What would you buy to make the cashier wonder what the hell you're into?

[asinann]

3 Whiffle bats
A jar of blackberry preserves
A rubber chicken
1 box of tiny condoms
2 teddy bears with music boxes inside
A parrot

 

[RathWolf]

Absolutely nothing. I'd just go up, hand over a five, and tell them paper, not platic. If they inquire further, look at them like they're crazy.

 

[brunothepig]

Gotta love xkcd.
Also, the rollover text on the site is "Fun game: find a combination of two items that most freaks out the cashier. Winner: Pregnancy test and single coat hanger."
So, I'm going to go with that. You can't really beat it.
EDIT: Image won't work for me, if it isn't working for you then here's a link.
http://xkcd.com/236/

 

[ClaptonKnophlerHendrix]

Chocolate sauce, rubber gloves, six grapes and a plunger.

 

[RowdyRodimus]

Go to the convienience store and buy a gallon of milk, a lighter and pay for a gallon of gas-promptly pour the milk out and use the container for the gas and then walk towards a school. (Ok, so that happened to me and a friend one time because he was too cheap to get his gas gauge repaired)

 

[Dogstile]

Well me and my best friend both bought condoms at the same time (2 different boxes!)
and the cashier lady thought we were gay together so she asked how long we've been together.

most awkward moment of my life

So, you're still in the closet, then.

I kid. Been in simalar situations myself. I even went along with the charade, once.

Me and my friends actually kissed in front of a cashier once Funny stuff.

If the cashier turned to you and said "Excuse me sir, it looks like you've got something on your lip... Her."
Then you probably met me.

OT:
I got some odd looks from my colleagues when I bought 12 bottles of wine, six bottles of blueberry vodka (reduced to clear!) two bottles of whisky (one scotch, one irish)and a packet of apples.

I was kissing a dude because the cashier thought I was gay and we didn't want to disappoint the man so it couldn't have been you

And yes, I was drunk at this point.

 

[Slick Samurai]

Fireworks
Lubricant
Condoms
A Guitar
Several Porn Magazines
and The Holy Bible

Should get a few glances.

If that fails, simply try a rag and a bottle of chloroform. 75% chance the cashier will stop you.

 

[bob-2000]

Whipped cream, rubber gloves, a dog bone, condoms, 3 oranges and a watermelon.

 

[Pegghead]

A Justin Bieber cd

A-It's a CD and who buys them anymore

B-Justin Bieber (Or should I say Bber)...'nuff said

 

[Phishfood]

two parter for you.

1) Go to checkout with a box of condoms, but pretend to not have enough money
2) Come back with cling film and rubber bands

 

[ENKC]

I'd buy a gimp mask, handcuffs, two paperclips and a rubber band. Then say "Hey, even MacGyver needs some recreation."

 

[f0re1gn]

Chuck Palahniuk had a thing in one of his stories on this topic. Don't remember what exactly, but it was something very very nasty.

 

[Yumi_and_Erea]

-A fine set of steak-knives.
-A large jar of marshmellow fluff.
-An extra-small jock-strap.
-A vacuum cleaner.
-Half a dozen felt tip pens.
-A fishing rod.
-And the collector's edition DVD box-set of the Friday the Thirteenth movies.

Free cookie for the people that get it.

 

[JEBWrench]

If you're female: A pregnancy test and a single coat hanger.
.

This is more comical if they're made as two purchases, spaced out by whatever time the pregnancy test takes.

 

[replingham153]

20 rolls of toilet paper, matches, a lighter, oil, pen and paper, and a "I'm sorry" card (with CAKE!!!)

 

[BlindMessiah94]

You ever go into a store only needing to buy condoms, but then you don't want to look like a perv so you buy shit you don't need with it? Like Toothbrushes, soap, stationary, a candy bar, and some condoms?

...


yeah ...

 

[Tharwen]

Dog food, handcuffs and a padlock.