Your first Order as God Emperor.

[Viridian13]

Declare war on Scientology.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

Gentlemen; it's a nuclear device.

Time is running out. T-tiime is running out.


The first person to get the reference shall be my Lord Chancellor/Grand Vizer/Viceroy/The one person in the Empire with the right to continually try and stab me in the back, provided he kills everyone else trying to do the same.


The second thing I shall do is go and snuggle with my girlfriend.

Pft...Red Alert

Wait Master we have conquering to be doing!

*Eyes 0racle*

Close....but just no cigar. Guards, throw this man to the Ground Sloth!

It's Red Alert 2, to be specific. =)

Better, my friend...but not good enough. Throw him to the.....

Hmmm...

You could be useful.

Welcome to the Army of Rolling Thunder. Here, take your free cookie, suit of armour and high-calibre automatic rifle, and await the next person to answer incorrectly.

 

[poiuppx]

Make Tyranids.

No, seriously.

The whole super soldier space marine thing? Dig it. But as history proved, you don't wanna give hosts of folks who can be easily farked with by Chaos enough power and tech to conquer the galaxy, then chuck them to the far corners of the universe and hope for the best. You need more control over your armies than that. So Holy Terra and the surrounding immediate systems get Space Marines. The rest gets hive-minded world-eaters slaved to myself and my Golden Throne, which will now be less a life support system and more a psyker-boosting recliner with built in drink holder as I essentially play real-time strategy with the universe.

Order two would probably involve developing diplomatic channels with the only other mildly-sane groups (Tau & Eldar). Order three would be to see about also building ourselves some Necrons... soul-only Dreadnoughts, maybe? Order four would involve making Holy Terra less an overdeveloped overcrowded mess by forcing some folks to move off world and extend colonization efforts right behind my Tyranid hordes (what they don't need to replenish their biomass, they leave alone so I can use it).

After that, I think I'd play it by ear. And by play it by ear, I mean conquer the universe.

(Optional bonus goal: head out in person and kick in the teeth of every leading Ork in the universe, effectively uniting them under my awesomeness. Then field my Necrons, Tyranids, and Orks against an increasingly confused Chaos, and watch the carnage. Extra points if the real Tyranids or Necrons show up and are even briefly confused to the point of inaction.)

 

[lvl9000_woot]

Genocide!

there is an unwritten law which states that all internet arguements will regress to having some conection with Hitler or the nazis. This one came in at
post: 9.

Of course when speaking of genocide almost everybody jumps to that however if you look here, you'll see he's not the only person to do it. Please don't assume, it's not good for you .

Edit: Yes I know he's in there but he's not at the top of the list.

 

[jh322]

Congragulations! You are now the Emperor of a Empire numbering in the Quadrillions! You have a cult dedicated to you, an army numbering in the trillions, near infinite resources, and ultra high tech technology! Now what is your first command!?

Eliminate your, and everyone who responds gene pools from existance to stop threads like this from being made.

Bit harsh, you are

The right to be a jerk is a sacred privelage, dont you ever forget it.

But you abuse it, also, I don't know why you think its a bad thread, it's a pretty cool one.

There is no such thing as 'abusing the right to be a jerk', because that means you are taking other people into consideration, which an expert jerk knows better than.

Also its a pretty uninteresting thread, the guy who made it is just taking advantage of peoples idiotic nature whereby they think their opinion is worth hearing.

you really are bastard aren't you?

You cant even begin to imagine guy.

Then why the hell are you even on here? This forum is a place for people to share their opinions, which you obviously disapprove of.

oh boo hoo.
You cant tell me what to do.A forum is actually a place where one goes to acquire entertainment, which is what Im doing.

No, you're being a trolling douchebag now. And that's not what forums are for

 

[toapat]

I'd issue an order to invade all other countries just to enforce they drive on the correct side of the road. (Brit )

you already own the entire world, and trillions of others.

your throne room also happens to be in the main hall of the UN building in NYC.

also you are the only real citizen of earth. the southern hemisphere is your war museum, the northern hemisphere is your throne city of robot slaves

 

[geldonyetich]

If I was God Emperor, I'd probably stop screwing around and wipe out the forces of Chaos already.

Genocide!

No, no, no, genocide is such a dirty word.

Use Exterminatus [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Exterminatus].

 

[n00beffect]

All bitches must kneel to me and suck my GREAT BIG COCK!

 

[TheMadTypist]

Make more Spehss Mahreens to help defend the imperiium better. Make imperial comissars have mandatory people skills training and encourage them to give hugs to encourage demoralized troops in addition to laser to the face (positive punishment and positive reward). Make psykers get counselling to help them stave off Chaos and reach self-actualization. Make friendly with the Eldar and get 'em to trust us enough to let us stop the filth of Chaos. Ally tentatively with the Tau, so long as they don't forcibly augment our populations into their caste systems. Be nice to my supersoldier children and make sure Horus doesn't get all Judas on me.

Have a really nice cup of tea and a ham sammich, while in those incredibly clunky supersoldier armour. Win at everything forever

This. I mean, those Commissars would be awesome! "Oh God-Emperor! There's too many of them! we're all gonna DIE!" "Wait, men! If you keep acting demoralized I shall hug you!" "OH CRAP KEEP FIRING KEEP FIRING"

And instead of tea and a ham sammich, it's a coffee and a Russian Teabiscuit while wearing Terminator armor. And I'd court one of the Eldar Farseers, which would not only bring peace between my government and their craftworld, but I'd get a pretty, smart, and powerful ladyfriend.

 

[Asylumrunner]

Forge me a sword infused with the blood and tears of my enemies.
Then make a sandwich.
Make Tim Schafer my Noble Advisor.
Begin a worldwide tournament of various countries combating each other in full-scale wars for my amusement.
Cross the lands with my armies of the God Emperor

 

[Remleiz]

Make me a sandwich.

Goddammit Ninja'd!

ugh...in that case;

"Bring me the most attractive sisters of battle and lets have an orgy. Awwwwwwwwwww yeeeeeah"

 

[Zero=Interrupt]

France will be conquered, covered in potting soil, trees, and shrubs of many varieties, and returned to its pre-man state. Further it will be re-named New Sherwood Forest.

Sorry French people, but this:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/centralamericaandthecaribbean/haiti/7020908/US-accused-of-occupying-Haiti-as-troops-flood-in.html

is fucking idiotic.

Also, wrapping thanksgiving turkeys in bacon will be mandatory.

 

[brainfreeze215]

Any men found wearing skinny jeans will have to enter a 28 day rehab program titled "you just can't pull it off."

 

[manythings]

Figure out who will oust me and make sure they live a life that would be made harder without me around.

 

[ShankHA32]

I would make everyone put on their red shoes and dance the blues.

 

[k3v1n]

To eradicate the Orkz!
EDIT: Am I the only one to know that this is a Warhammer 40k thing?

I shall do as you command my Emperor, we shall purge this land from the despicable Xenos that invade thy universe that belongs to no one but you, my emperor.


in other words, no you are not alone

 

[rynocerator]

Why would want to rule an empire that big? It would be nothing but complaints from your kindgom. And if you don't do a really, utstandingly, AMAZINGLY good job of it, You'd probably just be assassinated by someone who wants your spot. Actually, that would probably happen anyway. But I guess my first order would be something very uninteresting and political, like figure out where we can move our outlandish population. Or figure out how we fund a military in the trillions.

 

[Hybridwolf]

uh....tacos? hope noone has done that yet....

Seriously, I'd make sure the British goverment was given a good shake up, because it could do with all the morons in their being forced to think for once, then I'd work on getting a proper plan for getting off this rock into space, whilst finding a way to live forever. Or maybe just a bit longer.