I can't think of anything anyone said to me, off the top of my head. My girlfriend, however, has a sister that's transsexual (so it's a brother now). When that sister told one of her male friends she was getting a sex-change, his reply was apparently "I have wanted to see you naked in my bed for a long time."
Huh? Are you actually trying to say that women don't have sexual fantasies unless they've been traumatized in relation to them?
... Wow. I can't believe no woman in this thread has snapped at you yet. Sexual fantasies are based on personal preference and what ideas you find exciting. Women with rape fantasies probably wouldn't find actual rape exciting, but they can still get aroused the *idea* of rape, particularly if they haven't experienced how sucky it can be themselves. By your logic, everyone who has an excrement fetish has sometime been shat on, and everyone who likes to have sex with people who still have their socks on have been attacked by a pack of rabid socks while on a forest excursion.
Undoubtedly, what you say is the reason is true for *some* women. But most certainly not all, or even close to all of them. You say the source of your information is a contact at a sexual abuse clinic. Well, of course the women with that fantasy that hang out at a sexual abuse clinic have been sexually abused! The women who haven't would have no reason to go there and talk about their fantasies! Your statistics are skewed by the simple fact that the non-abused women aren't part of the studies.
Also, the "50%" figure comes from a previous post, stating that according to surveys about 50% of all women have this fantasy.
OK - it is TRUE that a lot of women have fantasies - not all but I'd say most. There are a good number of women (I don't have a percentage but I'd go as far as to say 50% isn't unreasonable) who have some kind of 'force' fantasy. The highest number of these are the women who fantasise about CONSENSUAL sex with a trusted parter (or fantasy figure i.e. someone famous or someone they invented) that involves 'rough play'. The extreme end of the scale are women who fantasise about full on rape, and in some cases gang rape, these are in the serious minority.
BUT most people with "EXTREME FETISHES" as you say probably do have some trauma in their history, the very nature of the term extreme and fetish indicate it is beyond the parameters of normal sexual conduct.
It is more than reasonable to say that a certain % of these woman develop these fantasies as coping mechanisms to deal with some form of abuse. Not all of them however, some are developed out of the excitement of losing control (much like high powered MALE executives have fantasies about being treated as a subordinate/slave/baby - a release from the weight on them)
This is documented and proveable, I don't believe in all cases acting out a 'force' or rape fantasy with your partner is doing them damage. Most guys are savvy enough to know if their partner is in distress or not and if they 'lose it' after the sexual encounter. There are a number of women who should seek help for this trauma, but it is a blanket statement to say that ALL women who fantasise about a degree of dominance in their partner is suffering from the aftermath of sexual abuse.
I think its fair to say that some men share these fantasies to a degree. I'm not talking about genuine rape, just a degree of control, maybe just a certian position that makes him feel powerful and there isn't anything unhealthy about that providing your partner is happy about it. Power play is very common in sexual relationships, some people may not even be aware of it in those terms, women dominating men is a very PC topic because we see it on TV so much in a possitive light, but the minute you say a man dominating a woman part of us recoils as though it is abuse and this isn't always the case.
Again, it's not just sexual abuse, and it's not just women. This is how humans work.
People who display extreme behaviors tend to be victims of abuse. Whether they're acting out sexually, or emotionally, or physically. Having fun in the sack is good. It's fine. Recreating past traumas with a victimized person is not. While it's true that not EVERYONE who displays these behaviors are like this, a LOT of them are. People have gone to counseling for a lot less after all.
Anyways, this has clearly been done to death by now, and I guess we can all agree to disagree.
For anyone else interested in this however, I recommend listening to the radio show Loveline.
You can find years worth of episodes online. The show has been on the air since 1983, and it's still going strong. Very informative, and it also deals with addiction and addict behaviors.
I never said 50%. I don't know where you got that percentage from, but it wasn't me. And it's no mystery that when people display certain behaviors, it can almost always be traced back to an event that caused a significant reaction in that individual. If you seem to be meeting a lot of girls who behave that way, then I am lead to believe it is because you give off a sense of being dangerous, or abusive, and these girls are attracted to you because you recreate the trauma they went through, which has now become a source of arousal to them. (Because of the self defense mechanism I talked about in my other post.) This does not mean you yourself are raping them or in fact doing anything wrong, per say, but they need to meet with a counselor or therapist, because this behavior will ultimately damage them further in the long run.
And you should probably not try to encourage this behavior in them.
It's not actually that bizarre a facet of the human psyche. According to wikipedia, more women have rape fantasies than men (one in ten men, as opposed to fully half of women, if I remember rightly). A lot of it comes from hormonal reactions to confident, dominant men, and some of it from the primitive desperations and needs to reproduce of our prehistoric ancestors. Even primates have been known to force themselves upon each other. I'm not saying that such acts are acceptable, just understandable that they could be fantasies.
Which was confirmed by this article. [http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2372/is_1_45/ai_n24383385/pg_4]
Also, your assertion about my giving off the vibe of being dangerous or abusive is incorrect. I am an extremely kind and even tempered man. I am very slow to anger and I do volunteer work every weekend. I give my girlfriend gifts randomly and I am very nice to her. So either the person that abused her was very sweet to her or she has this fetish for other reasons. Also, you've yet to answer my question about what credentials you have or where you are getting all this from. Please give me something to back up what you're saying because it sounds like hogwash to me.
Again, it's not a fetish. In fact, girls usually don't have fetishes. (Some do, but for the most part, fetishes are a guy thing. And we don't fully understand what causes fetishes yet. However, we do know what causes certain specific behaviors in people.)
And as for my source, my mother works as a counselor for a sexual abuse clinic for women.
And as for you, all I can say is this: Unless your girlfriend has received help for whatever trauma she suffered, she will recreate instances of that trauma in her relationships until she does recieve help.
The fact that you enable this behavior in her, creates the illusion of you being dangerous or abusive. By pretending to "rape" her or choke her, you are reenacting that trauma with her.
i agree with this guy but as far as i am aware the sexual abuse doesnt have to be rape it could be anything like walkin in on your mum and dad having sex at a or watching porn young age these scenarios can also bring about some sort of "rape fantasy" as a young mind wont be able to distinguish between someone in pleasure or someone in pain they also need help but be careful how you go about it my ex was keeping something from me and she clearly needs help for whtever it was but the minute i told her that she could tell me anything and that i was here to help she split up with me this was before christmas and she still refuses to talk to me about anything now ...so yeah be very careful on how your going to approach it
Oh, and there's one girl who told me she thought Venom was hot. Not Eddie Brock. Venom.
Me: (on MSN, with my display pic as an awesome picture of Venom I had found)
Her: Oh, that's an awesome picture. I love Venom.
Me: Yeah, he's the shit.
Her: He's hot. Especially the tongue.
Me: Now you think Venom's hot? You've got the worst taste in guys.
Her: No, I'd rape him.
Me: ........ I need a symbiot.
Like I said, it's all a joke. But I never expected to hear anyone talk about Venom like that. :S
Dude I had an ex the exact same way, turns out she was bi-polar
Probably this time on a bus (also in NYC... Why did I used to hang out there so much?) where the conversation went kind of like this.
guy: You don?t seem very afraid of me.
Me: Um... No... I?m good
guy: Well its just, a lot of "upstate" girls see a black guy and they kind of cower but your not afraid.
me: No... I'm fine...
guy: Where are you going?
me: 90th street
guy: Oh that?s a long way. Do you want a ride?
me: No its okay, thanks though.
The guy gets off at the next stop...
I think he was trying to mug me...
I got that, girl spent the entire summer after me and I didn't know whether I liked her or not, and when I'd finally made my decision she pulled that one on me =S
Yeah thing is that I liked her too. I just thought it was weird that she gave me this "I'm gonna bang your brains out" kind of passionate hug and tells me that then gets with some prick.
I say some prick because he eventually crushed her soul...but I like to think that's because there is a god and that this god is as bitter as I am about people fucking with me .
Got a new one since I stepped outside onto the harsh world. And school.
Her: I love your hair (apparently my hair doesn't smell like piss and doesn't feel like sand)
Me: Thanks, I guess...
Her: So, do you wanna be my boyfriend or what?
Damn some people are weird.
I also managed to talk to that chick i liked.
me: Hey x, you remember me from z years ago?
Her: Who the hell are you?
Im officially dead on the inside.
Got a new one since I stepped outside onto the harsh world. And school.
Her: I love your hair (apparently my hair doesn't smell like piss and doesn't feel like sand)
Me: Thanks, I guess...
Her: So, do you wanna be my boyfriend or what?
Damn some people are weird.
I also managed to talk to that chick i liked.
me: Hey x, you remember me from z years ago?
Her: Who the hell are you?
Im officially dead on the inside.
So you turned down a chick, and then got crushed by another...There's a joke or insult in there somewhere, meh welcome back to the internet, here people care less but in a funny way.
But that wasn't weird it was just harsh. Weird was a girl told me i reminded her of her brother. Which was certainly odd aswe were sort of dating at the time.
Got a new one since I stepped outside onto the harsh world. And school.
Her: I love your hair (apparently my hair doesn't smell like piss and doesn't feel like sand)
Me: Thanks, I guess...
Her: So, do you wanna be my boyfriend or what?
Damn some people are weird.
I also managed to talk to that chick i liked.
me: Hey x, you remember me from z years ago?
Her: Who the hell are you?
Im officially dead on the inside.
So you turned down a chick, and then got crushed by another...There's a joke or insult in there somewhere, meh welcome back to the internet, here people care less but in a funny way.
A guy i work with said "I'd turn gay for you" and "i wanna have David's babies" this week. another said: "i can taste REALNAME in the back of my throat" WTF????
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