Why do people always try to excuse failed attempts at romance?

[Faraja]

As someone who's been rejected by every member of the female sex he's ever asked out except for one (who tried to get me to marry her so she could stay in the country), I can understand why. Several of my friends are actually very nice guys, and they have a very hard time getting a women stay with them. They have an ever harder time finding women that will even go out on one date. So, saying 'nice guys finish last', or that 'nice guys don't get the girl' actually has a very strong base of support.

Trying to say that they're just looking for an excuse, or someone to blame, is actually a bit hypocritical, really. Especially when your own arguments are accusatory. If you had that kind of track record, while watching all the guys that are actually pretty big douches go through women like water, don't you think you'd be a bit bitter?

 

[soh45400]

Don't take it personally I just need to rant off some steam.

Seriously? Why?

So often people try to excuse failed relationship attempts by saying that nice guys never get the girl, guys only want a girl who looks like X, he only wants someone easy, she's a golddigger, etc. etc.

Sometimes those excuses have some basis in fact but half the time it seems like people are just whining. Firstly, you think your a nice guy, doesn't mean you are, the girl could have a good personality/ if he's not attracted to you the relationship will probably suffer to begin with, etc. etc.

To me it always seemed kind of...honestly pathetic. I'm not talking about being broken up with, I'm talking about someone asking someone out and getting turned down...I understand it's disappoint, but...honestly does a person have to vilify other people to make themself feel better? It seems like a poor character trait, and an unhealthy way to live instead of just accepting it and moving onto greener pastures

So you get to let of steam and guys don't? That's why they do it.
I am not into dating or such stuff despite knowing women who have flirted with me and threads like these and and terrible articles about it popping up on Cracked time and again make me much less inclined to try.
It just makes my blood boil seeing members of my gender getting heart broken again and again and not getting any sympathy and constantly being told to man-up, feminism saying men can have feelings be damned.

Yet when it is a girl, they get all the sympathy they need and are never told to man up or behave in a certain way if they can't get a guy.

 

[rbstewart7263]

Op:

I get it I was there too but if you ever have the misfortune to be so in love as to be brought low....well your pride kinda says sayonara. lol

I was brought low enough to call a suicide hotline. not suicidal mind you but I was so desperate for someone to talk to and I felt Id bothered my friends enough with it. nice people really


edit: nevermind I get what your talking about now. Completely misread your post your talking about when people go "That stupid ***** dont know wat she missin" lol

Yeah we fail and it sucks.

 

[darlarosa]

Don't take it personally I just need to rant off some steam.

Seriously? Why?

So often people try to excuse failed relationship attempts by saying that nice guys never get the girl, guys only want a girl who looks like X, he only wants someone easy, she's a golddigger, etc. etc.

Sometimes those excuses have some basis in fact but half the time it seems like people are just whining. Firstly, you think your a nice guy, doesn't mean you are, the girl could have a good personality/ if he's not attracted to you the relationship will probably suffer to begin with, etc. etc.

To me it always seemed kind of...honestly pathetic. I'm not talking about being broken up with, I'm talking about someone asking someone out and getting turned down...I understand it's disappoint, but...honestly does a person have to vilify other people to make themself feel better? It seems like a poor character trait, and an unhealthy way to live instead of just accepting it and moving onto greener pastures

So you get to let of steam and guys don't? That's why they do it.
I am not into dating or such stuff despite knowing women who have flirted with me and threads like these and and terrible articles about it popping up on Cracked time and again make me much less inclined to try.
It just makes my blood boil seeing members of my gender getting heart broken again and again and not getting any sympathy and constantly being told to man-up, feminism saying men can have feelings be damned.

Yet when it is a girl, they get all the sympathy they need and are never told to man up or behave in a certain way if they can't get a guy.

OMG did you not read my post?
My examples were presented from both sexes, and did no where I claim those examples encompassed all of people's usual BS. My original post indicates that all people are made up of 75-85% bull shit.
NOTHING NOTHING ABOUT THIS THREAD HAS TO DEAL WITH FEMINISM or GENDER AT ALL!

D< can only express angry face at you and disappoint :/.

 

[Doclector]

Apart from the girl that dumped me (who was, seriously, downright evil. I can't be arsed to tell this story again at 3:00 am) I don't remember doing that. I get that I suck at anything relationship related. Honestly, it fucking annoys me when people just assume this shit about me. Stop it. Right. Fucking. Now.

Goddamit, now I'm pissed off. I was about to go to bed. Now I'm pissed off again.

It does annoy me that there's pretty much one chance to learn how to do this while everyone else is learning. Nobody will tolerate cluelessness after that. However, that's normal people, they're normal, they can't be blamed for that, I can be blamed for failing.

Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to drink until I don't want to kill people anymore.

 

[Phasmal]

Snip.

You do know this thread isn't about you specifically, right?
If it doesn't apply to you, why are you getting mad about it?

 

[SkullKing84]

I had a few ex girlfriends say that I was too nice. Later in life I ran into some of them... all they did was whine on how I was so good to them and the guy they married is such a jerk... blah blah blah... One of them thought i was in the closet because I was so nice to them. I feel bad for them but at the same time I don't. In the end, my wife saw how much of a "sweet guy" I am and we have been together for over 10 years now.

Captcha: Date of expiration
Oh, Captcha... what are you trying to tell me? lol

 

[Doclector]

Snip.

You do know this thread isn't about you specifically, right?
If it doesn't apply to you, why are you getting mad about it?

For one thing, because I've had a bad night, including having to deal with this kind of bullshit on facebook in the first place. From someone who I thought knew better, no less, I guess that's one person who I can add to my "not to be trusted" list.

And for another thing, I've had to cope with this a lot recently. This whole sexism thing blowing up, apparantly because I have a dick I AM a dick. I have had it with being put in that little box. I almost want to give up on trying to be a good person because people seem to be guessing that I'm an asshole anyway.

 

[soh45400]

Don't take it personally I just need to rant off some steam.

Seriously? Why?

So often people try to excuse failed relationship attempts by saying that nice guys never get the girl, guys only want a girl who looks like X, he only wants someone easy, she's a golddigger, etc. etc.

Sometimes those excuses have some basis in fact but half the time it seems like people are just whining. Firstly, you think your a nice guy, doesn't mean you are, the girl could have a good personality/ if he's not attracted to you the relationship will probably suffer to begin with, etc. etc.

To me it always seemed kind of...honestly pathetic. I'm not talking about being broken up with, I'm talking about someone asking someone out and getting turned down...I understand it's disappoint, but...honestly does a person have to vilify other people to make themself feel better? It seems like a poor character trait, and an unhealthy way to live instead of just accepting it and moving onto greener pastures

So you get to let of steam and guys don't? That's why they do it.
I am not into dating or such stuff despite knowing women who have flirted with me and threads like these and and terrible articles about it popping up on Cracked time and again make me much less inclined to try.
It just makes my blood boil seeing members of my gender getting heart broken again and again and not getting any sympathy and constantly being told to man-up, feminism saying men can have feelings be damned.

Yet when it is a girl, they get all the sympathy they need and are never told to man up or behave in a certain way if they can't get a guy.

OMG did you not read my post?
My examples were presented from both sexes, and did no where I claim those examples encompassed all of people's usual BS. My original post indicates that all people are made up of 75-85% bull shit.
NOTHING NOTHING ABOUT THIS THREAD HAS TO DEAL WITH FEMINISM or GENDER AT ALL!

D< can only express angry face at you and disappoint :/.

Sorry I was letting off steam too as the only TV channel worth watching on my cable TV service has just replaced the great show White Collar(if you want to see sexualized male characters watch that show) with the man-hating Criminal Minds and then saw something on the forum that looked like it was hating on men again.

 

[Vault101]

And for another thing, I've had to cope with this a lot recently. This whole sexism thing blowing up, apparantly because I have a dick I AM a dick. I have had it with being put in that little box.

the ony people who are saying (or really belive) that are the extreme feminists

no one cares what they say...well....Mens rights do..not the good way

[quote/]I almost want to give up on trying to be a good person because people seem to be guessing that I'm an asshole anyway.[/quote]

what an awful attitude

 

[MisterGobbles]

Again, like all these other people have said, it's really just a way to make them feel better, whether it's about themselves or just in general. I recently asked out a girl who I've known well for a little under a year now, and she turned me down simply because she didn't feel the same way (we still talk all the time). And it was a disappointment feeling; knowing that being good friends with someone (especially one that claimed to not have a friend zone), talking to them all the time, wasn't enough, and that this girl I was into was probably never going to want to date me. But at the same time it was absolutely fine, because we're gonna continue to be friends and there's other girls out there.

But for people that don't have that "friend" thing to fall back on, or get turned down time and time again, or really REALLY like someone and get turned down, it's hard to deal with that. And for breakups, that's another story entirely.

 

[Elate]

[quote/]I almost want to give up on trying to be a good person because people seem to be guessing that I'm an asshole anyway.

what an awful attitude

Honestly, same attitude I adopted. Worked pretty well frankly. Being a "good guy" really gets you nowhere, better to be a dick and seem confident then reveal that you're a fluffy wuffy good guy, than running around trying to show people that in the first place. ENSNARE THEM FIRST, WITH YOUR WILE AND CHARM.

But to be fair, most of the time it's because vilifying a person helps with the pain, it helps to see them as the bad guy because it makes it hurt less, least in my experience. Nothing to do with self confidence, just hate is easier to cope with than hurt.

 

[Vault101]

Honestly, same attitude I adopted. Worked pretty well frankly. Being a "good guy" really gets you nowhere, better to be a dick and seem confident then reveal that you're a fluffy wuffy good guy, than running around trying to show people that in the first place. ENSNARE THEM FIRST, WITH YOUR WILE AND CHARM.

But to be fair, most of the time it's because vilifying a person helps with the pain, it helps to see them as the bad guy because it makes it hurt less, least in my experience. Nothing to do with self confidence, just hate is easier to cope with than hurt.

what does "be a dick"? actually mean though? because my interpretation on "being a dick" means "I do not want to be within 10 fucking miles of this person" if they are actually a dick

 

[Doclector]

And for another thing, I've had to cope with this a lot recently. This whole sexism thing blowing up, apparantly because I have a dick I AM a dick. I have had it with being put in that little box.

the ony people who are saying (or really belive) that are the extreme feminists

no one cares what they say...well....Mens rights do..not the good way

[quote/]I almost want to give up on trying to be a good person because people seem to be guessing that I'm an asshole anyway.

what an awful attitude[/quote]I know but it's how I feel sometimes. I don't expect a reward for being good, but I don't expect that a load of people think I'm an asshole anyway.

 

[Vault101]

what an awful attitude

I know but it's how I feel sometimes. I don't expect a reward for being good, but I don't expect that a load of people think I'm an asshole anyway.[/quote]

loads of people are going to think youre an asshole for both the wrong and right reasons..alot of the time those people don;t matter

just like the people who think we are a bunch of losers for like videogames

 

[KingsGambit_v1legacy]

Don't take it personally I just need to rant off some steam.

"let off some steam". It's "let off", not "rant off".

So often people try to excuse failed relationship attempts by saying that nice guys never get the girl, guys only want a girl who looks like X, he only wants someone easy, she's a golddigger, etc. etc.
Sometimes those excuses have some basis in fact but half the time it seems like people are just whining.

How generous of you to allow that maybe for half the time there is sometimes basis in fact. There is always a reason for why a relationship fails. All except the "nice guy" nonsense are plausible and potentially valid.

Firstly, you think your a nice guy, doesn't mean you are, the girl could have a good personality/ if he's not attracted to you the relationship will probably suffer to begin with, etc. etc.

Firstly, you think you're being helpful, sage and smart, doesn't mean you are. Could you actually be any more judgemental?

To me it always seemed kind of...honestly pathetic. I'm not talking about being broken up with, I'm talking about someone asking someone out and getting turned down...I understand it's disappoint, but...honestly does a person have to vilify other people to make themself feel better? It seems like a poor character trait, and an unhealthy way to live instead of just accepting it and moving onto greener pastures

Vilification is going a bit too far, but it's completely normal to find another justification for a rejection. No one likes being rejected, it makes them feel lessened, less worthy than their peers. Blaming something else, true or otherwise is a normal human reaction to keep confidence up. It is not unhealthy, unless taken to an extreme. If that seems pathetic to you then prepare to be disappointed in later life. Though you might want to work on being less judgemental about people, that's a poor character trait.

 

[Shock and Awe]

I've actually haven't seen people make those complaints much in real life. On the internet of course its everywhere but most guys I know who screw up those kinds of things are aware they simply tried and failed.

 

[hooksashands]

I'm just sick to death of being labeled. i.e the "nice guy" or the "jerk". What committee got together and agreed on this simple, absolute, black-or-white metric? Enough with the bullshit generalizations. Human behavior has a duality to it; the person you loved yesterday might be someone you hate tomorrow and vice versa. Given enough time and experience, everyone changes.