Useless Superpower

[Agayek]

The ability to smell in the dark would be pretty useless.

Depending on the level of ability, that could actually be fairly useful. Human-level senses would be fairly useless, but if you could somehow reach a canine or ursine level, you may as well just be able to see.

OT - Mine would have to be the ability to spontaneously combust, yet retain my innate burnability.

 

[Agayek]

The ability to maintain spiritual balance. I really don't give a crap about spiritual balance so all it ever does for me is go haywire and split me into a good me and an evil me, at which point the evil me runs amok and causes problem for everyone. It's a real pain.

Someone's been watching Jackie Chan Adventures.

...

Now I suddenly have the urge to find a torrent for that show and watch it again. Nostalgia can be a cruel mistress.

The power of Heart. What the fuck can you do with heart?

The kid in the show was able to talk to animals and whatnot. That's not that useless, to be perfectly honest.

 

[Faux Furry]

The ability to fly, but only while on board an aircraft.

-m

These guys must have the power of Ninja Posting, though that isn't so useless if one owns a website about useless super powers.
http://superuseless.blogspot.com/2009/01/blog-post.html

Anyway, the ability to disintegrate anything one comes into contact with using one hand while the other produces a perfect duplicate down to the last molecule of whatever was obliterated by it's opposite instantaneously. (For example:A person with a terminal illness is going to be replaced by a newly born person with a terminal illness who falsely believes that he or she has been living long with their pain and that she/he has anyone other than the person who created him/her for said pain.)Such a power would be somewhat non-conducive to conquest of mankind or liberating the oppressed.
If one hand is closed, disabled or detached, the other would lose access to its super power.

Okay, so this could be potentially useful is utilized creatively, like for squeezing large objects through small openings by putting one hand on the object and another through the opening or to kill someone only to replace them with an exact duplicate who thinks that she/he is the person who was reduced to sub-atomic particles or to free someone who is about to die anyway from wreckage surrounding them(leaving the perfect clone do enough living for the both of them), but, like context-sensitive super powers (Aqua Man could hold complete control over all of the fishing rights on the surface using his sub-sea telepathy and sink ships all over the globe)or non-combat oriented super power ideas, it has few applications for world domination or fighting off super villains(or even muggers).

How about: The power to shrink thumbnail images by using the power contained in one of the user's thumbnails but only images the size of the user's own thumbnails.

Also, the power to duplicate anyone's posts online at any time, any where.

Add-on: The ability to repeatedly slow any internet connection that one uses to a crawl but only if it isn't on purpose.

 

[Jungy 365]

The ability to heal only if the wound is inflicted by a badger.

 

[hamasins]

Really, a lot of the stock ones (controlling fire, telekinesis, etc.) would be pretty useless in everyday life haha. Unless you were a firefighter or a solider or something.

Heh I can think of some things that can be done with telekinesis :3.... Infact multiple things... Sometimes I hate my brain :S

 

[Hugh Wright]

Five pages and no one has posted this?

[http://www.superstupor.com/sust11262007.shtml]

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

The ability to communicate with plants. Useless. What interesting thing would grass have to say?

depends on what kind of grass. i bet the grass outside of important places would have some good stories. and if you could talk to all plants, and some cute local girl has a tree outside her window...
okay, my mind is wandering. point is, don't write it off as a fun superpower. i bet roses are bitches.

anyway, as for my superpower, i'd have the ability to turn any food into overcooked pasta. but i guess that would be useful for enemies, so the ability that makes me squawk like a macaw whenever i've got a karaoke mic in front of me.

 

[Viral_Lola]

The ability to shapeshift into a bucket of water.

Really, what were those twins called from that one TV show? There was a girl and a guy, and when they shapeshifted the guy was always a bucket of water and the girl was always slightly more useful, but not that much more. I can't think of their names nor the name of the show, but those two characters sucked. They were completely useless.

Also, I would love the ability to teleport like in Jumper. I would never actually draw attention to myself, but I would save tons of money on gas. Teleport into a store, buy what I want, and then teleport out right in front of everyone. Awesome. Who needs secrecy?

It was a Cartoon network skit/short about the Wondertwins.

I guess the power to grow your hair super fast?

 

[Hydro Imp]

Time travel, but only to go back and use a witty comeback for an argument.

 

[Ajna]

InB4SomeoneSaysHeart.

I have no intention of reading through five pages of replies to ensure no one has said this yet, but:

Heart was an awesome superpower in the context of that show, if you actually think about it. The guy/girl (I forget) who had that power basically had the power of mind control. But since s/he was a goody two-shoes, s/he would never use it on innocents, and the villains were always immune because "YOU'RE HEARTLESS!" (As the Planeteers would shout). But if Joe Shmo had that power, it'd kick ass.

My useless super power: A photographic memory. But only for print ads.

 

[Fledge]

The power to see one second into the future.

That could actually be really useful if your job involved lots of martial arts or GUNS

 

[smithy_2045]

The power of Heart. What the fuck can you do with heart?

Bleed on people?

 

[irrelevant83]

The power to see one second into the future.

That's not completely useless. You'd be allowed to tailgate with impunity!

 

[munx13]

The ability to turn invisible while nobody is looking.

 

[irrelevant83]

The power to not believe in the world around him, but only if I suffer from leprosy.

 

[irrelevant83]

The ability to write a groundbreaking original novel that has already been written.

 

[Cipher1]

A super sense of decorum that or a super sense of taste what the hell could you do with that.

 

[Biosophilogical]

To Sing!!! in space....

To create a single skittle once a day ... in space ... three million light years away in a random direction.

Though I guess if there are aliens, and one of them happens to be exactly three million light years away conducting a schrodinger's cat experiment and I accidentally make a skittle in his box ... well that could seirously throw off his civilisation's entire understanding of quantum mechanics

EDIT:

The ability to change the color of your piss.

OMG!

The ability to change the color of your piss.

That sounds like fun! I actually want rainbow piss now.

Me too! Also, if someone stands next to you at a urinal (how rude!), freak tehm out with glowing green piss.

 

[Kud]

The power to see one second into the future.

That could be the one second that saves you from being shot. You'd be like Neo.