You want to hear the best worst possible way to dump a girlfriend? Take about a week and just think about your relationship. Remember every little slight, every little misstep, every affront to your dignity she ever had the gall to to make. Write it all down. Put it in a letter and mail it to her. The night you mail it, take her out to dinner. Spring for some nice wine, bribe the waiter to put a ring in her glass or some other cliche romantic surprise. Take her home, play some smooth music, give her the best loving she's ever gotten from a man. While she's asleep, steal back the ring and return it. Wreck her appartment, steal some of her stuff. Fake up a robbery. Then disappear from her life entirely. Leave town, change your name, get cosmetic surgery. While she spends the following three days agonizing over what happened to her apartment, and worse, what happened to you, she'll be thinking about all the things she ever did wrong to you. All the little things she got upset over, just because she wanted to see you squirm. Every stupid fight she started because she needed to yell at someone and you were handy. Then the letter shows up. She reads the letter, and sees every single little bullet point from her list on there, with a few extra that she never even thought bothered you. Do that, and any woman that does not have an emotional breakdown after that is an emotionless robot who never can and never will love anyone.
-Wiz
