glasses, swinging a badass sword and NOT looking like a girly emo kid makes you the coolest dude in existence (and lets u not die as well)
- you can come back from the dead (though perfectly tangible)
- Stuffed animals have minds of their own
- Big breasts + too many belts+ emo = 3 guys who like you instantly

 

[Lvl 64 Klutz]

-All adventures require a metrosexual, a slut, an awkwardly funny guy, a "badass", and a modest but still annoying female.
-Carrying around whole cabins is not only feasible, but pretty much expected.
-Villains, despite being able to achieve their goal of destruction in a single attack, will always do things the hard way.

And of course...

-Squaresoft/Square Enix was founded by a bunch of Star Wars fanboys.

 

[Mr Scott]

Final Fantasy X taught me two things.

1. Wearing a jacket with only one arm in the sleeve doesn't look as stupid as it sounds.

2. Don't try the Jecht shot at home. Seriously.

WORD!

 

[tthor]

Final Fantasy X taught me:


-that you must always wait your turn when fighting random ppl on the street

-that throwing your medication in the air will cause it to instantly take effect

-that u should always have a group of ppl with you just in case you need to beat the crap out of some random person that pops up in front of u

-that if u suddenly see some1 appear in front of u, kill them, since they are odviously planning to kill you(why ELSE would they suddenly walk in front of u?!)

-dont worry if your friends die, you always got your handy phenix downs!

-that carrying a doll around with you will give u magic powers

 

[=Kharhaz=]

When I was playing Final Fantasy 2 and 3 (The american ones? w/e, the ones with Cecil and Kefka in them ( Someone clear all that up for me, I don't know which FF is which)) I was 4 years old, they taught me how to read man, spending hours walking around and reading everything someone has to say...

 

[Sasha Janre]

You can actually stick the kettle on, make a cup of tea and drink it in the time it takes Sephiroth to cast Supernova.

And do it again when Cloud uses Omnislash.

THINGS I LEARNED FROM FF7. (includes the compilation games)
- You can totally get out of jail by winning a race on a giant yellow bird.
- A mad scientist is behind EVERYTHING.
- A fat scientist in a banora white apple juice shirt can totally outrun a first-class mako-infused SOLDIER.
- There 'ARE' thirty somethings! Cid's 32, Barret's .. close to that and Sephiroth, when he went nuts was in his thirties! Plus there's all the crazy execs and ... oh, you meant there's no one over thirty who's a good guy? Hmm.
- It's possible to have long silver hair that goes past your waist and wield a 7ft katana and yet not slice your hair off.
- You CAN survive a stab through the gut by said 7ft katana if you're SO ANGRY enough.

FROM FINAL FANTASY 8:
- In a time compressed future, the only people to survive the trip aside from your party is the card queen, and those who stole away on the Ragnarok to play cards.
- You too can be a rebel faction by plopping on the ground and discussing strategy!
- Firing your dog from your arm is totally acceptable, and in fact, can hit for major damage!
- To win an anti-social, scared-of-abandonment main character's heart, you need to badger him to high heaven for 2 discs, fall unconscious and be used in a twisted time sorceress' plot.

FROM FFXII:
- Standing next to a crystal and a moogle will transport you across the city!
- EVERYONE looks stupid riding a chocobo.
- The manliest character to ever man something (Basch) can look like a total pansy just by the clothes he wore .. which, creepily enough, he yanked off of some dead prisoner guy. What the hell was THAT guy wearing those clothes for

FROM ANY FF:
- EVERYONE has a stupid run except for the main character.
- There's only 1 city/town in the new continents, except for your starting continent, where there's usually 3. (exception: FF8. You were on a tiny island.)

 

[flamedance58]

FFT:

-You can change your profession as many times as you want despite the jarring contrast between them and get all th perks and abilities in a blink of an eye.
-Apparently the entire world is one big sports game when you have Cid, who seems to be able to tell monsters to fuck off anytime he wants.
-There are no measurements other than Squares.
-You can learn to cast powerful death spells, raise people from the dead, and cleave monsters in to pieces..but you can't do all three at once.
-If you port super powerful main characters from another game into your world, their not allowed to have their weapon which is a key factor to their core of existance. (WTF! No Buster Sword )
-Chocobos Pwn All.

FF7:
-Permanent mithril infused hair gel exists.
-Cloud's hair has a bigger erection than he does, no wonder Tifa loves him.
-Just holding a shiny colorful orb lets you command god like creatures to do your every bidding.
-You aren't allowed to just be nice to one person and get into their pants, you have to know how every single word out of your mouth will change the relationships of every being on the planet.
-Your friends don't seem to care that you can turn into the avatar of Chaos which is scarier than the closet monster Sephiroth.
-Even though you weapon changes appearance, you'll always end up wearing the same clothes every day.
-Punching something the size of a 50 story building will hurt it somehow.

FF8:
-Everyone went to the same daycare; and it means something so significant that the world is saved by that fact.
-Using magic to enhance your stats eats memories and makes you go crazy.
-The world is controlled by giant yellow slugs.
-There are special spots which lets you draw magic that could destroy the world, yet no one has tried to monopolize it and take over the planet.
-A girl weighing around 120lbs with no muscle mass can hold her arm straight forward with a 90+ pound dog on it...and fire a boomerang disc with it riding it!
-Compensating for small twigs n' berries is fun! It means more damage!
-You can't simply pay someone for a stupid gold chocobo since no one is allowed to breed chocobos but you.
-Getting hit by a gun, missiles, magical death, giant swords, and stomped by a 90ton robot isn't a instant death sentence.

FF9:
-Frogs are the most powerful things on the planet; Collect Them!
-It's A.O.K to release deadly and powerful monsters roam free in your city so contestants can hunt them down, cause y'know the monsters will never think to damage the city itself.
-The guy who back stabbed you for the 9th time can be considered trustworthy if he gives you some items and promises not to do it again.
-Don't buy stuff for your friends, cause their gonna end up dead anyways.

FF10:
-Your dad is famous, so the fact he's an abusive asshole doesn't change anything.
-Throwing inflatable balls at monsters can hurt them, even if their covered in acid or spikes.
-If you take the time, you can make everyone cast the most powerful spell in the world.
-By combining two orbs, that don't really exist physically, you can make a bomb.
-Despite the fact weapons sometimes look identical you can tell their different somehow despite having no knowledge of the item.
-Everyone shop keeper in the world seems to have infinite amounts of the items they sell and an infinite amount of cash to buy shit off you.

FFX-2:
-It is possible to make Christina Aguilera into a video game.
-Making a game for nothing but pure fan-service and lowering the standards of the world is an excellent idea.
-Targeting young girls with images of pixelated sluts is a great plan.
-Big Breasts + Mini Skirts + Guns = Holy Grail of Video Games.
-Wearing someone's clothes makes you identical and impossible to be found as a fake.
-Auron CAN be a wuss.
-Monsters don't mind waiting as your characters strip off all their clothing to put on something skimpy for your enjoyment.
-Polka-Dotted skimpy two-piece swimsuits are the most protective piece of clothing in the universe.
-Gravity doesn't exist.

FF In General:
-Less clothing = More armor
-Breasts are built in armor points
-Everyone can hold 100lb swords and swing them perfectly with one arm...while drunk.
-Monsters have a use for cash, and can be bribed somehow.
-Giving people nuts will make them trust you and give you free stuff.
-Selling powerful magical relics to random people never comes back to bite you in the butt.
-Cross dressing is the perfect way of getting into someone's room.
-Every storyline has to deal with then end of the world, universe, dimension, mirror world, multi-verse.
-People of the same profession look identical.
-You can carry several hundred different items in your pockets and not run out of space or carry capacity.
-Having the protagonist talk might not be such a bad idea.
-Never try to attack a person with a ribbon on their head; Their Immune!

 

[ZenMonkey47]

-Having the protagonist talk might not be such a bad idea.

Maybe, but at least you'll never see Chrono like this...

 

[Melaisis]

-Having the protagonist talk might not be such a bad idea.

Maybe, but at least you'll never see Chrono like this...

God, I just re-watched that scene. I honestly could never remember it being that corny. Heck, its depressing!

 

[VRaptorX]

I believe that scene was SUPPOSSED to be forced. But yeah...it is cringe worthy.