Things to say when Jehovah's Witnesses are on your doorstep

[inFAMOUSCowZ]

Simple say YOU AIN'T GOT NO PANCAKE MIX and chase them down the street.

 

[UtopiaV1]

Them: "Can you spare a few minutes of your time to talk about Jesus?"
Me: "Yes, so long as you can spare a few minutes to talk about Satan."
Them: *Leave*

 

[cahtush]

sorry, atheist

 

[GiglameshSoulEater]

I love this thread.
Don't open the door, but smear red stuff on your hand and slam against the door windowto leave a hand print.. then slowly slide down the glass and stop moving. See what happens.

 

[Lexodus]

I love this thread.
Don't open the door, but smear red stuff on your hand and slam against the door windowto leave a hand print.. then slowly slide down the glass and stop moving. See what happens.

Ah, genius.
You know, all these ideas are making me wish they came round to my place. Is that wrong? I could then try some of this stuff out, AND have them arrested for trespass again!

 

[VeronicaVirus]

I love this thread.
Don't open the door, but smear red stuff on your hand and slam against the door windowto leave a hand print.. then slowly slide down the glass and stop moving. See what happens.

Holy. I hope they visit me soon because I'm definitely trying this -

Oh wait, we have no glass on our door D;

 

[Spinozaad]

"Sorry, not interested. I would also like it if you would not come here again. Have a nice day and good luck."

No need to be rude. You're not witty, you're just being a ****.

 

[UberNoodle]

Don't say anything, just start beating your head against the wall. It worked for me.

I say to them as nice as possible "Sorry, I'm not interested. Thank you for your time."

There's no point giving them grief or acting like a knobhead.

True, but I think the point may be to get rid of them quickly. The ones around me, at least, don't take "not interested" for an answer.

What, they open the door and walk into your house?

"I'm not interested" *close door*

Done.

 

[MikailCaboose]

When they appeared at my door, they brought my one weakness, lots of pretty girls.

Dang. It was hard not to give them a moment of my time for that.

Ah damn, they've gotten smarter!

 

[SinisterGehe]

Yes I will listen what you have to say, If I may spread the word of Satan to you. I did this once never seen that granny again. Shame she seemed like a nice person.

 

[Antitonic]

Don't say anything, just start beating your head against the wall. It worked for me.

I say to them as nice as possible "Sorry, I'm not interested. Thank you for your time."

There's no point giving them grief or acting like a knobhead.

True, but I think the point may be to get rid of them quickly. The ones around me, at least, don't take "not interested" for an answer.

What, they open the door and walk into your house?

"I'm not interested" *close door*

Done.

Close to it. The ones recently have put their foot in the door as to prevent closing.

 

[Dott]

I've done the below:

Told them I am an atheist.

Told them I am an atheist, followed by "Would you like a cup of tea?"
They promptly left my doorstep.

Told them I am an atheist, followed by "I also burned a bible once."
Don't ask specifically what happened - suffice it to say that they left.

Told them I am a satanist, and that they just interrupted my weekly goat sacrifice.
I almost thought they left my doorstep for good that time.

I told them to gtfo before I called the police, and that I certainly would if they kept ignoring the fact that I am free to have any belief I want to. I told them that they obviously either ignored that fact, or simply didn't care, seeing as they apparently were content with continuin their attempts to convert me to the most twisted and bullshitty version of Christianity I have ever heard of.
"I don't want to deny my children a chance to celebrate Christmas, New Year's Eve, birthday parties, and all the other things you forbid," I told them. "So if you would please leave me alone before I drag you off to the police station for systematic harassment and ignoring my rights of freedom of choice, belief, and so on?"

I haven't seen them at my door since I told them that last thing.
So, the Witnisses of Jehovah were scared off by a 16-year old.

 

[Samwise137]

Last time I ran into them, I was in the middle of a Warhammer 40k tournament wearing a HIM t-shirt with a skull on it and carrying an armload of very strange looking objects (they were warp-storm templates I was spray-painting) the solicitors were noticeably uncomfortable. It was a riot.

 

[MikailCaboose]

Press the button on my door step that releases the trap door to the rancor pit.

And where can I go to have one of those installed? My county commissioners would be too busy with taxes to notice

 

[4nthr4x]

Only wear your boxers. Open the door casually, looking downward. Look tired/sleepy. Then tilt your up head to give them a good look. Then, make a face like you've just seen something truly HORRIFIC.
Scream: 'Oh my god! It's happening today isn't it?'
Run back inside, get your tv, throw it in your car. Ask them to help carry something else. If they don't move, yell: 'Screw you guys! I'm outta here!'
Drive away...

 

[Orhid]

"Sure i'd like to talk about Jebus"

Or put on black glasses saying

"Ahh Mr.Anderson, we have been expecting you"

 

[runnernda]

I was raised Catholic and endured six years of Sunday school and seven years of Catholic school. So I invited one in once and proceeded to challenge and contradict every one of the things they said based on dogma and Bible passages. They haven't come back to my house since.

 

[Aerodyamic]

I ask them to leave my property before I am forced to call the police, to have them removed.

Proselytizing annoys the hell out of me.

 

[Palademon]

"Wait, only 200,000 people will be saved? That's less than a county of my country. And you think someone who isn't already a devoted witness will be saved? I understand it now; by trying to save people you're trying to get on that list."