Why do people always try to excuse failed attempts at romance?

[darlarosa]

Don't take it personally I just need to rant off some steam.

Seriously? Why?

So often people try to excuse failed relationship attempts by saying that nice guys never get the girl, guys only want a girl who looks like X, he only wants someone easy, she's a golddigger, etc. etc.

Sometimes those excuses have some basis in fact but half the time it seems like people are just whining. Firstly, you think your a nice guy, doesn't mean you are, the girl could have a good personality/ if he's not attracted to you the relationship will probably suffer to begin with, etc. etc.

To me it always seemed kind of...honestly pathetic. I'm not talking about being broken up with, I'm talking about someone asking someone out and getting turned down...I understand it's disappoint, but...honestly does a person have to vilify other people to make themself feel better? It seems like a poor character trait, and an unhealthy way to live instead of just accepting it and moving onto greener pastures

 

[DevilWithaHalo]

...she's a golddigger, etc. etc.

Had a roommate that went out with a girl and never heard from her. He contacted a mutual friend to inquire what was going on, word for word; "he wouldn't be able to fulfill my monetary requirements." Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but...

Sometimes the reasons are pretty obvious. Best part about that roommate was swapping stories of who had to deal with the shittier date. He usually won, that unlucky bastard.

 

[Phasmal]

Some people can't deal with rejection, so if it happens it's easier for them to pretend there's no way it could be anything they did.
My sister had an ex who when she dumped him had to go around telling everyone he had dumped her, because he couldn't handle the fact that he'd gotten dumped. Some people are just like that.

If you are rejected it's really no big deal, it will hurt- but becoming bitter about it just usually leads to generalising and then people not liking you because you are so bitter.

 

[Able Seacat]

I guess some people feel the need to bash someone who's turned them down, it is childish though. But just think, if someone is throwing insults at someone just because they got rejected and for no other reason, then rejecting them seems like the right choice.

 

[Realitycrash]

Seriously? Why?

Because there always IS an excuse? "She cheated/He Cheated, He Does Drugs/She Does Drugs, He's too insecure/She's too insecure", etc. Whatever you want, there is always an excuse. The question you want to ask is "Why do people so often blame others for their own failings?"

 

[darlarosa]

Seriously? Why?

Because there always IS an excuse? "She cheated/He Cheated, He Does Drugs/She Does Drugs, He's too insecure/She's too insecure", etc. Whatever you want, there is always an excuse. The question you want to ask is "Why do people so often blame others for their own failings?"

The thing that gets me though is its not always a "failing", sometimes people go around making excuses when the reason something didn't work out was that they just weren't compatible on a deeper level. Like it's no major loss or anything except to a bit of pride maybe...

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

As everyone else pretty much said, some people don't like getting rejected and surely it's nothing THEY could have done, because they are perfect, they are incapable of doing or being wrong.

There's another camp of people who feel like it's their own fault if they get rejected "What did I do wrong? am I ugly? Did I say the wrong thing?"

 

[Soviet Steve]

People with low self-esteem try to ignore or dismiss their own failures in order to protect the remains of their self-esteem. People who have been dumped or have trouble with women and people with low self-esteem have some overlap I think. Hence it makes sense that you'd see a lot of people attempting to justify it.

You may also notice a higher rate of people doing it because the ones that don't are almost completely invisible. Unless the ladies use a virtual boy, those will sniff out anything.

 

[Realitycrash]

Seriously? Why?

Because there always IS an excuse? "She cheated/He Cheated, He Does Drugs/She Does Drugs, He's too insecure/She's too insecure", etc. Whatever you want, there is always an excuse. The question you want to ask is "Why do people so often blame others for their own failings?"

The thing that gets me though is its not always a "failing", sometimes people go around making excuses when the reason something didn't work out was that they just weren't compatible on a deeper level. Like it's no major loss or anything except to a bit of pride maybe...

Then that is the excuse. "We weren't compatible on a depper level".

 

[Realitycrash]

Seriously? Why?

Because there always IS an excuse? "She cheated/He Cheated, He Does Drugs/She Does Drugs, He's too insecure/She's too insecure", etc. Whatever you want, there is always an excuse. The question you want to ask is "Why do people so often blame others for their own failings?"

The thing that gets me though is its not always a "failing", sometimes people go around making excuses when the reason something didn't work out was that they just weren't compatible on a deeper level. Like it's no major loss or anything except to a bit of pride maybe...

Then that is the excuse. "We weren't compatible on a deeper level".

 

[Colour Scientist]

I suppose it's never nice to realise that someone just isn't that into you. Also, maybe people start bad-mouthing the person in question because they're paranoid that the other person might start doing it first. Projection is a dangerous thing. I suppose after getting rejected, the last thing you want is pity.

 

[darlarosa]

Seriously? Why?

Because there always IS an excuse? "She cheated/He Cheated, He Does Drugs/She Does Drugs, He's too insecure/She's too insecure", etc. Whatever you want, there is always an excuse. The question you want to ask is "Why do people so often blame others for their own failings?"

The thing that gets me though is its not always a "failing", sometimes people go around making excuses when the reason something didn't work out was that they just weren't compatible on a deeper level. Like it's no major loss or anything except to a bit of pride maybe...

Then that is the excuse. "We weren't compatible on a depper level".

There is a difference between reasons and excuses.

Excuses are not necessarily true, aren't something that should really have an impact, or have no real relation to the incident:
I missed work because I just felt like sleeping today

Reasons:
I missed work because my kid was throwing up.

Maybe thats just me

At least in my mind that is a kind of difference. I don't consider someone not wanting to go out with another person, a failing on the part of the asker. At least not always, sometimes a person is simply not attracted to another for a variety of reasons, it does not mean that one person doesn't like the other.
I would say a personal failing would be more like being a jerk and thinking that someone should wanna go out with them.

 

[Vault101]

they want to make up other excuses like

WHY DO GIRLS ONLY LIKE DOUCHE'S

are they really douches? or are they douches because they arn't you?

of coarse thats just one specific example....relationships fail due to problems on both sides

 

[TheNamlessGuy]

DELETED

 

[Fappy]

People look for self validation in the dismissal of others. In many cases its just denial. If you feel like you're lying to yourself to make yourself feel better... you're probably lying to yourself.

 

[LetalisK]

People with low self-esteem try to ignore or dismiss their own failures in order to protect the remains of their self-esteem. People who have been dumped or have trouble with women and people with low self-esteem have some overlap I think. Hence it makes sense that you'd see a lot of people attempting to justify it.

You may also notice a higher rate of people doing it because the ones that don't are almost completely invisible.

*reads last sentence*

*blinks, smiles, then runs off to the women's locker room*

 

[Vault101]

]Well the thing is I know women do find confidence sexy so there is a chance you'd be attracted to guys who end-up just being full of themselves. It also helps that those sorts of guys also tend to be good looking. The shy insecure types will get overlooked because they aren't assertive enough. I'm not saying being "friend zoned" is the rule, or that or that the guy always had a shot to begin with, but our behavior DOES effect how you see us.

But yeah, it's usually jealousy.

and I actually wouldnt want to go out with a guy with serious self esteem issues and all kinds of baggage

there is this comic I;m reading which unfortuatly I don't have with me (I wish I could get this conversation) but one of the charachters has an interesting look at the "nice guy" thing saying

"she [hot popular chick] needs to be adored by somone SHE adores...not somone "nice" like you who she'll marry and them blame 20 years later for dragging her down"

 

[Artemicion]

The only excuse I've used for my failed relationship is "she was kind of crazy".

And it is totally true.